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‘Life’ Shows The Way PT I

14 Sunday Mar 2021

Posted by in Learning and Evolving, LIfe, mental health, Spirituality, The continuing adventure, Us

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I’ve had this post in my mind ever since we moved because it’s about how we look at life and ultimately how we came to go on another adventure. It’s not a post for those who want to ‘stay safe’ and thereby close their minds and talk themselves out of opportunity; it’s a post for those who are feeling restless, feel a strong urge to make change, or to just change the way they view things.

There are so many things that happened that got us to where we are today I will break them down into a series of posts. I hope they get some of you thinking. So here goes..

The biggest change to RD and I since embarking on our adventures has been the way we think. I have said for many years that ‘life will show us the way’, but our adventure in France made us see that it really did, if we listened.

When we arrived in France, in the first year we were there our Jeep broke down numerous times. No matter how many times we had it repaired something else went wrong with it. But still we persisted because we had paid over the odds for it, we liked it and we didn’t want to acknowledge that we had been ‘had’ and it was a heap of shit. Life was telling us to let it go, and each time something went wrong it was a problem that was worse than the one before. It took us two years and the wheel falling off it as RD was driving (luckily slowly at that moment in time) for us to realise that life was telling us to let it go! But that was not the end of the lessons.

Before we moved RD bought a flatbed truck, it was only six years old, but within the first eighteen months the engine blew up!

When we first moved into our house we turned the water on and it poured through the ceiling from the shower, we also discovered as winter drew in that the heating didn’t work. In the first year I wrote often of the cold, but we persevered because we had made our decision and we HAD to make it work. I did write a Post about our adventures a year in, reading it now made me smile because we had so much more to learn.

Our Old Green Door

In the March of 2016, after only seven months of living in our house, the roof blew off our kitchen. It was at that point, as RD stood at our old knackered door, where the water seeped through when the rain lashed down, that he looked out and his subconscious said out loud ‘Here we are, living the dream!’

By 2016 I had also started to read the book ‘Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life’ the book of Tao, and it helped me to keep going because I understood that where there is bad there is good, and it enabled us to keep going, because there was good, in the shape of our beautiful old house, and our surroundings; add to that our love for each other and son and our animals.

I remember now talking RD round, out of this mindset, but when looking back I can see that it was ‘life’ trying to get us to question what we had done. I even painted and tried to renovate our old door, it looked fab, but it still leaked and we still weren’t getting it!

In my old post I wrote with hope that we were just waiting for the insurance company to pay for the replacement, which of course they never did. It was one of our lessons about France don’t trust the insurance companies . Over the years we would come to add the un-regulated, at times corrupt banking system to a long list of what wasn’t right for us. No wonder French people protest!

We had tarpaulins on our roof for nearly three years. When it rained, and trust me when it rained it blew across the open countryside and hammered our lovely house on the hill, we had bowls all over the kitchen catching the water. But still we carried on.

We learned from it all, we learned patience, and that sometimes things we think are catastrophic are not, you survive.

Work was difficult, we were starting to realise that the English people that we had to interact with were pretty awful (I’m being polite) in fact that was a continuous lesson right up to the day we left France.

In the September of 2016 a tornado ripped through our garden demolishing everything in its path. But we persevered, we held on to what I thought was ‘hope’ when in fact it was the fear of letting go of what was not a dream, in fact ‘life’ was telling us it wasn’t the right path for us.

But we didn’t listen to the messages life was sending us, and so they got worse and in 2017 our well ran dry. We had no water, nada, none, and again RD’s subconscious tried to get him to listen and he went down. Our wonderful French friends came to the rescue again and we had water connected via Marc’s supply until we could find the funds to have water connected. At nearly three thousand euros that was no mean feat, and we lived like that for eighteen months. But again we survived, the adventure in France taught us a lesson about ourselves, and how resilient we are, as we showered each other using a watering can.

It was in 2018 that we started to read ‘The Book of Awakening’ by Mark Nepo, we would read it together and consider each lesson. We are still reading it today, and it taught us one of the biggest lessons: Let Go.

We had a fabulous summer of 2018, I remember laying on a lilo on our pool in the baking sun and thinking ‘I am in my garden’. I understand now that summer happened to enable us to love what we had, before things started to change and we became enlightened in that it was time to consider change. We thought at that time that things were getting better, but in fact all our plans fell through and by the December I was starting to understand that life really was trying to tell us something.

By January of 2019 we found ourselves with no work and no funds, chopping up falling logs in the garden to try and heat the house after RD wasn’t paid for a job he had done (a common thing in that area of France sadly where English clients were concerned). Our new roof had leaked, and one night just as we went to bed I asked RD if he thought staying in France was the right thing to do and he answered honestly ‘I don’t know.’ Then he promptly started to snore as I lay awake in the darkness contemplating our life and our future. I was afraid, but I also realised that what I was actually afraid of was letting go, and so we finally started to listen….

More to come

Rosie

The commune in which I live and how it has changed us

26 Wednesday Jul 2017

Posted by in The continuing adventure

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When we lived in England Rich and I were never really ones to be actively part of a community. We always felt that to be part of a community in England involved other people wanting to force their opinions, and what they wanted down our throats; it also seemed to always end in things getting snippy and everyone wanting to know everyone’s business. I do believe that some of this is an English attitude (and as always folks I am not making a sweeping statement because I don’t know everyone in England! I can only speak from my experience.) but you only have to look at the way that English people behave on some of the Facebook sites out here to see exactly what I mean. You would think that everyone out here would wish each other well, support each other, but they don’t as you well know from other posts I have made. But enough of them! The point I am making is that Rich and I were always wary of the so called “community.”

But since moving here we have changed, we have been taught by our French neighbours and so many others (yes lovely English people we have met) that you can create your own communities and you can support each other just because you want to without any agenda. Let me explain….

When we moved here we thought that our house was called Montaigu, we have since come to realise that it is our little hamlet of three houses that is in fact called Montaigu, each house, if you like, is Montaigu. We think that our house was built around 1812, because our barn is dated above it’s religious artifact, which you can see if you look closely at the pictures below, there is a small arch which contains a small statue of the Virgin Mary, to the right of the barn, she is there to protect the barn from evil and harm (which it has to as the roof has not been replaced since about 1900!!)

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We also know that our house was in fact the farm house for all the land surrounding it at one time, and that the other two houses here were in fact other barns that were part of this house.  Others have told us that it was the part of the land and properties of the chateau that is along the road from us. but after some research this is not accurate as the chateau was not built until 1872.

Chateau tertre

However the land may well have been owned and sold as one piece of land at some point.

So that is the history, let me explain the commune. ..

Despite the fact that we live in the commune of Ambrieres Les Vallees, there are often smaller communes in each town and as our houses are outside of the town that is why the three houses are classed as a smaller commune; and our wonderful neighbour and friend Marceau (other pseudonyms are available!) is in fact the unofficial patron of our Hamlet. That is why he helps everyone including Rich and I.

It is Marceau who invited us into his house many moons ago to welcome us at Christmas time,  with his beautiful partner Nadine. It is Marceau who called the man to come and empty our cesspit and told him to use his well water to clean it out. (Posts about all are available in he archives.) It was he who has allowed us to use his water so that we have a functional house again, and it is he who yesterday turned up and gave us (yes gave) a thousand litre water tank so that we harvest our rain water. Up he came on his tractor with this bloody great tank and helped Rich carry it into our garden. It is set up and collecting water as I write. Although I have been learning French it is Marceau who always slows down and teaches me many aspects of the language, and it is friends of Marceau who have taken us to their hearts and welcome us into their home.

As we have lived here we have watched help out other neighbours Lily and Marin (no real names are used) to dig out a massive trench in their garden to erect a fence, to move their raised vegetable beds, or to clear their ditch and many other things. He really is a kind man and he cherishes the commune in which we live.

Last week when we asked him to help with the water he asked if we loved living in the commune and we said we did. We explained that we understood that he must have been worried when he realised that English people had bought the house, because would hey interact? He smiled and said that he had been but that they were happy that it had been Rich and I (how wonderful is that?!) We explained that we appreciated that they had welcomes us so much and that we watched their homes if they were not there and he explained that they did the same to us, that they have embraced us into their small community and for that we feel blessed.

The difference that we have found however is that despite him doing all this for us, and others, they do not interfere, they do not want to know your business, French people are very polite and private people. They respect others space and privacy but are there if you need them and Rich and I have come to realise that we love ‘that’ feeling of community. We would do anything for them.

We have come to realise that this adventure had spurred us on to  form other communities as well, without realising we are doing it. Remote communities that have sprung up, with friends that we have been out of touch with for years, who have been inspired by our adventure, inspired that we have had the bravery to do it, and who have supported us when times have been hard, both with words and deeds, and most importantly with no agenda; and yes, they are all English. What have Rich and I learnt? That this, too is a community, and they know that we are supporting them back, with no agenda; and the courage to do this has been given to us by French people. They truly believe in fraternity (mutual support within a group).

We have small communities with other people we have met here, not least my wonderful friend Jan, and my kind and lovely friend Louise. I know that they are there if I need them and they know that I am there if they need me.

We have one other very special friend who wishes to remain nameless, who has helped us immensely and I know loves us so.

But let me not forget one other community that has become an important part of my life and it is this community- the community that is all over the world that read this blog. For that I am truly grateful and please do not be shy, I would love to hear your feedback.

So for those, who I know read this because they are thinking about the adventure, consider this ….. you get so much more than you realised when you take that chance including a change of thinking!

Look out for the next post – and welcome to the newbies, I note you have been reading the archives, please, read away and share with others.

 

Moisy

 

Its been a year – and what a year

31 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by in Reflections, The continuing adventure

≈ 8 Comments




So a year ago yesterday we moved to France. My post on Facebook read “sitting in the car with coffee spilt down the front of me, and 4 cats, 2 who have already shit and I am  not even on the train yet! What an adventure!!” (A witty friend on Facebook put in response – 2Isn’t that meant to be lucky?!”)  Our train was delayed by three hours, and we didn’t arrive at our rented house until one am in the morning. But we still cracked open the wine, and had the lamb chops we had brought over with us for tea.

Our circuits were completely haywire because we had moved on the Monday after the clocks had gone forward in England and added to the extra hour in France it knocked us for six and  took us about three weeks to overcome what felt like jet lag!

I have often said how our house in Herne Bay was beautiful, and how I did struggle to leave it, I have recently found some photo’s of it and thought that I would share them with you.

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I was heartbroken to leave it, but you know what? I wouldn’t go back. I loved the house, I didn’t love where it was particularly, (although I do still miss our neighbours Jo and Mike). Reflecting now I am surprised to see how much I have moved on. Just goes to show you that what you thought you wanted is not always what it seemed and when you take the chance and make a change, frightening though it may be, it all becomes clear.

Due to the anniversary of our year of living here I have reflected on our adventure to date (don’t I always?) and here are some of my reflections and advice for those who may be thinking of taking the adventure.

We rented our rental property at short term notice, as a previous arrangement had fallen through, and on reflection it was bloody expensive. The cost was meant to include all of the bills, which when you consider we were moving into it in  the summer months, was no great shakes really as we were not going to really use anything. My understanding was that a gardener was included in the cost but within a week of moving in we had a phone call from the English couple who we had rented from to advise us that the cost of the gardener was not included in the £840.00 (yes really !! 1092 euro) we were paying a month. Being the nice people we are we did not argue, although I have to say I would now! We decided we would do the gardening ourselves with his old lawn mower, which he thought was great but turned our didn’t work, so off we went to buy a sit on, as we concluded we would need that in the future anyway. A week later we had another phone call to say  that they did not think that we were mowing the lawn often enough – obviously they were having us watched!!- I kid you not!!! We decided to get out of the property asap as it was clear that they were going to be a pain in the proverbial, and to say that they had seriously pissed us off at that point is an understatement.  But you know what when we did get out the cheeky buggers still deducted £50.00 for gardening!!

I have been dying to say that since we moved, time to say it now. What did I learn from it? Don’t think that people are nice on face value because, sadly, nine times out of 10 they’re not! Much as it is difficult when you rent something with all the bills included, get an idea of rents out here first (400-450 euro a month without bills) and that will give you some negotiating power.

Having said that we did have a relaxing time in that house, as there were no renovations to do, and could concentrate on finding our new home, and enjoying France. The weather last summer was fantastic, albeit (and I can’t believe I am saying this) too hot. It was thirty five degrees at nine thirty at night some nights. My two best memories from our time there? Dancing naked in the rain with the Rich in the totally secluded garden (hopefully they weren’t having us watched that day, or they would have been in for a shock!)   Apologies to my son now as I am sure that is not an image he will want in his head! And buying a paddling pool for what we thought was us, but turned out to be for my handsome Harley pup, who acted like a toddler and just wanted us to play in it with him all the time.

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Good times and we can’t wait to get it out (the paddling pool, not our bodies this time, our neighbours might complain!) this year and see what Squiggle Piglet (or Wiglet) makes of it.

I have well documented moving here to our current home, and for those who did not read my blog at the time I would urge you to have a look at my archives, which will also show you the changes that we have made to our house to date.

Other memorable moments – balancing an American fridge freezer on my head as we desperately tried to squeeze it through a door frame and it got stuck, and having to hold it there whilst Rich tried to free it. Being only five foot four inches I seriously thought I might die at that point!

Turning our water on and it leaking everywhere – just goes to show that you can overcome so many things.

Sitting in the bar listening to music in Ambrieres in September.

Watching the fireworks in Ambrieres, and in Ruille Sur Le Loire on Bastille day.

Having a cheeky Frenchman whisper in my ear his age and then winking and asking if I understood (he was 69!)

Sitting at the sweet little bar in Ruille with all the other French people – we avoided the main square where all the English were who had travelled there for Le Mans. Being hugged by the landlady when we said goodbye.

The lovely French ladies in the Super U in Ruille Sur La Loire  – our French was pretty poor then and they must have dreaded every time we arrived to book a van to move our belongings. But by the end they would chat away and we felt that we knew them well.

Travelling to our new house on moving day, with my friend Mary, her first trek across France and she had a cat in a box on her lap who had also had a shit (they like to do that, cats, when they are in cars!)

Sitting outside the first night we moved into this house in the pitch black, with the stars glittering in the sky, like a quilt of diamonds, listening to the owls.

Seeing the seasons change.

What have been the downers?

The cold – really well documented in my blog over the last few months, and the job for the summer is to get the doors, windows, cellar and floor in the living room weatherproofed for this winter, we simply didn’t have time last year.

People – some of who are unreliable, some of who tell you one thing but do another, some the way that the speak to other people, especially on Facebook; seriously sometimes I think that people are way up on the Asperger’s spectrum because I can find no other reason (other than they are an arsehole) as to why they would put what they put on other people’s posts. But that will be a blog for another day, because it times I have laughed until my sides have ached with the petty arguments that  ensue.

Also added to this is the fact that people seem to think that they have a right to know what you are doing, and right to comment on it. When we first moved here someone we knew over here did not welcome us, just made contact to ask what were we  going to do for a living and were we registered because if not you would get a ten thousand euro fine. That is very popular over here, English people telling you that you will be fined for this, and fined for that. This is all fine (no pun intended)  if you have asked them for their advice but most often than not people have not, but they say it anyway!  I have made no bones in this blog to advise people that where we are concerned they will  quite simply get told to  f***k off if they provide uninvited negative comments to us. If we have asked you for your opinion it is welcome, if we have not then it’s not.

It’s been a year time go get a bit honest now!

Sadly also in this category are the people you lose touch with; who you really wanted to stay in touch with but good old life takes over and the good intentions eventually curl up and die. For those reading this – get in touch it would be great to hear from you no matter how much time has passed. (As an addendum to this one particular person who means everything to me has just got back in touch, yesterday, how weird was that on the anniversary of us moving over here, I have tears in my eyes now to know that he is back in my life.)

I miss the people who you cannot just pop round the corner to see. Those who you know you may never get to see again – still love you all.

Work – it has been hard. We took peoples advice (see above) when in fact it was crap, registered Rich way too early in a different Department and now can find no trace of his carte vitel (social security card for those who do not live in France) – but that is something for me to sort out for another day. Work has also been hard to come by, but looking at others we have not done bad, and have managed to survive just …. keep reading the sun is coming up over the horizon.

Lack of some favourite foods – we have had a stock of brown sauce brought over, along with Oxo cubes (other well known stock cubes are available). Weirdly miss beefburgers, you know the patty type which I did not eat that often in England, but now that they are not available, want them!!!!! (Sorry but I’m not keen on the French version.) And of course the old favourites sausages, because I am sorry my French friends but your sausages are vile. No other word, vile.

We also miss beef, yes beef as in topside, a good joint of beef. Doesn’t matter what cut you buy over here they do not roast well. Steaks melt in your mouth, stewing steak is lovely but roast beef? Forget it. Sadly we have arranged for people to bring us joints over when they come to visit.

And of course not being able to speak the language well – but I am sure that will change in the next year – watch this space.

What is the good side? 

The hot summers – the very warm springs – bring them on, cannot wait.

The tranquility – as I have said so many times hearing the birds in the trees, the owls at night, our resident woodpecker. Our surroundings, our beautiful, tatty, old house which keeps us safe – currently roof or no roof!

Our garden, cannot wait to get to work on it.

People – the lovely people we have met, the lovely people we have founded relationships with on Facebook, feeling as if they are your friend even though you may never have even met them.

I feel that it is important over here to give people support, especially when the going gets tough, and yes there have been many many people who have given us support and good advice. You all know who you are and you are all a welcome addition to our lives. Only today I received an email from a lovely man in England who also has a house out here, but has not moved over here full time yet; we are going to meet up with him for coffee when he next comes over. There is the lovely lady who gave us Squiggle piglet, because she knew we would love her. She gives me such support. Then there is my good fellow blogger (she knows who she is) whose feedback for this blog is always so positive. In addition there are the people who have taken the time to set up Facebook sites for people to help each other – you are some kind of people with the crap you have to deal with sometimes, respect to you all.

Our new friends the neighbours, who have been brilliant and supportive. I am sure that we will continue to integrate into French life as the year goes on.

Those people back home, who avidly read my blog, give me feedback (please folks all feedback is welcome) who support us through Facebook, I have blogged about them before. To know that people want to stay in touch, makes you realise that you are important to them, and that is a good thing to know. The people who also read it in Spain, Brazil, Argentina and other far flung countries, don’t know how you found me but keep reading.

The friends who have been to see us, and helped us so much, the friends that are due to come to see us on Monday (I cannot wait) the family members who have supported us.

Animals – Mad as we are we love animals, and although Sophie the Sofa Loaf (see my family and other furry creatures) has no teeth, has obviously had a head injury and is at times a complete mad pain in the butt, I am glad that she lives with us, and sits on Rich’s shoulder as he walks around the house like a parrot.

But last and NEVER least we have our new addition (five months now) the Wiglet as she is affectionately known. She has changed our lives so much, and poor old Harley’s, and has now become her human brothers adopted dog, to whom we will be sending regular updates because that dog never fails to make you smile.

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Looking  for cats – saying hello to the world without having to go out in the rain.

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Chilling on one of her favourite chairs.

It never ceases to amaze me, when I look out of my window that I have what looks like  two teddies running around my garden.

Work – which is picking up. Rich has a management job with a gite complex, and a couple of regular clients – just need to get a few more, and my book printed (always believe in the power of positive thought) and we will be laughing.

Food – When we first came here we really missed takeaways (they deliver kebabs over here, but rarely.) No Chinese, Indian deliveries here no sirree. But you know what we don’t miss them now. I have learnt to cook a mean Chinese (as my friend Mary will confirm – not Rich as of course he will say it is good because it is more than his life is worth.), we have found doner meat in Lidl which I cook up with some Moroccan spices, and chicken breast and seriously it is as good as any kebab.

When we occasionally go out for a meal my favourite dish is moules and frites, of any variety, but my favourite is with Roquefort cheese and I highly recommend it.

In fact I am cooking more now than I have ever done, love my new kitchen as it works better than my old one, but the only problem is that I now seem to be the main chef!!!

But most of all for me, it is the way of life. It is the quietness and solitude that I love, I no longer feel stressed all the time, I feel healthier than I have for a long time. Rich has now recovered from his panic attack earlier in the week and no longer wants to move to a caravan in Benidorm (see previous post);  his repairs on the roof have held pending the repair via the insurance, and we are now have a plan, of sorts, to keep our heads above water for the next year. We are out in the garden for the next few days, planting up and a blog will be on its way about that, as much work has already been done (another thanks to Den for his help).

So the first year has passed in a flurry I hope you have enjoyed my blog to date, and want to continue reading to see what the next year entails – please share it with your friends.

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Moisy