I don’t want to bang on about how ‘Life’ shows you the way, but since starting these adventures 10 years ago, it has been proved to me over and over again. To quote Deepak Chopra, the clues are there ‘in plain site.’

Over the years I have learned that if you don’t listen to the clues then the lessons will get harder and harder, until, as I have always said, ‘Life’ will start to slap you round the head with a wet kipper. It will put you in a position where you don’t have a choice, and make you listen.

So in June I joined a temping agency and left the job I had been in for over 3 years. That too was as an agency worker, and the company actively discriminated against people who lived in Eire and would not offer them a permanent post if the office they were allocated to was in NI. To be honest the clues had been there for some time that it was time to leave, and boy it was a good decision.

I had not realised just how much confidence I had lost working from home. In the way I looked, in my driving (I had no reason to drive anywhere) whenever we went out shopping I would get RD to drive, interacting with people, other than the public on the phone.

Having worked with the public for over 40 years I randomly heard myself say on a number of occasions , I think I am done working directly with the public. Another clue that I did not listen to.

I had a new job to go to, which was meant to be for 6 weeks, and turned into a 6 month gig. I enjoyed interacting with people, in fact when I first got there I had verbal diarrhoea because I was so excited to chat directly with people. I got on really well with the girl I worked with directly, and we made a good team. I liked dressing in nice clothes for work, and my confidence in driving is now renewed. I had a fair few laughs and got on well, generally, with the people there, and there were 2 people I became very close to, as well as the girl I directly worked with.

But over the past year or so I have started to become aware of my age, of the importance of time, and spending it with those I love. I found it more difficult to work full time and maintain our house, it was clear that I couldn’t do what I used to do. I just didn’t have time to work on my leg injury, go swimming, or train. To read books, or blog! I was back on the hamster wheel, and to be honest I was sick of it.

When I went back out to work with the new job, RD dropped another day at work, dropping down to a 3 day week. You would think you will really notice the cut in salary, but we just seem to absorb it. RD has a journey of an hour and 15 mins to and from work, it was logical for him to drop his hours, as my journey was only 40 mins.

I remained full time, Elfie would follow me round with a look on her face as if to say ‘please don’t go to work’ and I found myself apologising to the puppies for not giving them enough time. My sub-conscious said to me out loud, so often, I need to go part time, I said it to Elfie so many times. But, still, I did not listen.

Whilst I was enjoying being back in the workplace the old crap was always there, and I started to notice how people were always bitching about each other, and the team work was almost non existent. The people in the office were generally treated as an after thought by those in charge (I use that term loosely) and felt unappreciated apart from the few staff who were great.

They advertised the job I had then been at for over 3 months, but the person ‘in charge’ of me told me I was not allowed to apply. Despite most staff liking my work and wanting me to stay. The problem with that is that I always do my homework, and legally I was allowed to apply. Another sign that I ignored, and I applied for the full time post. Even though my sub conscious was screaming at me that I needed to take some time for me, for us. To have that priceless commodity: Time.

I kept saying out loud to ‘Life’ ‘I know you want me to go part time, but we need to live. Help me achieve that. And it did.

In the September what we needed was sent our way, and I was eternally grateful. But I didn’t go part time, because there were no part time jobs available.

After ‘Life’ gave me what I needed things at work started to get worse. Little games were played against a new senior member of staff that wanted, and needed, to make change. I got on really well with them, and it was hard to watch, because it was identical to what had been done to me all those years ago, which caused me to have my breakdown. It triggered me, more than I realised, and I started to feel uncomfortable there. But still I did not listen.

In the October they admitted they were not going to interview for the job until the new year, and asked if I would stay on until then. Like a fool I said I would stay on full time until January, despite the person ‘in charge’ telling me they would never let me work part time. I was acutely aware that I had not kept my bargain with ‘Life’, and actually said to the manager who I absolutely respected ‘ I have to go part time in the New Year, or ‘Life’ will make me ill for not keeping my side of the bargain.’

A week later I came down with shingles!

At first I thought, oh this fine, I can ride through this. Then, despite advising of my allergies, I was given a medicine I was allergic to, on too high a dose. After 4 days I was in acute pain and violently sick, the painkiller affected my kidneys and liver, as well as the anti viral drug, and from the Saturday morning I was sick every 15 minutes right through to the Monday, when I ended up up in hospital, severely dehydrated, and with a blood pressure of 229/119!

I found the song ‘The drugs don’t work’ by The Verve playing on a loop in my head.

I never go to the doctor, this just reinforced why!

After coming home with anti-emetic drugs they give to patients on chemotherapy for 2 days, I was told to take them for 5. This was despite already having them pumped into me intravenously. After 2 days, and feeling much better, I stopped taking them. They too affected your kidneys and liver! I just didn’t think those organs could suffer any more.

That was just over a week ago. I am on the road to recovery, although not quite there yet. The bonuses are I have lost over a stone, the thought of alcohol frightens me, and the thought of fatty food makes me feel sick. I feel better for all of those adaptations in my life.

Oh and work? They let me go. On the day I was admitted to hospital! Not even a call to tell me. How toxic is that!

But I know that Life’ made sure I got out of there! My Agency are putting me forward for part time roles. Or short term roles, where I cover a couple of weeks and then take a week off. I am not worried ‘Life’ will give me what I need. But RD has told me I am not available until the New Year.

I am, finally, listening. I should have known better!

Moisy