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Category Archives: The good, the bad and the ugly.

I’ve considered my position- it’s a good one for now

30 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, My home, Reflections, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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January sunrise In rural France 2019

My faithful followers of this blog may have noticed a distinct lack of blogging recently. There have been a number of reasons:

That I have been disenchanted with life (mainly people in it); that I have come to realise that I will have to lower my integrity towards people to survive, because I know that some people will take joy (sadly yes) if they read what I am going to write; and I have had to consider whether I was going to give them that joy; and mainly because I know that people love my positivity and I have felt very negative due to experiences since living here, that have now come to a head in the last couple of months.

I have come to realise that I have always tried to look at the positives to such a degree that I have not considered the negatives; and perhaps now I need to.

For the first time in a long time I wrote in my journal, and I reflected on our life here and realised that whilst I always try to look at the positive was I ignoring what life was showing me, by not acknowledging the negative as well? Our well ran dry, our water heater was not working properly, resulting in a huuuuuge bill, our roof blew off, our truck engine seized (despite being only 6 years old), work had been difficult and my! Have we had some humdinger employers!  And many other things, not least Tinky Tiny Tilly never coming home. (But if you look at the balance Wiglet the PIglet came to live with us instead.)

 On the Monday before my birthday I asked Rich if he wanted to stay here in France and he answered honestly that he didn’t know. So I set to writing my journal, and asked myself some honest questions. I know that people read this blog for its positivity but I always said I would say it warts and all.

As I lay there in bed with Rich snoring and asked myself if at that precise moment in time if I had won the lottery would I stay: The answer was no; but I have to emphasise it was at that precise moment in time.

So I started to consider other options in my head: moving to Spain, where it would be warmer and (my understanding is) the cost of living is cheaper. I considered moving back to England! The main problem with that was that we would want to live somewhere remote, and would never be able to afford to buy unless it was a shit hole! But I considered it, expressly Wales, where there is more countryside and less people. Then I considered Ireland; my dad was Irish, I have relatives there, the countryside is similar to France, and the properties are cheap. But most of all the benefit of Ireland was that they speak English.

I knew that to be realistic we really needed to sit down with a pen and a piece of paper because all of the things to consider would get lost in our heads.

But as always, even though I had lost my belief a little bit because it has been so hard, I believed that life would show me the way.

So on my birthday when I mentioned to a dear friend, who is there in the background, that I was considering our options they messaged me and immediately asked what’s up! They then pointed out to me how lucky we were and that they would move here in a heartbeat. They don’t know how much that simple comment meant.

As part of the numerous birthday wishes on FB a number of people said how I was living the dream; another friend excitedly posted that she was on the move, and when I responded she said that she was following my lead. My dear friend Mary has already ventured on a   big adventure and all of these people have been inspired by us; I felt a responsibility to them. And being a girl who always believes that life shows you the way I then started to wonder if this was life trying to make me think. Add to that our impromptu invite to the lovely neighbours, Rich’s FB site that I have set up for work resulting in him getting some work from it, I started to think that perhaps it was.

On Sunday we went for a windy walk down our lane and visited a farm where Marc’s uncle lived and loved until he died last year. It was sad, with the doors blowing in the wind no longer loved; but when I looked at how that man had lived it reminded me that I had come out here for the simple life, and this was it. What did I want?

 

On the walk Rich and I stopped and looked over the rolling hills and Rich looked at me and said ‘I can’t go back to England Mois, I cannot be surrounded by people.’ And I agreed, we had at least made a decision on something.

As the week has worn on we have come up with some other ideas to make some money that I am  now busy working on (let alone my blogs, and my book) and I am looking forward to what they may bring.

As I have always said life will show us the way.

We have both decided that we are not beaten yet; I mean, bloody hell, if you look at all of the obstacles that we have overcome to get to here we can do anything if we put our mind to it!

I have been honest in describing what happened to me re my mental health in England and in all honesty I think that I was still ill when I came over here. So I then became overwhelmed with the volumnious amount of paperwork that need to be completed; got sucked in by people who I thought were going to help me when in fact it was the opposite and I lost my mojo – which is that I take no crap from anyone.. But now I am back, I have lowered my level with regards to integrity and compassion, you get to piss me off three times and then your out! I can look after myself and others who are kind to me and I will not be beaten.

But part of this consideration is also that I have acknowledged that we are on an adventure – it was never set in stone – and if part of the adventure is to move to pastures new then life will show me that, and I need to not be afraid of it and stop beating myself up that I have to make it work here: to stop thinking that there are no other options. There are always options and right now I choose this one. Who wouldn’t?!

 

Then on Monday a darling friend (I have written of him before and the wonderful music he sends me) sent me this for my birthday; with a beautifully written card with it.

 

He also said to me on Messenger:

‘Remember Moi, we are the good ones, we too are the sensitive ones! We are on the bus, if the wheels fall off we just have to put them back on again!’

He is right, I am on the bus, my wheels on firmly back in place and let’s see where this baby takes us.

Watch this space folks let’s see what happens, and whatever it is I will Face Everything and Rise.

Moisy

fear quotes best images pics photos pictures (1)

I have just used this quote in my other blog, but I love it so much and it sums up this post!

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s cloud’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Both sides now – Joni Mitchell 

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I’m back!

17 Thursday Jan 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, Friends, People, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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Image result for images for finding yourself

Over the years I have shared with you the mental health problems that I experienced after working many years for the NHS – it is often said of that institution that it can chew people up and spit them out – or burn them out as it did in my case; that is true, and that is why you will not find me to be an overly excited supporter. Sadly I have seen it warts and all!

In the same way that I do not think that infidelity or heartbreak should be hidden under the carpet, I do not think that mental health should not be discussed either. But this post is slightly different this post is about how I have now come full circle and realised that the parts of me that have been suppressed are in fact exactly what I need to survive out here for now; perhaps that has been part of the lesson to know that the my strength is an assett!

Over the past few months I have come to realise that when I first came to live here I was still ill; it had been less than a year since I had first become ill, and looking back I had been optimistic to think that I was back to firing on all cylinders.

But add to that moving to a new country, the house not being what we thought (everything leaked, the cesspit, did not only not conform it was inside the cellar and leaked into the cellar, the heating did not work, you may want to see some of my old posts) and our son not talking to us it was a tough time.

Despite all of that we had the excitement of a new life to keep us going. It was all new and I accepted whatever life offered: I embraced the autumn and the winters, and as time went by I learned that, to quote the Tao, where there is bad there is good and where there is good there is bad. I understand fully that there cannot be one without the other. But…..

Over this year, and mainly towards the end, I have realised that I have turned into my mum! She was always a caring and giving lady, and followed the life rule of ‘don’t do unto others as you would not want done unto you’.  But, sadly, other people do not have the same adage: so you keep doing good things for them and they keep takng them!  I have found (as I have written about before) that the saying ‘people see your kindness as a weakness’ is a truer adage. This philosophy towards life, and the constant disappointments, eventually over time  made my mum ill, because people were unkind to her often and she could not understand why, when she was only kind to them.

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Now I have always been a kind of fiesty girl and when I was younger and my mum cried I used to tell her to just tell them to ‘fuck off!’ But I was young then, and over time and during  my career I developed a high level of empathy; but sadly too much and that is what made me ill. Slowly over the years I have taken on the attribute that my mum had, I became an empath; it was bad enough that I was taken advantage of in England but  since living here it has taken on a whole new level! Add to that the philosophy of the Tao: that we should see the good in everyone, and be kind to everyone that I tried to adhere to and on this adventure, and  I was on a hiding to nothing! With the exception of literally a handful of people, I have had to learn a lot of hard lessons. I have learnt that most (not all) people are also surviving and to do that they will treat you with suspicion if you are kind, and they will do what they need to do to survive; and if that means fucking you over: then so be it. God knows I have seen that often enough.

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I understand that it becomes a vicious circle: because everyone else has been stabbed in the back they become wary, and then they stab people in the back and so it goes on and on in an ever decreasing circles; I am not saying that I will automatically stab people in the back, I’m just not that sort of person, I am a more upfront person who says it to your face! So now, as I have said in previous posts, I am not going to lower my tolerance level and if my gut is screaming at me about someone I am not going to give them the benefit of the doubt. Not anymore!

But you see the crux is that I am not an easy person to get to know. I am kind, anyone who reads my other blog and the comments that I share with others will know that I also try to be measured and I have learnt to see both sides of the story; but I can also be very direct, and not give a shit if I get pissed off. I have tried to suppress that part of my personality but now I don’t want to; now I am inspired, now I am going to do what we need to do to survive and if that means fucking people off then so be it. Bring it on! Where my life out here is concerned I need to stop. We need to survive and I need to go back to the Moisy that I used to be: If you put my back up against the wall I will come out fighting and I will not be beaten.

I have learnt a lot about the narcissist and how they target people with high levels of empathy and integrity; in fact I think that it is fair to say that I can probably spot one at a fifty mile radius now; and this time I will not be so quick to give them the benefit of the doubt if the alarm bells are ringing. Correction: There is no benefit of doubt with a narcissist you just have to detach yourself and walk away. Or shall I? Fuck it! Shall I have a game?

not giving a shit meme

As I write this post and reflect I have come to the decision that sadly I need to just be fiesty old me; those who really love me still will, those that don’t won’t! I forgot my own lesson of the mini bus of life! So I have stopped calling people to see if they are okay, I am back on my mini bus with the right people, and given that there is fourteen seats, six of them are empty – remembering my philosophy that is about right! The mini bus of life

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So as I told my sister of yet another horror story of people we had encountered the other day I found fiesty old me talking to her; I judged them (correctly, but something that the Tao  does not advocate): I knew that they were trying to get something for nothing because they thought we would do anything for the money. they were wrong! Not anymore! They got told no. Or as I said to my sister they can fuck off!!

But really what I did was use all the skills I have learnt over the years when considering them: The tell tale signs, from their behaviour, that all was not well in their mind, or with the family set up (they tried to hard to appear happy!) ; the boastfullness of their character; the fact that they wanted to tell me many stories of what they had acheived, and what they had got, and I could see it. Was it judging? Maybe. But for me it was listening to the warning signs and not giving people the benefit of the doubt any more.

What has this got to do with being on an adventure? Perhaps part of this type of adventure is finding yourself again, and this time using it!

As my sister said ‘Thenk God! The Bitch is back!’

Yes she is; it has only taken five years, and she feels good!

Moisy

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The week started off badly….

07 Friday Dec 2018

Posted by in My home, People, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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Apologies to all of my Moisy’s French adventure readers for the lack of postings,  it is safe to say it has been a bad week!

I have been busy, blogging on my other blog   (phew two blogs are hard to keep up, and maintaining your social media presence is even harder!) and also preparing some new stock for a Christmas Fayre I am attending on Saturday the 15th. So I have been trying out some new designs and making little angels..

With wooden christmas trees on stands to follow, and of course my signature stars (still a work in progress folks) I also have some unicorns to finish and it is all very time consuming.

But this is not why it has been a crappy week, a week that started off badly and then got worse – although is starting to look a bit brigher now the weekend is on the way. Let me explain:

On Monday I had to go to the bank, and do some errands. We were up early and there was a slight drizzle in the air when I left; but as I drove to our post office it started to actually rain. I arrived at the post office only to find that it was shut! Now I don’t like the post office at the next town of Gorron, I find the woman in there to be a sour faced cow! She never smiles, barks at you and is just generally rude  (think the cliche of a rude French person and that is her, she really lets the side down.) But I had to post a parcel so needs must, and  I knew I would have to go there as I was going into Gorron anyway.

Off I set and as I drove through the grey French winter countryside the heavens opened and it poured down. When I arrived at the post office there were no spaces in the car park so I had to park and walk a couple of minutes  in torrential rain. I looked like a drowned rat. I gave the parcel to ‘les miserables’ and weirdly it cost me ten euros more than a larger and heavier parcel I had posted the week before in the post office at Ambrieres. How I longed to be able to go there with the lovely, friendly French lady; but, alas it was not to be.

Out I came and hurried back to my car, still in the torrential rain; in fact by now I could hardly see there was so much water on my glasses. I then drove on to the bank which was shut, as was expected, but I knew that I could still access the foyer to pay my money in  (banks are shut in France on a Monday, hence the term bank holiday) But to do that I needed a rib which I did not have with me, so I got a rib from the cashpoint (still in the pouring rain) and went inside. But oh no! This was the day when nothing was going to be simple! The bank had no pens to complete the deposit envelope! I went back out to my car (in the pouring rain) in the  hope that there would be a pen there, but of course there wasn’t so off I went to the tabac (in the pouring rain) to buy a pen; then back to the bank (in the pouring rain) to deposit the money. I had experienced enough, so I then went home and sod whatever else we needed!

However the morning from hell was not over; as I entered our kitchen there was rain pouring in down the wall from our roof. The roof we have only just had replaced! Now this is another story that I will tell in the future – once the issue has been resolved, but all I will say is that I will write about it and, despite a thinly veiled threat from someone, the story will be told. I pay for this blog, and I will write what I want!

Having said that there are some people who don’t warrant the word space so the story will be what actually happens and not about people who are so insignificant that they don’t need to be included. There is an important part here though: For those living in France it is worth taking out legal cover with your house insurance, they will then deal with issues like this for you, whilst getting your roof repaired.

Anyhow….. The rain poured in and we had buckets and bowls everywhere which meant tht we had to try and resolve things with odious people which you might have guessed we were unable to resolve.

What a day! I think I will start the week again tomorrow I thought; but I should have known better than to think that it couldn’t get any worse! On Tuesday I broke my tooth, and it was so sharp that it cut my tongue open. I now have a very sore tongue, am still trying to resolve our healthcare cover and cannot afford to go to the dentist! So I did what any self respecting person would do who is in pain and I filed the sharp bits of my tooth myself! Hopefully this will resolve it!

It is funny how some people can bring so much darkness into your lives when you let them in; and I knew that the problems we experienced this week with the roof was one of these occasions and that the only way to stop it was to stop interacting them. But even so it can sometimes still bring you down. I have documented many times the awful people that there are out here, but I am also a positive person normally and I do try and see the good; despite this  I was starting to lose that ability. I was in immense pain with my tongue, and couldn’t speak properly; but despite the pain I was in hubby, as ever, managed to make me laugh when he went off to get some bits from the shop with the list of things I had told him to get: Cat litter, bottle of wine, and potatoe wedges. Here is what he wrote (whilst giggling all the time):

As always I perservered and I got my things done for the craft fair (well some anyway) but I could not shake the feeling of being pissed off: pissed off with people’s shitty attitude; with the pain in my mouth, with French bloody bureaucracy, with people telling you there is an English speaking line and then nobody there speaks English! Pissed off with my mouth really hurting because I have to keep speaking French to people (which is not easy when you have to roll nearly every syllable!) Pissed off with feeling as if I am getting nowhere when nobody rings me back! Pissed off with feeling like I am getting nowhere generally. I had actually started looking at the possibility of moving to Ireland! At least I would have family there and they speak English (well not for Rich, he struggles to understand them, so he said he may as well move to Germany!).

By Wednesday evening I did not want to put my Christmas tree up, I did not want to go the craft fayre, I was in agony and could have cried. So on Thursday morning I messaged a person who I think it is fair to say is (along with my dear friend Mary) one of the kindest people I have met. I just asked if she was up for a chat because I felt pissed off. Now she knows, as you all know, that this is not like me; I am, generally, a positive person but I was struggling and she knew it. She rang me within ten minutes invited me over and helped me with contacting who I needed to about the roof – who were really helpful and prompt (I can say no more at this time) she chased the French bureaucrats with regard to our health cover and they are sending a form to Rich to get it sorted (yey!) and she gave me a hug. That was all I needed. When I came home hubby was worried about me – I am normally the one who keeps him buoyant, so he sat on the sofa and did something so simple – he tickled my leg! My sister called me to see how I was, nagged me to rinse my mouth in salt water, because I know that she worries about me; and I knew that I am blessed to have people who care.

Then I looked out of the window and I saw this….

 

I remembered what Marty (a lovely man who reads this blog) always says about how blessed we are; and I know that we cannot have it all. By last night I had started to cheer up; I just hope my tongue gets better now!

Like I always say in my other blog it is the small things that count, and they make up the good things. Big hugs to those who helped me this week, big hugs.

http://makingthisbetter.com

Moisy

If I bite my tongue too long

16 Friday Nov 2018

Posted by in People, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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Most people who have been reading this blog for any length of time will know that four years ago I had a breakdown, and the Incredible Hulk started to live in me. Over the years, and from reading the Tao I have learnt to control that beast because I know the damage it can do.

I also learnt that this  had happened to me because I had bitten my tongue too long. I should have said what I thought to people in a controlled way, and I never. Hence the reason for this blog, I decided to write what I wanted to write and say what  wanted to say – and over twenty thousand of you have appreciated it over the years – A big thank you.

Add to that the fact that I am by nature a kind person ( I don’t see the point in being horrible to people life really is too short) and I think that I have set myself up as a Patsy; because since living here I have found that my kindness has been seen as a weakness; you see the incredible hulk has not come out since moving to France, so people over here don’t really know of the creature that lies within.

Sadly despite being kind to numerous people they have then assumed that they can behave inappropriately and I will not say anything. Here are some examples:

We helped someone this summer who was in a terrible situation, and me being the empathetic sort helped them, even going on a long journey with them that took all day.  Rich worked for them, and he worked hard,  and we thought that they needed people to be kind. Instead they gave the future work that had been promised to Rich, to someone else and messaged me to say that some day they would tell me how ‘Rich had talked himself out of a job!’ Assuming that I would go ‘Oh Okay then!!!!!’

I get that people are entitled to employ who they want, but they’re not entitled to tell me what they see as failings in my husband, and they should not have taken our help if that is what they thought!

With regard to clients that Rich has had we have answered queries on a Sunday, late at night, we have waited for guests to arrive until ten in the evening, for no charge only for the people to not pay us for the work Rich has done. We have took responsibility for things that have gone wrong and contacted people to tell them that there is a problem (they left the door open being one of them, and they weren’t even in the country) but there hasn’t even been a thank you.

I have looked after people’s gardens whilst they have been away, looked over the house for them, fed the kittens that they had – for no pay. But those people have then been rude to us, in fact downright rude to us.

So I decided yesterday that, yes I do have too much empathy and I am not going to be kind to people anymore – other than the six that I can count on one hand that live here. I won’t be unkind, I am not getting dragged into the gutter with the others, and that is not the way of the Tao, but I am not going out of my way  for people anymore; sorry I have been bitten once too often!;  Whilst I know that this is not what the Tao recommends I have to look after myself and my health first, and sadly there are too many sad and bitter people over here that I need to be aware of.

Over the past few weeks I have been put in a position where I have bitten my tongue quite often, and again it is with a person who I have shown kindness to (do I never learn!)  Sadly they clearly saw this as a weakness and their behaviour became worse towards me. I got the feeling that they were trying to push my buttons, and I used all that I have learnt to not respond, but I forgot about he Incredible Hulk, and as their behaviour got worse and worse I could feel it start to stir.

For those who don’t like bad language look away: but if those buttons are pressed (which they have not been for over four years) I can be a cunt!!

When it happens it makes me feel ill, in fact it often puts me to sleep because my brain shuts down, and that is why I avoid it. I take no joy from making people eat shit  But today I did just that: A person got told in no uncertain terms where they stood and also told that they would not like me at all if I really lost it. The look on their face told me that they knew that they probably needed to shut up. They threw some things at me, but you see when I get into that zone I  will throw them back and some! Because as I have always said – I don’t give a fuck!!

My old job in England was about listening to people and then analysing what they had said, picking up on certain words or nuances, and I did this today. As I said I take no joy in making people eat shit, but perhaps they shouldn’t speak it in the first place!!

So I am sitting here now, at my desk, and I am being honest – as I have always said about this blog it will be warts and all because that is the way of an adventure – that is the way of life, it ain’t pretty all of the time!

It is foggy outside, the promised sun has not materialised, hubby is here because I asked him to come home to support me in case the Incredible Hulk really did come out – and I am spurred on like never before to send my book off to agents. This time it has not sent me to sleep it has woken up the beast inside me and made me want to write!

So that is me, I have the Tao on one side, and the Incredible Hulk on the other, and I have always said ‘I am not an easy person to get to know.’

I will read my Tao this afternoon! But I won’t be going to sleep!

I have had enought!!

Moisy

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Les Rats….It’s rural living folks!

23 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by in My family and other furry creatures, My home, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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They do say that you are never more than six feet away from a rat no matter where you are in the world. How accurate this is I don’t know, but I do know that it would have been naive of us not to think that rats may visit our garden, especially because we had chickens.

On the first night we moved into the house Harley was going mad at something in the garden. The house had not been lived in for three years, and the garden had been occupied by three goats (hence the name for the goat’s shed) and anything else that chose to live here! We only had Harley at that time, we moved here in August and Wiglet, aka the serial killer, did not come to live with us until the October. Had she been here then what Rich discovered would not have lived to see another day, but as it was only Harley the huge rat that Rich found when he went out to get Harley by torchlight, managed to get away. Although we did not see a sight of it after that, the following year Wiglet came bouncing down the garden so happy with a huge, dead rat in her mouth. “Thanks for that!” I said!

Over the years we did not see any more rats because our dogs are hunters and, especially when the serial killer moved in, the rats were deterred. But where there are chickens there are normally rats and after putting too many left overs in their enclosure in April we believe that a whole family moved in.

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We thought that we might have a problem after the chickens appeared to have stopped laying, and it appears that rats will steal the eggs and attack the chickens. They knew that they were safe from Wiglet (aka serial killer) because she could not get in the enclosure, although at times she would go mad trying to get in there, and she would also spend hours staring at something hiding in the twigs from the trees we had cut down, with her little tail wagging as if to say “I am so pleased to see you, come and play little rat!” She has dug holes all over our garden trying to flush them out and we planned, after we moved the chickens of course, to let her into the old Chicken Hilton and have a field day.

Over the summer Rich had seen the rats, I never had because I normally have the dogs in tow, but he said that they were getting more and more blase, and would  come out into the chicken enclosure in daylight. One day he counted seven going back into the Hilton tail to tail because (you guessed it!) Wiglet had come out to play. So we hatched our plan: we were going to put the chickens somewhere safe and let Wiglet have a day in the henhouse catching rats. For her it would be like a day at Disney!

I told you she is the most beautiful loving, vulnerable little dog but her mother and father were hunting stock and she is a born and bred hunter!

But, as is life’s way  nature beat us to it…

As I lay in bed one night with Rich snoring beside me, I could hear the hooting of a Tawny owl (probably the one that loves to sit in our cherry tree and look at us.); I have explained in previous blogs that one of the beauties of living out here is the owls that you just see every day (you may want to visit my post: what is is about you and owls!) There are Tawny owls, Barn owls and the cute little Pygmy owls that come out in the day..

pygmy owlIn addition I could also hear a lot of screeching! Husband will sleep through anything but I lay there knowing that the rats were getting their come-uppance! Our cats had also been very interested in the chicken enclosure and I imagined them sitting on the stumps of the trees with a glass of wine watching the entertainement!

Over the next few nights as we lay in bed we could hear Barn owls, and their babies and a lot of screeching, and squealing, coming from the garden and I knew that the rats had become too blasé, and the owls had spread the word and were now having a a feast.

Gradually we saw less and less of the rats, any food that the chickens had not eaten remained uneaten (although we have drastically reduced the scraps that they have.) Over the past few weeks we have seen no rats at all, although their warren of holes are still evident as Wiglet digs them up! One day Harley did spend an age staring into a hole wagging his tail in greeting, but it was a false greeting because that rat would not have lived to see another day.

So nature took over, the owls killed the rats, as they were meant to do, and I lay in bed listening to the life that goes on outside when you live in rural France.

I know that as the trees that we chopped down gradually get cut into logs, and I turn the twigs into kindling, the rats will have nowhere to hide, and if there are any about trust me Wiglet will have her day!

There is no going back to the Chicken Hilton for them because the dogs are now in there all the time. It may only be a matter of time before I am back in a scene from ‘Whatever happened to Baby Jane’ and Wiglet presents me with another dead rat. Good!

In addition Rich found a cache of hidden chicken eggs under the hay in the old suite of the Chicken Hilton that was once occupied by the chickens; the poor chicken was laying and was hiding them from the dreaded rats! The fact that they had not been eaten is also evidence that the rats have been scared off – straight into the jaws of Wiglet!

It’s all part of the adventure folks!

Moisy

Can you have too much Kindness, Empathy, or Conscientiousness?

15 Saturday Sep 2018

Posted by in Reflections, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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Kindness – the quality of being gentle, caring and helpful

This is a post to make you think, all of the questions are rhetorical, but I would love to hear your opinions.

Since living here, as some of you may know, we have experienced many people who have turned out to be (how shall I say it given the topic?) not very nice. They have taken advantage of any kindness we have shown them, any empathy that we have felt and, given their nature, most often than not totally abused our conscientiousness. In fact as I have researched this post I have struggled to find a quote that I can use for kindness.

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So it makes me wonder if the bastards are starting to beat me!

Over the past few months or so I have been thinking often if there are there times when we can be too kind? I believe that all things are lessons in life and that because I am naturally kind life is trying to tell me that I need to protect myself sometimes and not always give people the benefit of the doubt; it has made me wonder – When do we stop being kind?

I have often had it said to me that people mistake my kindness for a weakness. Is that them? Or is it me?

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I think that it may well be them and that their need and to feel superior, and to use people and abuse their kindness is because they are ultimately insecure in themselves or in their lives.

So this brings me onto Empathy.

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As some of you may know I had an incredibly stressful job back in the UK. My job was with the NHS, the National Health Service, and main provider of health in the UK. The main part of my role was to oversee all of the feedback that came into the organisations that I worked for and to improve service from that feedback. But ultimately it was to deal with complaints and concerns that came into the organisations.

Now I have a strong sense of empathy, I cry when I see other’s predicaments, my heart goes out to people and I have always, from a young age, been able to see that ‘There, but for the grace of God, go I.’ But there is a problem with having a strong sense of empathy and that is that other’s can abuse that, and eventually transfer their problem on to you and believe that you are the one either responsible for it, or solely responsible for sorting it out. Had I known then what I know now perhaps I would not have had a breakdown….

‘Empathetic Reactivity – When too much empathy is bad. With empathy, you will feel their stress, anxiety, and anger in your body. You might feel their pain emotionally and physically. … Taking on other people’s feelings so that youlive their experience can make you susceptible to feelings of depression or hopelessness’
Psychologytoday.com
Now clearly I did not learn, and since coming over here I have continued to be taught the lesson because I did not learn. There have been the lonely people, who at times were completely and utterly rude to me; but would then cry and say how lonely they were and I would go back to visit them, even though there behaviour had been bad. In fact there have been a lot of lonely people who I have had empathy with and been kind to who have then been rude to me. Perhaps now I can see why they are so fucking lonely!!
I have had negative people who, only when I have stepped away from them have I seen how negative they were. I continued to be kind to them but can only see now that they too were negative because often people stepped away from them, thereby making them lonely – there seems to be a pattern here!!
That then makes me ask the question can we be too conscientious?
The definition for consienciousness is ‘governed by conscience, to do something according to one’s inners sense of what is right – to be principled.’
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Now here lies the problem- What happens when the people you encounter don’t have any principles or conscience? Or when they do they are selfish principles where their consience will always put them first? So here you will be, with your kind empathetic principles or conscience; and there they will be with their selfish, or bigoted principles or conscience, and who do you think will end up being taken advantage of?
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I have come to realise that, through my lessons since moving here, I should remember that not everyone’s conscience considers others first; and that an awful lot of people will not take the painful course.
Add to the mix out here the ‘Have’s’ and ‘Have nots’ – the people who have money and those who, like Rich and I, live hand to mouth each day. that then makes it very difficult; because often the ‘Have’s’ more often than not, sadly, don’t have any empathy and they sure don’t have an ounce of consciousness so they take advantage of people – I am not just talking about Rich and I now because I written of this often in this blog (see ‘It’s time someone said it’ or When do you stay quiet?’) of how people have been exploited over here.
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You may have guessed that I have mulled this question over a lot over the last month, and considered life’s message and this is my conclusion:

Yes, you can be too kind. But.. I believe that you should be kind first and then see the reaction and consider it and if the other person is not kind to you don’t continue to be kind, but importantly don’t be unkind either, just step away.

More importantly always you consider yourself when being kind, do not do it to the detriment of yourself.

With regard to empathy – Yes I totally believe that you can have too much empathy. But I don’t want to lose that ability, I don’t want to be sucked into the dark side, so I have come to the conclusion that sometimes I need to reign myself in. I cannot give my all and I should not try.

With regard to conscientiousness that is easy for me, I will always be conscientious to others, because that is my prinicple, do unto others as they would do unto you. But that is a double edged sword because what do you do when they do bad things to you?! For me I will not necessarily do them back (again I don’t want to be sucked into the darkness) but I will step away. I don’t need that shit in my life anymore!

So everyone what do you think? Is there such a thing as being too kind, and what happens if we all stop being kind just because of the ‘Haters’?

Here’s what Mother Theresa had to say, and I think she is right….

Image result for kindness quotesI love giving you something to think about at the weekend!!

Moisy

A murder in the henhouse

06 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by in My family and other furry creatures, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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It finally happened! After nearly eighteen months, we were down to two chickens and Claude, my beautiful cockerel…..

Wiglet the Welshie got into the henhouse! After eighteen months of barking, digging, chewing at the fence, watching, and, occasionally getting hold of a chicken through the fence by it’s arse,she finally got her wish. Here’s the story, is life showing us the way?

We had no idea how old the girlies were when we got them, we just wanted to give them a good home. But over time four of the girlies have died, and the others had stopped laying.

We were in a dilemma, we have to demolish part of our old goat’s shed, and utilise the remaining half, so the chickens have to be evicted. But we decided we couldn’t give them away to someone who would ring their necks, especially that of my beautiful Claudy, as his days would be numbered for sure. But we were not sure what to do, build a smaller chicken run and house perhaps?

Over the past few days we have been clearing out our barn ( but that us another story) and were not in the garden. One of the remaining girls had been off colour and Wiglet, the huntress, knew it. It was the same poor chicken that she had tried to pull through the fence by her arse on a number of occasions, I suppose her days were numbered really. And today that day came; as we were in the barn Wiglet chewed through a weak piece of fence and was in with the chickens!

We heard the commotion and screaming and clucking but by the time Rich got there the chicken was dead, and Rich could see Claude being dragged into the henhouse. He thought quickly, Wiglet does not like loud bangs so he banged loudly on the henhouse wall with a lump of wood, and threw a rock at it, all the time we could hear Claude screaming, but as Rich took action Wiglet came running out.

Rich had told me not to go up there, and I was so sad for my beautiful Claudy, I did not want him to go into the pot, and now he was in Wiglet’s jaws and I cried.

I knew that I had to face it, and as I walked up to the chicken enclosure Rich was beside himself; the hen lay dead and Rich was convinced that Claude had been mortally wounded and that he would have to put him out of his misery. He went to get a bag for them whilst chasing Wiglet off, and I stood guard at the gate.

But when he entered the henhouse he found Claude hiding, and after checking him over, apart from the loss of his beautiful blue tail feathers he was okay!

So now a temporary fix is in place, with the chicken wire we had bought for the new enclosure, Wiglet has been scared off by a banger firework, and change of plan for the weekend: Rich will be building the new enclosure.

Let’s see how Claude fares, but we cannot be angry with Wiglet for long, she is only doing what nature intended.

It’s all go here…….

Moisy

Changes are coming – The Gate

03 Monday Sep 2018

Posted by in My home, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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I said earlier this year that I felt it, deep inside me, that change is coming; and it is, in fact it has started already. So what better way to mark that change than to change our old and very very worn out gate – a new portal to allow new things to come our way.

When we moved here our gate was tatty but okay, however nobody had been living in the house for at least three years and, therefore, apart from the odd visit from the owner, nobody had been using the gate – unless the goats and chickens that were resident then felt the need to open it!

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But as time wore on, and the wind battered it, and the tornado assaulted it, and the Welshie’s bashed into it, the gate started to fall apart. Rich repaired it with any old bits of wood he could find – times have been hard and that is the price for the simple life we have – with blue wood, and any old cut offs just to stop the dogs getting out.

We put additional bolts on it to stop it blowing open in the howling winds that you get when you live in a house on a hill, but eventually  the slats started to fall out, and the bottom had started to rot and fall off, and we knew that the gate would not last another winter.

So last week the time had come to take down the old gates….

and dig out the old rotting posts, which were, as Rich and our French friend Matt found out, were buried a meter into the ground. Even with a Kango, pickaxe, and brute strength it took them over four hours to get the posts out, and all of the wood that remained.

I can honestly say that the air was a certain hue of blue up here that day!!! After six hours the boys were exhausted.

But they triumphed in the end and the next day new posts were buried, a new farm gate attached and a smaller gate made by my enterprising husband, including chicken wire to stop any little Welshies called Dylan, from escaping when they visit.

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This weekend Rich finished it off with a lick of preservative and our garden now looks completely different, and as if it is now ours. Our wonderful neighbours all gave us the thumbs up, probably because it no longer looks like Mr and Mrs Skank live here!!

But for me this was a symbol, we were putting in something new that represented a new portal that would let new things into our lives. We have let a lot of things go this year, including some people who we dropped off from our mini bus when we realised that our lives were going in different directions; and that, perhaps, some of them were having a negative impact on our lives.

We have also let some clients go, and Rich has had a change of direction with his career. We realised our worth! Not least where abusive people and people who don’t pay you are concerned, and since then things have only looked better and better.

Let go of the negatives in your life folks and good things will then come your way.

Look out for more posts – times they are a changing….

Moisy

Inspiration

01 Saturday Sep 2018

Posted by in People, Reflections, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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Inspiration: …

‘The action or power of moving the intellect or emotions….’

‘Fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative…’

‘The act of influencing or suggesting opinions ….’

I started this post a few days ago, and then life took over and showed me the way and I thought I would share this with you today, to perhaps inspire you over the weekend, whether to make change for yourself, to think, or to inspire others…..

Over the past month I have it said to me, by numerous people, that I inspire them. What a wonderful thing to have said to you!

For me, especially, it is pertinent because I started this blog to inspire others, the people who wanted to make change in their lives, to have that adventure.

So how did life show me the way?

Yesterday morning we encountered a ‘Hater’ a person who is at odds with the world, who joins in the vitriol on the group FB sites, and who hates to see people doing well. She messaged Rich to tell him how he was NOT allowed to sell his old van without certain certifications! Not content with that she then messaged him direct (all under the cloak of pretending to care) to tell him the same. Her aim was to raise his fears, hold him back, stop him selling the van. We ignored her, it is the best thing to do to people who know that they are so banal that they already invisible to most. I suppose I should be grateful, really, she was part of the inspiration to write this post, as Nora Ephron said ‘Everything’s copy!’

But it did get under Rich’s skin, until I pointed out that he was allowing her to achieve exactly what she wanted to, how he was allowing her to spoil the afternoon we had planned: to take the dogs for a lovely walk at a beautiful lake near to us. Rich listened and he let it go.

Then that afternoon at the lake I encountered a lover of life, a person who is just genuinely pleased for everyone when life is going well. A lovely lady who I had made cyber friends with many moons ago when we both re-homed dogs from the same human being (read what you will into the term I have used!)

It was a beautiful afternoon and as we walked one way around the lake she and her hubby were walking the other way. I had never met her in person, only via FB and this blog, but she knew me as soon as she saw me and said ‘ you must be Moisy’ and rushed towards me to give me a massive hug. Life had set it up perfectly to emphasise that where there is bad, there is also good. This lady reads all my posts, loves them all, was so pleased that things were going well for us, and understood how hard it had been for us. She was the good to counterbalance the bad.

I came to realise that I have achieved my aim to inspire others. Over the past month, one friend has told me how I have inspired her to sell her house and make the move into the countryside, and to believe that what she needed would come her way if she just trusted life to show her; and it did.

Another friend has been inspired to face her fears and start a blog (although she must face the fear of worrying what everyone thinks, or she won’t write anything.)

And then it got me thinking and reflecting on the past few years: On how people I don’t know have messaged me to say I have inspired them to think about the lives they are living and how they are making them ill.

Of how other people have started blogs because of mine, how I have inspired them to drop their guard, and write what they wanted. Other people have started to read the Tao, have wanted to make change, and more than anything people have encouraged me to believe in my book, and to now write one about my experiences on this adventure and have thereby inspired me.

More than anything my dear friend is now looking to live in France part-time, to make more change, God knows she’s made so much in the past year she’s almost flying now, and there’s nothing to stop her!

So who inspires you?

How would you like to inspire others?

If you asked me what inspiring others is it is …..

“To give someone the belief that they, too, can make change…”

I hope I have inspired you to think this weekend, and remember live for the moment, the only moment is now

Moisy

When do you stay quiet?!

18 Wednesday Apr 2018

Posted by in People, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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I think it is fair to say that I am a Tao’ist. I try to follow it’s principles in most of my life; and since reading and understanding it my life has become infinitely better.

So I have thought hard about this post because, on the other hand, as I have said many times before, I hate bullies, I am not a sheeple (see previous posts), and I want to write. The best advice I was given when I took up writing was not to worry about what people thought because if you did that would mean that you would not write anything because you would be held back by others. I took this to heart.

Last March I wrote a post about the exploitation that goes on over here in France with people that are just trying to make an honest living. In this post I also wrote about the people that ‘work’ over here and take the piss – not doing things that they have said they will do etc. It was a balanced post but I can only write about our experiences and as my husband is working over here, and because we are conscientious, we have had the piss taken out of us on many an occasion.

I have wondered whether it is best to give credence to the arsehole that I am about to write about because they clearly have a very large ego. But hey! As I never name anyone when I write a post such as this if they see themselves in it that is because they, themselves, think that they are an arsehole!!! Really! In fact this particular person is so up themselves that they posted on Facebook recently, because clearly Facebook is their universe, and so therefore everyone else’s, about work that had supposedly not been completed by awful tradesmen over here who were English. It touched a nerve and I decided that ‘hey’ why just share in France why don’t I give ‘said’ tradesmen a voice and share it across the world, because my readers are scattered far and wide!

Here goes…..

A few weeks ago a dear friend got Rich some work at a place that they were working at. Other tradesmen had walked off the jobs and the work needed to be completed. Rich worked there for three weeks, put up with the client calling them all lazy C***s virtually every day, and even worked late into the evening over his agreed hours because of the tantrums ‘said’ client kept having. The client said that they needed a handyman and even asked Rich to work on the Saturday. But something (apart from the name calling) did not ring true and Rich did not work the Saturday. In fact he decided that he did not want to be this client’s handyman because of their childish and arrogant behaviour. Rich knew he would not be paid until the end of the month (something very difficult for people who are mainly living hand to mouth) but he accepted this was the case. Guess what?! When the end of the month came the client ‘disappeared’ for the weekend and Rich did not get his money until over a week later and it was 200 euro less than the amount  that had been agreed. We took it on the chin, Rich wasn’t going back. (And yes all the petty people it has all been declared!!)

But what was more shocking was that the men that Rich was working with were not paid at all! The client refused to pay them until the job was finished to ‘make sure that they went back!’ These men had worked four of the five nights the previous week until 9 at night, because the client was behaving so badly; and now he was refusing to pay them anything!!

Why would they not go back? Also why would they go back if you don’t fucking pay them!!!

Understandably they have all decided not to return to complete the job until they are paid for what they have already done. Why would you go back to a job and continue to work for what could be nothing? After all, when a person has already reneged on an arrangement the balance of probabilities would be that they will not pay you what has been agreed. These men had no option but to not return. Guess what, arsehole, they need money to eat, put fuel in their vehicles, so they will have to go to jobs that pay them; and this is NOT you!!!!

So imagine my surprise when this person (and I hasten to add here I have not said whether they are male or female) then posts on a Facebook site how these awful people have not come back, how they ‘whinge’ and how French tradespeople are so much more reliable. Really?! They are also three times more expensive, and you have to pay them half the monies up front, with agreed payments throughout the job; and we all know you’re not very good at that!!! So good luck with that! The mistake the English workers made was that they believed the client on their word and did not give them what is known as a devis, which means that they did not get monies in advance.

This person decided to bully them further because they  knew if they replied then it may affect them getting work in the future. I have not named any of them – other than my darling husband – who does not want to work for people like that anyway, and had finished the job he was, as it appears, NOT being paid to do. This person has relied on the fear factor and thought that because as Facebook is clearly the only medium (I don’t go onto the group sites anymore because they are too negative), they were wrong!! I will speak up for the other workers  answer me, I will publish their comments if they do and let you all answer them – I know some of you will!!

What I will say, in defence of these tradesmen who have not been paid, is that if you are trying to name and shame then it works both ways. If anyone reads this and wants to know who NOT to go and work for then please contact me I will be happy to share based on our experience (although Rich got paid something!) and that of our friends.

What would I say to the ‘arsehole’?

“It’s all copy!!”

But I am picking up that you are too thick and up your own arse to realise it!!

Sorry folks, but I hate bullies.

Oh and to all those who think ‘ooh this may affect Rich getting work!’ If it is with arseholes he doesn’t want it!!! We have enough lovely people now that Rich works for. we are selective because money is not our God, and if we believe and stay away from negative arseholes then good things come our way.

Please folks if you are outraged by this story let’s make it go global, let’s stop the bullies there are too many of them in this world!!

I thank you in advance and would really welcome your comments.

Moisy