Category Archives: Change is a coming

Triggers and Positives.

08 Wednesday Jul 2020

Posted by in a sense of community, Change is a coming, Friends, Learning and Evolving, mental health, People, The continuing adventure

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It’s been a difficult few weeks, mainly because I was triggered after returning to work, and I didn’t even realise I now have things that will trigger me.

This is my first job since I was ill six years ago. I was told then by my counsellor that I am what is known as a ‘doer’. It means I will always get things done, and do them well. The downside of that is that I will often be asked to do things because I can be relied upon, over and over again, piling the pressure on. This time I was told that I was being given a job because I was good at something that others struggle with, it was meant to be seen as a compliment, but I saw it as flannel. I am too old for that. But the most frightening thing was that my brain went into high alert, silently screaming ‘Oh no! It’s happening again, I cannot do this any more!’ It literally went into flight mode and I had no control over it. That is a frightening place to be.

Within a week I was in a depression, I could feel myself falling and I couldn’t stop. RD was so afraid because by the SaturdaymI had stopped answering my texts and communicating other than with my work face on.

But then work sent a co-worker to assist me and she was a breath of fresh air. She listened, that simple, she listened; and she made me laugh. In fact I started to see that the women who came to assist me in that second week were all brilliant in their own way. But more than anything they were kind, so kind.

So rather than dwell on negatives I will focus on the positives from this difficult time. I have changed their names in anagram form as much as possible here goes…

To Tan, who brought me new socks to wear because I had sent all my socks home, on the hope that the normal ferries would be working. I had to go home on Boaty McBoatface again, at 5am in the morning, so they were a Godsend. Also a big thanks for your support and making me laugh.

To Elvis, she will know who she is. Her ways brought me back, gave me something to smile about. What you saw was what you got, straight talking, but kind. Supportive in every way. She finished my last week off by buying fresh Jersey Royal potatoes and bringing them to me to bring home to RD. Then she came to see me with a freshly baked lemon drizzle cake that she made at midnight the night before, for RD. It’s the best lemon drizzle cake I have ever eaten.

Then there is Rhoma, who brought me two books, and we set up a chick lit book club. A lovely lady, who helped me understand it wasn’t me.

There is the lovely member of staff, who when I got upset cried with me, and hugged me. That small thing meant so much.

It all made me realise that I work with a wonderful group of people, who don’t have the recognition they deserve.

I am home now, sitting in my garden, treasuring this view. This will be our last summer here. The house is going on the market next week. Busy times.

Rosie

It’s flown by

16 Tuesday Jun 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Goodbyes, Making our own way, new adventures, New Paths, The continuing adventure

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I go back to work tomorrow. I will probably be away from home again for three weeks. But I am enjoying my job, not just the money it brings, but the freedom, and also that it gives me back a sense of identity.

For the first two weeks the temperatures were over thirty degrees here. So we jinxed it: we put the pool up, and five days later it started to rain and has rained pretty much every day here since! Not just rained, but poured. Our ground is saturated ai think if we got the lawn mower out it would sink!

But on one of the hot, sun dodging, days RD and I were sitting in the garden chatting and I could see him just smiling at me. When I asked him why he said it had been a long while since he had seen me so animated about something. I realised he was right. I have missed working, I have missed interacting with other people, I have missed having responsibility. Since starting my job I have deliberately tried to stay out of any politics, and the beauty of this jib is that I have responsibility only for myself to do a good job, and nobody else. I like that.

What all this made me realise was just how much I enjoy working, I enjoy meeting people, and I don’t want to go back to not having that. Ireland will also offer me more work opportunities, (again it can’t offer me any less than here) and I can continue in my current role if I want to. Those are decisions to be made at a later date.

But it also made me think about just how much RD misses that. He doesn’t miss working for most of the people here, but he does miss camaraderie and ‘the crack.’ As winter draws in and I am not here it will miss that more, although he puts on a brave face and insists he won’t.

I have always said I will be honest and now is the time to say that although we all think we want out of the ‘rat race’ do we? Or do we want to dip a toe in every now and then?

We have achieved a lot, sorted out furniture in many rooms, ready for sale, and I have finally sorted right through our filing and admin. Didn’t quite achieve getting all of the ironing done though.

I have enjoyed by five weeks at home, but now I am getting bored with what we have here and I am ready to go back. I will miss my RD and my puppies and kittens, that is the hardest thing. But once I am there I will crack on.

I am back on Boaty McBoatface tomorrow, hopefully I won’t have to climb down the ladder!

Rosie

Making Our Minds Up … no barriers have been set

15 Monday Jun 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Dream, Learning and Evolving, new adventures, New Paths, The continuing adventure

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We have had many discussions about the next move.

When I first came home I said to RD how we live in this house rent free. We have stuck to our learnings about not getting any debt for windows, or cesspits, or anything that we don’t have the money to pay for. There have been times on this adventure that we have thought ‘Thank God we didn’t get any debt!’

There were times we were tempted. The French Government has a scheme for new windows and doors where you can obtain loans at a very low interest rate. But they are still loans, and they still tie you and trap you and stop you having options for the future. We stuck to our guns and so we live in this house, that is fully paid for, rent free.

But the housing market across the world has been affected by the pandemic and the valuations came in at less than we hoped. We wouldn’t lose any of our initial outlay, but we would not recoup what we have paid for water, and a new roof, new doors, new gates, and a soon to be new barn roof.

But we also know that we live in the Parc Normandie, and have rolling hills in front of us and countryside surrounding us. We also live on a dead end road, no through traffic just quiet, with neighbours near enough to support us, but far enough to have our space. We know what this house offers so it will work out, the things we have money cannot buy, and they cannot be added.

But we were pragmatic and thought well if we moved to Ireland we would have to rent and pay out money we don’t pay out now. I now have a job, let’s just enjoy France for a year and see where life takes us. We have a lot to do before it goes up for sale next month.

However there is another way to look at it. There is no work here for RD, and there will be some work in Ireland, mainly based on the fact that he speaks the language. Let’s put it this way: There won’t be any less! If RD earns the money that the rent would cost then we won’t be any worse off than we are now. Mmmmmmm a dilemma.

So we have decided to put the house up for sale, let life show us the way, and when it does we will make the decision on when to move.

We’re not stressed. We know that what will be will be.

Rosie

Learning from an Adventure: Making our Minds Up

08 Monday Jun 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Learning and Evolving, new adventures, New Paths, sunrises and sunsets, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure

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Sunset over our garden, setting on our adventure in France

I have been meaning to write some blogs for all of last week. It is likely that I will be going back to work soon and I want a series that will post if the internet is not available to me. But life took over (as it always does). But here goes……

As I said in my previous post Recouping….and making plans we are still decided to leave France. Change, especially a change so great is still not easy, despite having the courage to do it once before. But one of the main things we have learned from this adventure is that ‘life does show you the way.’

Lao Tzu | Water reflection quotes, Lao tzu quotes, Water quotes

Since living here I/we have read the Tao, and now understand some of the anomaly of life. This adventure has given us the space and the necessity to look at life in a different way, which enabled us to understand the teachings of the Tao in that life is like water: You cannot hold on to it and control it no matter how much you think you can. But if you go with the flow of what life shows you then you can become strong, then you can achieve anything, providing it is what you need, not what you think you need.

So with that in mind we were talking about moving to Ireland. The UK is not for us, with it’s politics, anger and lack of equality. It’s funny how now I can feel that underlying greed in some places I go. So it’s not an option. As we talked I asked RD if he really wanted to give up this house, our views and the tranquility it provided. If he really wanted to leave France. The little demon of doubt kicked in and he said he didn’t know. It showed me that for me the way was now clear, but for RD that fear of change was still there.

The next day I sat us in the morning sunshine with a cup of tea and two pads and pens. On each pad I had made two columns which I had headed ‘Love’ and ‘Hate’.

Now I know that hate is a strong word to use, but that is how I feel about some of this adventure now, not so much the actual thing itself, but impact from the actual thing; and I knew that RD felt the same. So I asked him to write, without thinking, what immediately came into his head for each column and I would do the same, and we would then compare the columns. I also knew that it would help to clear the mind, from writing my journal all these years I know that writing it down takes doubts voice, the little chatty one in your brain, away.

The objective was to then compare what we had written to enable us to see if we were on the same page, and to also enable us to compare what we did and didn’t want to take forward in our new life.

We both wrote that we ‘hate’ the bureaucracy, that we both hate the fact that we cannot simply speak the language (trust me I have tried but it drives you nuts sometimes). Interestingly (or not) we both put the ex-pats in this area as top of the list. We both put that we disliked the intensely hot weather, which has got hotter in the five years since we lived here due to global warming. We added the banks, and the corruption that goes hand in hand with them, that everything just shuts down, nothing stays open into the evening, or Sundays, or bank holidays.

We fell in love with France for the tranquility and laid back way of life. We still love that, but only in small doses, not for all of our life.

So I suppose you could say that we have learned a lot about what we actually want from life from doing this adventure!

Moving on to the ‘Love’ list without a doubt we both love the view.

The view of the rolling hills of the valley. It’s what we see every day from our window

We also love the weather. weirdly enough, when it is not too hot. We love the definition of the seasons, and of course we love our wonderful French friends and neighbours.

We love the peace and tranquility. But we have learned as our life has carved out it’s way for us that for us that is not enough.

We want to be able to work, preferably in the same country and coming home each night! We want to be able to walk into a shop and just talk to someone, or pick up the phone and resolve a problem. If you saw the mountain of paperwork I am about to work through over the next two days you would understand.

It was an eye-opening exercise, especially for RD, as he could then clearly see what he did and did not want from the future. In fact he listened to my list and started to say ‘why didn’t I think of that?’ All the time adding some of what I had written to his list.

But most of all it enabled us to see that all of the important things to us from the ‘Love’ list are available to us in Ireland: as are most of the things on the hate list overcome if we move to Ireland. Views, tranquility, peace, easy going people, being able to speak the language, not having to deal with ex-pats. It wouldn’t get too hot in the summer either (although an ex-pat who has never been to Ireland did tell me how it rains ALL the time! Who am I ,whose father was Irish and has visited many times, to argue?!)

Yes some things will be more expensive, but where there is good there is always bad, as the Tao says: There has to be.

RD’s column, and mine can be seen in their entirety below. You never know it may help some people clear their minds. Trust me it works.

Rosie’s List
RD’s list

So last week we had three estate agents come round to value the house. More of that and our decision making in the next post…….

Rosie

Early sunrise from my terrace. A new beginning.

Recouping….and making plans

02 Tuesday Jun 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Dream, Learning and Evolving, Making our own way, My home, new adventures, New Paths, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The good life

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I have been a while sharing some posts because we have been back to having no internet again! But now, finally, we now have a hub, and all hopefully all should be okay.

So due to that I have not been able to post all that I wanted to,  there is lots to share and I will endeavor to catch up some of it now.

As I write this post I am sitting in the very warm French sunshine, thankfully being cooled by a gusty breeze, it would be too hot otherwise. I have now been home just over two weeks, and I have found the need to have a nap in the afternoon up until last week. I was tired. We have spent a lot of these two weeks just sitting in our garden in the very warm weather and enjoying what we have (and too much wine!) Daisy out smooth coated cat has finally realised I am mummy, and allowed me to cuddle her again. She was miffed I was I was away so long

It has been a busy two weeks for many reasons not least RD has had raging toothache and has had to visit the dentist (emergencies only at present in France.) He is due to go back tomorrow to have the tooth removed.

We have also rearranged the furniture in the living room, taking some out and putting it in the barn. As per my previous post   whilst I was away RD made himself busy and painted everything in the kitchen white. So we took the decision to take out the huge vintage French buffet that we had in there and put back the bottom of our larder unit that I painted many, many moons ago. It is to make the room airy and bright, and it is safe to say we have achieved our objective. All with a view to selling our house. 

Despite my love of my home we are still going to leave France. I have been blessed to live here but the urge to move on is still with me. When I came home the peacefulness of our surroundings were not lost on me, but they are not enough, and I do believe that life is about change. In fact whether we like it or not life is all about change, it’s one of the bigger lessons I have learnt.

20 Insightful Albert Einstein Quotes That Will Change Your Mindset

But me being me, I have realised that I am trying to cram everything in and make the change happen quickly. I have heard myself say ‘We need to be in Ireland by this time next year.’ Why do we?

Yes, Rich will need to find work and I think that by this time next year he will be ready to move somewhere where he can speak the language, especially if I am still in my current job, and away for two weeks at a time. And I like my job, I am learning so much, but that is for another post.

I had forgotten one of my other biggest lessons and our belief: That ‘life’ shows you the way. Or to quote M Scott Peck from ‘The Road Less Travelled’ “Someone else is doing the driving.” So whilst our plans remain the same, and we will move to Ireland, we will get the house valued and then decide if it goes on the market now or in a few months.

For the first time since living here we have the opportunity to live the life we wanted to, so we are going to enjoy it for now. The weather is hot, the pool is up, but we also know we have a lot to do in the time I am here.

More to come…

Rosie

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

01 Monday Jun 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, new adventures, New Paths, renovations, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure

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When I first got home the peacefulness of where we live came over me like a wave. It was not lost on me how blessed we are to live here. The birdsong that surrounds us, and the rolling hills.

Then I walked into the kitchen and saw all the hard work that RD had done painting the whole kitchen white (five coats on the ceiling! One of RD’s characteristics is tenacity, no doubting that!) what hit me was the size of my kitchen. I had not realised it was that big!

I love my home, but I have learnt that home is wherever you make it. So enjoying where I am right now, and counting my blessings in the here and now.

More to come ….

Rosie

I realised this is all part of the adventure

24 Sunday May 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, For the live of dogs, Friends, Goodbyes, new adventures, New Paths, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure

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After writing my last post A retrospective blog: Going Home…. the wonderful Ed (more of him in a moment) came down to us all and told us that there were dolphins swimming alongside the boat. Going back out in the sunshine not only warmed us physically it warmed us spiritually as well.

Alongside the boat was a school of dolphins, all female with their calves, it literally took my breath away as they leapt out of the water, inches in front of me. They followed us for at least an hour of our three hour journey and it made me think of just how precious nature is.

Ed explained that due to recent over fishing in France they had not seen the dolphins for some time because sadly so many had been killed. But due to the limitations put into place by Covid 19 the French fishing boats had not been out as much and the dolphins were now back alongside the boat. It was perhaps telling that as we approached French waters the dolphins left us. Perhaps Covid 19 has something to teach us after all.

I decided to stay on deck because the sun had warmed me up, after the freezing cabin below. I just let the breeze blow through my hair, and watched in amazement as the cormorant that followed us, so far out to sea, was one minute floating on the air currents and the next hurtling towards the sea in the shape of an arrow, plunging deep, and coming back up with a fish in its’ mouth.

As I stood on that little boat I realised that if you had told me ten years ago that I would be standing on the deck of a little fishing boat from Jersey, making my way back across the English Channel to France, watching dolphins and cormorants I would have laughed at you; it was so far from my reality at that time. And I then realised that IS the adventure: change, things you didn’t ever think would happen, and how important it has been in all of this to keep an open mind to all possibilities. This is truly the adventure.

But more was to come when we arrived in the small port in the pretty seaside town of Granville.

Port of Granville in France Stock Photo: 102271541 - Alamy

If you look to the right of this photo you will see the wall where the boat came in to dock. We had been warned that we may have to climb up a vertical ladder, they were not kidding! But more than that they did not warn us that we would have to climb one ladder from the boat across to a platform and then step across a meter gap to the vertical ladder on the wall with the sea directly between you. I don’t like heights, the platform was moving and I froze. Bless the wonderful Ed, he was so patient with me as I started to cry with fear. But it was when I could see my husband, and all my girlfriends who were going back to Jersey to work, calling out encouragement I thought of how desperately I wanted to get home, and I said ‘No, I am going to do it.’ The lovely Ed put one leg across to guide me and held my arm and I went for it.

I have never shot up a vertical ladder so fast in my life, with my wonderful RD waiting at the top to pull me up.

We had to go through the formalities with some very officious gendarmes, I hugged my girlfriends goodbye and good luck, they had to go back down the ladder after all! And with that we were off on our journey home.

Home the most wonderful place of all, with my puppies waiting to see me.

And my long awaited glass of wine (sixty eight days with no alcohol!)

This really is turning in to a bigger adventure than I ever anticipated.

Rosie

Consider Every Little Nuance

15 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Learning and Evolving, mental health, People, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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I posted this on my newsfeed a few days ago. It touched me when I read it because, at times, I have felt overwhelmed; not by the thought of the Pandemic, but the hysteria that has reared it’s uglier head as a result of it.

So before I go any further I want to stress: for those who may choose to see what they want to see in the midst of the hysteria that seems to be gripping the world, this post DID NOT advocate going outside and breaking any lockdowns.

So please if you feel the need to comment about self-isolation then read the post again, and again. See every little nuance.

This is a post about understanding: merely a post asking people to understand that what may not be essential for you, may be crucial for someone else. The items (paint and compost) are items that are sold in most supermarkets across the world, so someone could buy them whilst shopping for food.

RD posted it on various sites and a lot of people thanked him for saying what they were afraid to say. Yes, ‘Afraid’! Because they thought they would be shot down in flames by the very people who had also commented in the fashion of ‘You should not break the self-isolation rules.’ And worse….

It highlighted to me the hysteria that has taken over the world. With self-appointed Facebook police jumping on anyone who dare not share the herd mentality, or question some of the things that are happening. The media who are not (or haven’t been until recently) asking the questions that should be asked.

Like ‘What’s the fucking plan?’

In England we clap for those in the NHS bravely doing such a hard, emotional, heartbreaking job. But we don’t question the fact that the NHS is still woefully without the equipment needed. We are shown arial views of car parks, told they have been set up as testing sites, but they are always empty, with frontline NHS staff refused tests, whilst ministers get tested instead.

I have seen very few people question this, why?

All over we have care homes, full of the most vulnerable in our society, especially where Covid-19 is concerned, left to fend for themselves. In the UK they were not even being counted in the ‘stats’, why? Because they don’t count? It is only now, months into this pandemic that the questions are tentatively being asked, and even they are not enough.

Why is nobody as outraged about any of this as they are outraged if their neighbour decides to buy paint? I would ask why over and over, but I know why, because they are not interested, they are only interested in attacking others, it is so much easier than considering something that is actually quite frightening, if you consider every little nuance.

In France there are people who recently asked why there were camper vans parked in a local car park, they were outraged that people were on holiday. The people in the campervans lived there! But those asking and shouting loudly, didn’t even stop to consider that some people don’t live in houses. Because surely everyone must live in a house!

These are the very people who are so outraged if someone dares to buy something that may well keep them sane, and stop them from killing their family. There is such an irony that these people cannot see their own mental frailties.

Recently I changed my profile picture to this.

I kid you not when I say that someone commented on how we were not social isolating! It was taken in December (my hat is a clue) but they just jumped in, not even an inkling to consider any little nuance, like my hat!

My son answered them before I had a chance to.

Why is the general consensus not considering the depth of damage that will be caused in mental health? The children who are trapped with an abuser, day in, day out, who will take that into their lives in the future. The partners trapped in an emotionally abusive or violently abusive relationship, the people locked in flats with their loved ones who suffer from dementia, mental health problems, drug addiction. Those who will lose all they have worked for, their livelihood, their homes. Who is giving any thought to those who have no food? Has anyone considered the impact of this lockdown, which will, over the years, kill more people than Covid-19 itself?

As someone recently wrote you have to give people a deadline, something to look forward to. Although it may not exactly appear as promised, it still gives people hope.

The lack of emotional intelligence in this whole sorry saga has been highlighted to me time and again. The herd mentality to only see what we want to see, and attack any who don’t want to be part of the herd has been depressing.

I fear that more than Covid-19. I fear what the world will become.

Rosie

Pulling myself together

07 Tuesday Apr 2020

Posted by in a sense of community, Belief, Change is a coming, mental health, People, The continuing adventure

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How often do we all get caught up in the crap, and not see what is front of us? Right now, at this difficult time in the world I think it’s a good question to ask.

I am currently in a very difficult situation; people feel challenged, and behaviour reflects that, and I am caught up in twenty-four seven, as is the nature of my situation. Add to that not being able to go home, and not being able to see when I can go home, a d I started to get down. So this has been a test for me, where I have had to put into place all that I have learned, philosophically, over the past few years.

I am not going to lie, a week last Wednesday I could have cried.

But I reminded myself to see the positives: Another step closer to Ireland, and to not focus on the negatives. I wrote my journal, put some coping mechanisms into place (namaste) because I knew that the only person who was bringing me down was me! I have the skills to deal with this, and I knew that life was testing me to see exactly what I had learned.

I reminded myself that I could either let things get to me, or not. The only person who could control it was me!

So last night when I was talking to RD and he told me of someone who he had worked for who had taken a turn for the worse with regards to an ongoing illness (other ailments are available); and also of how France is now predicting a recession not seen since the second world war, I felt ashamed for moaning about my situation.

I have spoken often about the difficulties in people finding work in France, and most of those from the UK who work are self-employed, just as RD is, and live hand to mouth, just as we have been. Consequently there is no work for the builders, plumbers, handymen, gardeners, painters and decorators, and so on in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic. What is often a difficult situation anyway is now a thousand times worse.

RD and I already knew how lucky we are that I have this job (and a big shout out to a close friend for helping me) but last night that really kicked in when RD said that someone had put on a Facebook site that they were down to their last two euro fifty, and asked if anyone could help.

We know that feeling, we know how hard it is. The person was not in our part of France or we would have given them some money. We have lots of debt to pay, and catching up to do, but even ten euro would help in a situation like that. Can you imagine not knowing how you will feed those you love?

I know some would think that they may have been conning people, but it was good to see many didn’t, and offered food parcels and help. At this difficult time surely we need to let the cynicism go, and just help in any small way.

More than anything the conversation helped me to focus: I am lucky, as always life sent me what I needed, and I can assure you I am not complaining now. Whatever is difficult for me I will be sucking up and getting in with it.

So now I urge others who are feeling down because of what’s going on, let’s think of all those struggling to eat, feed their children, or their animals, who are stuck in flats, or in an abusive relationship, who have mental health problems, those who are living in fear, lets not lose site of the bigger picture, and help others where we can. To just count our blessings and use that to keep ourselves going.

That’s not to say if you’re feeling low to not have a good bawl, breathe deeply, and get back to it.

My God I know I have.

Namaste

Rosie

Only in France!

05 Sunday Apr 2020

Posted by in a sense of community, Change is a coming, Food in France, laughter & giggles, The continuing adventure

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RD are still apart! The island of Jersey has no boats, or much else, to take us home. The earliest booking you can make is the 1st of May. Given I have been back over since the 19th March, and on day fourteen of twenty-four hour work I can tell you that the 1st of May looks like a looooong way away!

Anyhow a quick little story to wet your appetite for more posts to come. RD went to the local Super U shop yesterday for a few things, mainly for the animals because we have come to realise we spend more money on them than we do ourselves!

Needless to say he had to queue. All the chariots (also known as shopping trolleys) had been taken away and as you got to the doorway and a shopper left a young girl took their chariot, disinfected it, and passed it to the next shopper who had finally reached the door. All duly waited their turn. Then…. lunchtime arrived! The girl went of to lunch without a word, until the disgruntled French in the queue began gesticulating with their arms. At which point she came out, said ‘ I am going to lunch’ and left the French to a free for all for trolleys – disinfected or not!

Covid 19 clearly stops for lunch!

I think that just about sums this whole thing up! I know you couldn’t make it up!

Rosie