The For Sale Board is on the gate, marking the beginning of the end for this adventure.
As I sit here in my garden writing this post, the pool is bubbling away, and it’s currently just over thirty degrees at 7pm in the evening, RD is just doing a little shopping and the Harley Pup is patiently waiting to be splashed.
The bees are buzzing around. butterflies are fluttering by, our garden looks lovely, all ready for the pictures that have been taken to sell this house and take us away from here.
Five years ago I dreamt of what I am doing right now, writing a blog in the sunshine, with a light summer breeze, listening to the pigeons, surrounded by tranquility . This place has healed me.
It seems strange that the For Sale sign is now in place.
We have deliberated long and hard, we know it is the right decision, but on an evening like this evening, it feels a little poignant.
Cherishing the moment.
Rosie
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Seven years ago I took this photograph of the pretty sundial we used as a table at a beautiful gite we were vacating in. I still love this picture today, one of tranquillity and stillness.
At the time I took it I was just about to move from an incredibly stressful job to what I didn’t know at the time would be the job from hell. I didn’t realise just how stressed I actually was at that time, so when I then became ill with stress the following year, to us the obvious place to live in France was the region where this picture had been taken. We made our decisions based on how we felt at that time.
Now, after living in this place for five years the people who ran the gite have moved back to England, in fact many people who we have met along the way have moved back to England.
Over the years we have come to realise that is part of an adventure like this: change, not for ‘change sake’, but because we evolve, and part of evolving means that we move forward to pastures new. At the time we make our decisions they are the right ones at that moment in time, based on how we feel at that moment in time. Just as we did after our fabulous holidays in this region.
When RD and I moved here we were both burnt out, literally. My brain had been addled dealing with high levels of human emotion every day. I needed peace, I needed to step out, I needed tranquility and this place offered us all that; and it healed me. But moving on I am better, despite only realising and accepting recently that I will never go back to the person I once was; and as I write that I wonder why I thought I would, because you can never go back, you can only ever go forward.
So now we are healed we have also learned that we are not ready to retire, and we are not ready to slow down quite this much. Going back to work, and interacting with some of the fabulous people I have met has also shown me that. RD has realised that he misses the interaction with other colleagues, he misses working as part of a team. We miss nightlife, and having the opportunity to interact fully in our community.
Language is a barrier, never believe that it isn’t. Language dictates, to a certain degree, the people who you have to interact with, as opposed to those you want to. I cannot emphasise enough the huge impact not knowing a language will have when you undertake an adventure like this. There is an upside also though: you can (I won’t say will because some never try) learn the fabulous art of improvisation, and the other fabulous art of mime! And the best people we have met during this time have been French people.
So seven years ago, when the picture in this post was taken I was a very different person (not least that I can speak a little French now). I was fighting against my feelings of fear and entrapment. Going on this journey has stopped all of that, I have learned who I was, and who I am, and I know there is a ‘who I am going to be’ somewhere in the future.
More to come.
Rosie
My home in the evening sun
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Nearly five years ago I started this blog. We had lived in France for just three months. I was full of enthusiasm about taking a chance, in fact I started this blog to encourage others. And although I am now going to put things into place to leave France, I still feel that life is an adventure; and for me, or should I say us, staying still and doing the same ‘ol, same ‘ol is not the way forward.
I have often written about my Tree of Tao the huge old fir tree in our garden that has always relaxed and inspired me as it gently swayed in the wind. Recently as we sat under it I found myself looking up through her majestic branches as they went with the flow of the breeze, and felt a little poignancy that we will be leaving this place.
As we tend to do we got chatting about changing direction, and I asked RD if he had ever regretted the move. His resounding answer was no, as was mine; and we both said the same: ‘Because we have learned so much.’
If someone had told my five years ago that it didn’t matter if your roof had blown off, because at some point you would be able to fix it, that you just had to trust that what you needed would come your way at the right time, I would have laughed at them, or thought them mad. We would have got into debt and got the roof fixed. But during our time here we have read and embraced many philosophies of the Tao Te Ching, and not having debt is one of them.
We did not get into debt, we lived with a leaking roof for over three years, and we are still alive, and it got fixed.
In the same vein when our well ran dry two years after arriving we lived without water for eleven days, and again for four days in the winter until we were able to have mains water connected to our house. Yet here we are, still alive, with memories of showering each other with a watering can (not easy when your husband is over six feet and you have to stand on a ladder!) and laughing as we did it. As a result of all of this we don’t waste water, and we don’t fear things going wrong, it doesn’t kill you, but it does make you stronger.
We say to each now, there is no point in stressing over it, what will be will be.
As we sat under that old tree, talking about all the things we have learnt, lessons we can take with us, we laughed about all the things that had happened, because we are stronger because of them. We realised that we are more patient than we ever were before, we don’t have to have everything now, and often say to ourselves ‘Do I really need that?’
The answer is invariably ‘No’.
But more than anything RD and I have learned that we are not ‘doing the driving.’ And we have learned acceptance, even though we often have to remind ourselves of that.
We know that ultimately what is meant to happen will happen and there is no point fighting it. In fact our ‘Faith’ often brings tears to our eyes, because we know that is the biggest gift that has been given to us, and I don’t mean any religion, just ‘faith.’
We have learned that where there is good there is bad, and where there is bad there is good. That life is a balance, you cannot have one without the other. I do believe that attitude of mind can bring you good or bad depending on your mindset.
We have each other, we have lived in this fabulous place, we have seen hares and deer and breath-taking sunrises and awe inspiring sunsets. But to have that we have also had a hurricane, and a tornado, and freezing nights.
We have struggled with money and work, and people, but we have always had each other, and we know that is a gift.
We have had the gift of love from our animals, we were given Wiglet, but we lost our lovely Tillybet. We looked after Sophie the feral cat, and the joy of seeing her change was balanced by the tears when she died. We had twenty years with our green eyed cat Molly, balanced by the heartache when she left us at the beginning of the year. Understanding that balance has helped us so many times. We know we cannot have it all.
During our time here as well as the ‘Tao’, we have read The Alchemist’, and we are still reading the fabulous Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakenings.) It never ceases to amaze us when we open that book at a difficult time that the passage we come to read gives us the answer to our problem.
For me, my most recent learning has been to ‘let go’. Or I thought it was until I realised that I had let go once before, when we sold our beautiful house in the UK and look at what it gave me. This time it was a reminder, let go and you know good things will come.
Rosie
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We have decided that it is time to move forward. When I started to draft this post I did say ‘but not quite out of France yet.’ Now I am not sure if we will stay in France once we have moved from this house or make our way to pastures new.
I wrote last January about the discussion we had about whether to stay or not. Since then we have been reading ‘The Book of Awakenings’ by Mark Nepo, and so much of it has resonated with us. Not least letting go.
I believe we all hold on so tight to things sometimes, just like the monkeys who won’t let go of the rice in the coconut shell that has trapped them. So they die, because the hunters catch them. When all they had to do was let go, uncurl their fist and take their hand out of the coconut trap. ‘Let go of the Rice’ is now quoted at the front of my journal and also my diary.
Once RD and I discussed turning off from this adventure to a new one, once we ‘let go of the rice’ and the fear of failure; once we realised that we were not failures by doing things that the critics would fear to do, the things we needed came our way: more work, more understanding, which led us to also understand that it’s not just the work that is hard out here. It is so many other things beside.
My late dad, God rest his soul, was Irish. Born in Tipperary, called Patrick. As a result I am an Irish citizen. I have my Dad’s birth certificate and I am waiting for my long certificate to arive and I will then apply for my Irish passport. I have no sentimentality for my country, I am sad the turn it has taken over the past few years.
As a result Brexit will not affect me, not sure how it will impact on RD whilst living here, but I do know that once we move to Ireland he will also apply to become an Irish citizen. We are proud to be part of the European community. But that is not why we are moving. There are many reasons, being starved of emotional intelligence is one of them; but also we are not getting any younger, it would be easier to find work, or set up businesses in Ireland, and there is also the language.
Language is not as simple as just learning the words; there are the phrases, and sayings and slang and underlying meaning that all have to be considered. I can speak some French now, can even talk on the phone in some instances, but constantly it is extra pressure that to be honest as I am getting older I don’t need. I have a life to live and constantly translating beauracracy is exhausting and depressing.
We are not getting any younger; and whilst we are only fifty seven this year it may take a couple of years before we move, and if we leave it too late it will be too hard to do any other renovations, or start business. (I think I will be taking all I have learned in my cooking repertoire with me.) So now is the time, we think life has sent us enough messages.
Whilst we are here we will continue to love where we live, dance and sing with our wonderful friends and neighbours, and we will see as much of France as we can. I will forever have fond memories of our wingback chairs in our picture window, it is our favourite place to sit, and we always cherish the here and now.
We have talked a lot about it. We do believe that life shows you the way and where you should go, but right now, based on the here and now, we will be going to Ireland, with it’s beautiful countryside and no need to talk to only English people.
Let’s see what life has to say.
Rosie
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I thought I would share a quick story this Friday (Friday? where the hell did this week go?) something that I hope will make you giggle.
I recently wrote about my aunt who had recently died well my sister sent some photos to me that my aunt had in her keeping; and the above photo is one if them. It is a picture of my sister and I on holiday, probably somewhere like Clacton, or Margate.
I casually passed the photos to RD when he got home from work, he didn’t have his glasses on and I hadn’t really looked at the photos in depth, and he asked ‘is that a real donkey?’ !!!
What made it worse was I said yes!
He the said with incredulity ‘ Well! I’ve never seen a donkey that looks like that!’
I then looked at the photo! I couldn’t breathe for laughing, so much so I had to stand up!
Still giggling today.
Here’s to a good Friday.
Rosie
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I will be writing quite a lot this week, there is a lot to share, and perhaps this is a good place to start.
I have shared the photo of my favourite place to sit because so many people comment on the view from the window, and how beautiful it is.
It is, and for that I am thankful.
Today I shared a fellow bloggers post on this site because it really resonated with me: how we take things for granted, and fail to appreciate even the smallest of things. She has asked people to join her in a ‘being grateful’ challenge, and I have joined it.
I am sitting in my red chair, on a rainy grey afternoon, with H sitting opposite me looking at God knows what crap on his iPad, and I am grateful because one day I will remember this beautiful place where I had the opportunity to sit and write.
I am saying this because we have pretty much come to the decision that we will be leaving this house, and as soon as it is where we think it should be decoration wise, we will be putting it on the market, it will be this year.
We won’t leaving France, for now, but we believe it is time for us to move into a new chapter in our lives. The minibus is off down a new lane, deviating from the plan we have never had!
After Molly our cat died, in the early hours of New Years day, I allowed myself to sit with my pain for the first few weeks. It was something I learned to do a long while ago, but I also knew that life goes on.
The new year here is often the most difficult time (isn’t it everywhere?) with no worked booked, the cold,grey skies, it can drag you under. So after a week or so every morning before I opened my eyes I made myself say thank you: for having a warm bed to sleep in, a house to live in, warmth, my husband sleeping beside me, our son, and his attitude to life, our dogs, who we are so aware are only ‘loaned’ to us, our cats, our ability to reflect and on and on. It pulled me forward, and although I still miss Molly every day, I no longer ‘make’ myself say thank you in the morning I just do it for the benefit it brings.
So one morning a couple of weeks ago, when RD was down, I told him how he needed to see what he had, told him what I had been doing, and how beneficial I had found it; and as I was saying this to him the iPad started to ping, with people enquiring about our services and booking work. Literally as I was telling him. The power of positivity!
So will you join me? Will you share one thing every day (if you can) about what you are grateful for? Or join Eliza on this link ?
Let’s change the world, let’s not talk about mental health, let’s do it.
Rosie
I will be blogging again today, there is someone I need to say goodbye to.
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I have been really busy since New Year helping H with a job. It’s coming to an end now, so now I have some time off.
My blogs have suffered, as has my social media interaction, but that will all be boosted again now.
My book seems to be doing pretty well, in fact it was positioned at 185,00 on Amazon best sellers rank on and off over the past month. Given how many books they sell I am taking that as a good thing; add to that the three 5 star ratings I have received this month and I am hopeful.
But I cannot sit on my laurels, promotion is the key so to add to my Twitter, Facebook (as Rosie Joseph) my Facebook page ”Making This Better’, and my Facebook Group ‘Making This Better’, I now have an Instagram page of the same name with followers going up each day. So after working with H all day I have been coming home and interacting with others all over the world.
I always knew, all those years ago, that my story would help others, our story would help others. What happened to us changed our lives, and I know some people will find it hard to believe, but for the better. If it hadn’t happened then I would not be sitting in my cold winters garden in France writing this blog.
But more than anything it is the wonderful messages that I get from people from all over the globe saying how my book has helped them; how they find themselves reading it and nodding and saying to themselves ‘that’s me.’
But you see I give them hope, because I am here now helping others, I am proof that you can come out the other side. Every message I get brings tears to my eyes, because I was there once, and I know their pain, and the messages are so wonderful, and grateful. The reviews on Amazon say it all really.
What has that got to do with this adventure? Everything. If we had not come here I would have been so caught up in the ‘rat race’ that I would probably never had time to write my book; and If I had, it may have had a less open perspective, given the crap I was putting up with in England.
In addition it shows that trust can grow, because RD and I had to trust each other to take on this adventure, and we had to work as a team to do it. As a result I know that we are changing other people’s lives, from what they tell me. We are giving them hope.
That’s got to be a good thing hasn’t it?
Rosie.
You can read our other story by clicking on the link at the top of the page.
Making This Better the book is now available including the journal entries for the first 5 years of our recovery & the whole 21 days of ‘The War’. Available internationally in paperback and ebook at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad and Waterstones Bookstores for click & collect
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Inspired by my fellow blogger and cyber friend Kat I have included this picture. It pretty much sums up how we feel right now: incredibly sad.
There is a pervading air of sadness in our house since Molly died, she was here so long. This picture of the weeping willow weeping into the lake, all of which has been painted by the Hoar Frost, reminds me of a time of silence, and is pertinent to how we feel. Right now we need silence and solitude, just with each other and our remaining pets, who are also showing signs of grief.
But it is also pertinent because the Hoar Frost eventually thawed, and the willow came back to life in the spring; as we will too, once we have processed and sat with our pain. I know this.
I have been reading blogs today, and I was inspired by one to write a letter to myself about what I hope this year will hold, and what I hope for, and where I hope to be by the end of the year. For me that will be a good exercise because (as with all endings) I have been reminded (again) that life is short and to seize the moment. But I also know that what we think we want is not necessarily what we need.
It was not just a New Year, it is a new decade, and R/D and I had already decided to reflect on where we were ten years ago, and all the things that happened to us in our life. Not least moving here, and falling in love with Welsh Terriers. It is a poignant reminder that at the end of this decade they will not be here with us, another reminder to cherish every moment.
We will also reflect on what we have achieved, what we thought we wanted back then, and see how much of what we thought we needed we didn’t need at all. I will share some of that on here.
So today I am going to take the Christmas decorations down, it’s time to move into something new, and I am going to open my new journal (how apt that the other one ran out just as the new decade came into being!) and do my form of meditation. But not before I found out my journal from ten years ago and read what I wrote then.
Mellow New Year
Rosie
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These are two of our cats (we only have three left now!) Molly, the cat ‘doing the washing’, and Daisy, the cat being washed. I took this photo yesterday as I sat at our window in our wingback chairs blogging.
I am cherishing the moment. You see Molly is nearly twenty years old, and we know that the time is coming that she will leave us. In the past two weeks alone I have shed tears for her. As her condition deteriorates I have thought I would wake up and she would be gone. But every morning when we come downstairs she has rallied, and gives a loud miaow.
On Saturday she took a turn for the worse, and wouldn’t eat. We always said that when she wouldn’t eat it was time, all day she just lay in front of the fire. So we topped it up with logs before we went to bed, just to make sure she was warm.
RD got up on Sunday morning (our ‘have our tea in bed day’) because he didn’t want me to find her; but when he came down she was up, perky, and shouting; she ate a bowl of food and had two plates of milk and cream! (She can have what she wants now, in her limited time).
But I know, after holding her close on Tuesday when she deteriorated again that our days left together are few.
Twenty years is a long time.
Rosie
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I have shared on this blog that the year before we came out here I stood on the precipice of having a full breakdown, and I did have a mini one. I have written about how I can be driven, which in some ways is a good thing and essential, (more of that in another post) and yes, being that type of person is a blessing. But it can also be a curse, when insecurity creeps in through the crack in the open door.
Without my strong personality my book would not be out there, and my Blog would not have been so successful, but more than that so many people would not have found something to give them hope in their hour of need.
But despite that I also remember my counsellors words well when she told me I was a ‘doer’, and that if I didn’t learn to utilise, but control, that part of my personality it could actually destroy me.
Living here has been hard in that I now have arthritis and work is limited for me; because I cannot do the things I used to do; and you see for someone like me to not be able to have something to focus on means that I feel as if I have lost myself. I have always needed something to define me: in the UK it was my career, which virtually destroyed me, but coming here and trying to find something else proved difficult.
But last year life shook me up and showed me the way: I started the Other blog and it took off. I always knew that sharing our story would help others, and now I know it has. As I have written in previous posts it jolted me back to being me, it gave me impetus, and all the things I have worked on: H’s website for the business, the Facebook page, and the business itself, which is doing better than it ever has, was as a result of me finding my impetus again; or as I have said: being driven. The blog reached 96,000 views in a year and I was in control of what I was doing: which is something I love.
But once the book was published the control was taken away from me to a degree. Yes I could promote it, increase my media presence, but I would never actually know any stats for how well the book was doing until the royalty cheque fell on the mat; and that for me was a problem. It was what was keeping me awake at the beginning of the week; I had to relinquish some of the control, and I had to trust the fact that someone else was now doing the driving. I knew it, I knew it was going to be the case but my brain remained active and kept me awake because I couldn’t control it.
I still keep a journal, as I have written on the other blog my journal was at one point the book that saved my life, but I don’t write in it often now, the two blogs tend to work for me. But as I have said they are still not the same as keeping a journal, which is a place where you don’t worry about your audience, because your audience is you, and so you have to be honest.
After my last post I knew that I had to write my journal, that was the key to sleeping. So I did: I had a frank conversation with myself: that the blog had and still is, doing so well why would the book fail? I reminded myself of all the comments I have received from all over the world:
‘Thanks for your amazing insight it helps me to understand how to stay strong through all of this.’
‘This! I need to read this today!’
‘When I am having a hard day sometimes I go back to Rosie’s blog, and it helps me get my demon under control.’
I told myself that I need to have a little more belief in myself, and I was honest with myself that at times I doubt myself and I questioned why. I wrote about the power of belief, but despite that when things are out of our control our belief begins to falter, and the strength is in pulling ourselves back up, and holding on.
On Wednesday night I slept soundly. I have always wanted to be able to meditate, but have struggled. So when I recently read a post from the Fabulous Biscuit factory blog I realised that writing my journal is a form of meditation for me. I put my pen to paper and I just write, and then I read what I have written and my mind is clear.
So in knowing that life shows us the way yesterday I found my book for sale in Waterstones, and stocked in Gardners. I knew that meant that the book was doing well, and it helped me a great deal, I also knew that life was telling me to hold on to my belief which was confirmed when we met a new client with the business last night: they work in the book world and when I said that the book is stocked in Gardners they advised that before that could have happened Gardners would have done their homework: they only stock books that they think will sell!
So I will do all the hard work I need to and support and promote my book, (of course I will) but I will give myself a timeframe every day, and some days I will step back from it. After all someone else is doing the driving! I know that!
Rosie
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