Category Archives: Reflections

Considerations

05 Sunday Jan 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, For the live of dogs, Learning and Evolving, mental health, My family and other furry creatures, Reflections, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, Us

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Inspired by my fellow blogger and cyber friend Kat I have included this picture. It pretty much sums up how we feel right now: incredibly sad.

There is a pervading air of sadness in our house since Molly died, she was here so long. This picture of the weeping willow weeping into the lake, all of which has been painted by the Hoar Frost, reminds me of a time of silence, and is pertinent to how we feel. Right now we need silence and solitude, just with each other and our remaining pets, who are also showing signs of grief.

But it is also pertinent because the Hoar Frost eventually thawed, and the willow came back to life in the spring; as we will too, once we have processed and sat with our pain. I know this.

I have been reading blogs today, and I was inspired by one to write a letter to myself about what I hope this year will hold, and what I hope for, and where I hope to be by the end of the year. For me that will be a good exercise because (as with all endings) I have been reminded (again) that life is short and to seize the moment. But I also know that what we think we want is not necessarily what we need.

It was not just a New Year, it is a new decade, and R/D and I had already decided to reflect on where we were ten years ago, and all the things that happened to us in our life. Not least moving here, and falling in love with Welsh Terriers. It is a poignant reminder that at the end of this decade they will not be here with us, another reminder to cherish every moment.

We will also reflect on what we have achieved, what we thought we wanted back then, and see how much of what we thought we needed we didn’t need at all. I will share some of that on here.

So today I am going to take the Christmas decorations down, it’s time to move into something new, and I am going to open my new journal (how apt that the other one ran out just as the new decade came into being!) and do my form of meditation. But not before I found out my journal from ten years ago and read what I wrote then.

Mellow New Year

Rosie

For Auld Lang Syne

31 Tuesday Dec 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, Dream, For the live of dogs, Friends, Learning and Evolving, Making our own way, My family and other furry creatures, Reflections, Simple things, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The seasons

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This is a song that has always made me tear up when I sing it, but I had no idea what the words meant!

Auld Lang Syne literally translated means old long since, or days gone by. Being an empath the poignancy is not lost on me: the days that have gone, those that we have loved and lost, bringing in the New Year remembering them, but looking to the future.

I sat in my sunny garden yesterday, in the crisp cold air, and wrote my journal for the first time in a long time, and in it I wrote…

‘Dylan, and Oscar, and Sophie died this year. Sometimes our garden seems full of memories, of the ghosts of all the animals who were running around in it. Let us not forget  Tilly Kitten   who was also here then.

Then there were the chickens, the last girly died this year and Claudy the Cockerel was found a new home and a new girlfriend. Our garden became very quiet when they left, no more clucking, no more barking from Wiglet.

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But life reminds us constantly that change is the only constant, and all we can do is evolve with it; carry our sadness for those who loved us, and who we loved but now we can no longer see or talk to. I have a strong feeling that there is a contingent here of animals passed, all waiting for Molly, whose time is imminent. She sits on my lap now, whenever possible, and I treasure every moment. Here she is, on my lap, early this morning.
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For me the ending of the year and the ringing in of the New is a time for reflection, I don’t anticipate, as I know that life is doing the driving. I don’t look to the New Year believing it will bring me untold joy, happiness and wealth; I just know that it will bring me what I need (even if I don’t realise it at the time).

Last year we started the New Year not knowing if this was still the life for us. We believed that life would show us the way     and it did: we went forward with our own business and used all we had learnt in our careers, and it has been the best year yet, where work has been concerned.  We are still broke but we are the ones in charge of our lives p, and for the first time ever since living here we go into the New Year with some work. Where emotions are concerned we have learnt a lot this year, mainly remembered the people that we really are, we had lost them somewhere along the way, their back now.

I wrote how I finally came back to being me; and as a result my other blog has reached over 110,000 views in just over a year. This blog has more followers and views than ever before and I got my book published. The response from people all over the world has been so encouraging and I haven’t really started to fully promote it yet. So all good. I have met some wonderful people via cyber-space, who have truly inspired me at times.

But we don’t hold on too tight any more. That is the lesson we learnt this year: don’t hold on to something so tight you stop other things coming to you, or you stay stuck. A lesson from the Tao but also a fantastic lesson in Mark Nepo’s book of awakening:

To catch monkeys holes would be cut in coconuts just big enough for a monkey to get his hand through, then the coconut would be filled with rice to entice the monkey. The hungry monkey would come along and put his hand in the coconut, but of course once his hand was made into a fist to hold the rice he could not get it back out of the coconut. The monkey would be so caught up in the food in the coconut he would not let go of the rice, and forget that other food would come along; and the monkey’s who would not let go, were the monkey’s who were caught. All this year RD and I have used the analogy to ‘not hold on too tight’ and today we read this particular chapter for the first time, and smiled.  It’s been our lesson and life has confirmed that to us as the year closes.

It has been a productive year, it has been a happy year, and it has been a sad year because of the beautiful animals who have left us. So at the end of the year I want to pay homage to those who left my life (and the lives of others, leaving them bereft).

In January I wrote how a friend had helped me make my decisiton to stay and try for longer. He was someone I had known for over fourty years. We were not constantly in touch, had lost touch at times, but he was always a kind man, who truly cared. When he died suddenly in March after a short illness I was shocked, and his words rang in my ears: about how lucky I was to live here in the peace and quiet, about how anywhere has it downsides. Of course it does, he was right, and I think about him often, I will be raising my glass tonight to Rod Claricoats, I have no doubt he will be toasting the New Year with my mum.

 

 

Sophie Loafy. Sophie died suddenly in July we took her in for four years she had a difficult life but for the last years of her life  she was loved, more than ever before. RD still misses her riding on his shoulder as works in the garden.

 

 

Osky Bosky as I loved to call him. His name was Oscar and he was a loved and faithful companion to a very dear friend of ours. A big cuddly apricot  toy poodle, who was always allowed his coat as nature intended. Oscar was diagnosed with cancer at a time that his dad was told a dear friend was also dying. I believe that dog held on to give his loved owner time to grieve before he had to leave him also. Whenever they visited or met us for walks (Oscar got on well with all the Welshies) he would be so genuinely pleased to see you. Smiling with his apricot lips, and looking so cute with that apricot nose. It always seems strange when his dad visits now, and Oscar is not with him. I picture him bounding round the garden with Dilly Dyls, smiling, as he always did. A truly beautiful boy.

Dyly Dyls, the little Welshie who was taken too soon. She blew in like a whilrwind, a little tornado running like the wind in our garden with her ears flapping. She went on a new adventure but sadly died soon after. Even now I cannot believe she has gone, and it still brings tears to my eyes. She was so loved, and has left a gaping hole in her mum’s heart.

And Molly? She is still here but it really is her last days, and we carry her and give her cat soup, and just cuddle her. I will cry, but I know it is time.

So add to that my mum and dad, and there is a wonderful New Years party going on up there, with all the animals we have loved and lost ruuning around young and free.

We have learnt that there has to be a balance, in everything, Good and bad, life and death, our love for animals reminds of that.

A mellow New Year, not Happy because there will be sadness as well as happiness. I believe that a mellow New Year filled with kindness, even if it is only you remembering to be kind, will be the best New Year. Just remember don’t hold on too tight.

Rosie

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I’ve changed: Christmas

24 Tuesday Dec 2019

Posted by in Learning and Evolving, People, Reflections, Simple things, The continuing adventure

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I wrote in a recent Post that Christmas has now changed for me, of how I used to love Christmas but now, not so much.

Years ago I used to be one of the leaders in joining in all things festive, and the hysteria that entails (in England for sure); but now I see Christmas as a poignant time of year, where there are so many people who are struggling, and do not feel the ‘festive spirit’.

From early in October the shops are stocking Christmas items, the adverts start to appear on the television, all of them are happy adverts, imply that everyone is happy, should be happy, will somehow be odd if they are not. How can you not be happy at Christmas right? All people are happy, the families are happy, you have to have matching pyjamas, a new dining table and sofa, games consoles, and even Kevin The Carrot from the Aldi supermarket campaign, over which people have been fighting in the car park because the toys were in short supply. How festive!

But now I look at things differently when I watch those ads; I find myself thinking of the people who will get into debt to buy their children presents and I shudder. I know some some people will hate this post but I think it needs to be considered: I think of all the people who are alone at Christmas, like the old man in the advert for ‘Help The Aged’s Ribbon campaign, and I think of the constant ramming of ‘Happy Christmas’ down our throats which just compounds peoples sadness and sorrow. I find it all so insensitive at times.

Then there is the expectation of ‘happy families’ followed by the disappointment and despair when everyone argues, and it doesn’t fulfil the ‘image’ of what people expect. In fact today, listening to the radio, I heard a cleric say how he refers to Christmas as ‘The Season of Disappointment’. I get that.

I said to RD recently that if I lived inEngland now I would spend Christmas providing Christmas dinner to the homeless. I would not fill our fridge with food that would be thrown away in January: the copious amounts of cheese, the trifle, the huge bloody turkey. I would not buy turkey and beef, and pork, all left after boxing day with nobody to eat it. These are lessons I have learned since living here, and these are lessons I am grateful for.

My last post was about now my son turned up here in France completely unexpectedly, even now the thought of the moment of when he walked in our gate and I looked out of the window and saw him standing there still makes my eyes fill with tears. He has gone now, more of that in another post, but that was the best gift I could be given, time, and memories, and knowing he loves me so much he wanted to give me that surprise.

I am blessed, but I say a prayer for those who are alone, exiled from those they love, for whose who have lost loved ones, the people who have nowhere to live, and the list sadly goes on and on. We have been without water, I now respect that commodity because to not be able to even wash your hands in running water is something few of us understand. Trust me when I say a hot shower is a blessing.

We will have a very simple Christmas, and we will be thankful.

So as you celebrate Christmas please say a prayer for those less fortunate, and count all the blessings that you take for granted every day.

I wish you all a mellow, satisfying Christmas.

Rosie.

cathedral in Domfront France

French Winter Gardens and Welshies

04 Wednesday Dec 2019

Posted by in For the live of dogs, mental health, My home, Reflections, Simple things, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The seasons

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Winter arrived quickly, and for the past few mornings we have woken to frosts and temperatures below freezing, which means we are lucky enough to watch the amazing sunrises every morning.

We are up early for work, RD goes off and my day is full of the chores you have when living in an old stone house, in the middle of rural France, on a limited budget: the good old log splitting, hoovering, mopping, cleaning the kitchen, and today removing the mould that I occasionally grows on our old stone walls (I side). It’s just part of this life we chose, I don’t stress over it any more.

I have often said how winters can be long, and that we should all try and embrace this season. Today I took my advice. It is a cold, crisp, sunny winters day, and I am currently sitting in the garden on one of our garden chairs drinking tea; spending time with nature and my dogs.

I was pushing the wheelbarrow of logs across the garden, with the habit I fight every day taking pride of place: planning what I should do next, when I looked around and thought ‘what am I doing?’ I realised I should seize the moment on this glorious winters day, and take time to sit in the garden with my tea and spend time with my puppies, they remind me very day to cherish each moment.

Even Daisy the cat is giving me stinkeye because she wanted to come out and join us!

She looks like a Bond villain!

I don’t know how long I will live in this beautiful place, so I need to embrace it whilst I can, in every season.

As is my want, being brought up by people who worked hard to fill every day with work, to always keep going. As my counsellor said: I am a ‘doer’ I just will work and set myself what are often un-achievable targets, I don’t feel I have achieved if I don’t and often I don’t feel I have because the targets are un-achievable. Those ingrained habits are hard to break! Despite knowing that we should all take time; despite writing in my diary at the beginning of the year a quote from Deepak Chopra:

‘ set aside a little time every once in a while to experience silence…’

I still have to pull myself up short to do it. I probably achieve it once a month!

But today I have taken the time but sadly my teas is now finished, and the sun is now hazy, my fingers are cold and it is time to get on. Now where are my rubber gloves?

Rosie

The Renovation Continues: All the little details

01 Sunday Dec 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, Dream, Learning and Evolving, My home, Reflections, renovations, The continuing adventure

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I love things that sparkle, I must have been a magpie in another life. I love the subtle lighting and ambience it brings.

I have been told often that I have an eye for detail, so we are now taking this forward in our business and offering a staging service, although I fear it will be lost out here! Hey ho!

But this post is about our bedroom: We love it!

Many moons ago I wrote about when we were packing up to leave our old Edwardian house. I wrote about how much I loved that house, I had put my heart and soul into it. But after ‘The War’ it was never the same for RD, and now, after living here for nearly five years I can understand why.

We had so many pretty things in that house, but a lot of things got damaged, and broken, and looking back now I think that was life’s way of telling me to make something new. But I didn’t listen (as we so often don’t) and when we got here we tried to recreate our old home.

Now I have realised that this is new, make it new. I have never opted for mostly all white deco, but now we have, from the white deliberately shabby floor, to the three white walls and the white painted furniture.

The little sparkly stars have been had made by us, the lantern at the beginning of the post was something from two summers ago, which has now evolved into a blue sparkling light. When I wake in the morning this is what I see…

The bliss was something we bought for our first home together, and, despite everything, it has remained with us, sporting various colours along the way. But now it has been embellished to sparkle in the lamplight. My life with RD has always been bliss, and it will be no matter where we live in the future.

I love to sit on our bed and write, and when RD came into our room the other night he said ‘I love this room.’ With its vintage French mirrors, and lampshades, the French vintage glass bowls, and its renovated, recycled furniture So do I …

Our view has changed, we now look out over the valley! In fact RD sleeps by the window, and I no longer look out on my tree of Tao, but is still there, when I need it.

Counting my blessings, and enjoying the here and now.

Rosie

I look at things differently now. It’s an ever evolving world.

01 Sunday Dec 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, For the live of dogs, Learning and Evolving, Making our own way, My home, Reflections, Simple things, sunrises and sunsets, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure

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As I wheeled the wheelbarrow across the garden, full of logs to keep us warm this week, in howling winds and driving rain with two mad Welshies running at my feet, I remembered last year and how different I felt then. I can remember RD and I being in the garden, cutting wood to use that winter and begrudging, in some ways, that we had to do it.

When we came here we were both ready to embrace the rustic lifestyle, we both knew we would be cold, with only a log burner and some expensive electric heaters to heat our house. We both knew that living in a stone house would be chilly. But I think we were both looking at the challenge with optimism, and that neither of us really understood how difficult it would be to adjust to a new way of life: a life with no heating at the click of a switch, a life where you had to put the work in to stay warm. In fact in January we considered whether to stay or leave this life we had chosen, for many reasons.

Fast forward now to this year, and as I wheeled the logs across the garden, buffeted by the wind, I smiled to myself because I now respect the fact that I have to put in the effort for what I need. I no longer take heating for granted, I no longer take what this beautiful planet offers me for granted; and because I have to put in the effort I don’t waste what we have. In this world of climate change (living in a rural setting it has become so noticeable) that has to be a good thing.

As always we are open to change, I believe you have to be in life; and one of our biggest lessons has been to not hold on too tight. But next time we will take all we have learned from this adventure on to the next chapter. When that happens….life will show us the way.

Rosie

Inky blue skies, and howling winds, counting my blessings.

26 Tuesday Nov 2019

Posted by in Learning and Evolving, mental health, My home, Reflections, The continuing adventure

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I am sitting here in one of our wingback chairs, and this is the view from our window. We woke up this morning to howling winds and rain; although the rain is pretty much the norm now, as it has rained every day for the past month!

It is 8.30 but the sky is literally a dark inky blue. The wind is whipping up a frenzy around our little house on the hill, our shutters are rattling, the trees are bending in the wind and I can feel a draft blowing up from the cellar. I am drinking tea, Daisy the cat is snoring and I have two sleeping Welshies around me.

I am braving myself because today I have to split logs. We ordered some as a top up, or stop gap, so that on days like today we didn’t have to chop and split our huge amount of wood available from our very own garden. But there was a problem with the wood and the delivery was cancelled!

With RD at work, decorating our bedroom, Felling cherry trees and cleaning out the cellar, which is finally dry now the cess is working properly, poor RD feels overwhelmed. So we still haven’t had time to cut up the huge branches from the oak, that are buried under the bramble in our garden now! That will be a job for after Christmas when RD has two weeks off. But when the cess was repaired the huge pine tree that was cut down nearly two years ago was pulled out of the ditch by the samaritan Marc (I think that will be his name now) and was laying in the front of our garden. It had seasoned all on its own in the ditch. So RD got to it last weekend and cut it up. Some of it is too big to be split, it has to be chopped, but we have smaller logs and some oak left from what had been chopped. I need to split them for us to use this week, or we will have no fire!

Imagine me today, welligogs on, fighting my way across the from the goats shed (no we have no goats they used ro live there before we moved in) through the now sodden quagmire that is our garden (and we live on a hill!) with a wheelbarrow full of logs buffeted by the wind!

Would I have it any other way? No I wouldn’t!

I am blessed.

Rosie

A sense of community: Torrents

19 Tuesday Nov 2019

Posted by in a sense of community, Reflections, The continuing adventure, The seasons

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I have shared in the last year how rivers have burst their banks here, and people have been flooded, not least when Rich got stuck at a job.

The winters have been warmer than we first arrived, who can forget theHoarfrost one winter and the freeze when our gas froze?

But generally the winters have been warmer but incredibly wet. We can deny global warming as much as we want, but it clearly here, with increasingly wet, torrential weather in autumn and the winter and droughts in the summer.

This year the forecast for our region is for a wet winter. Over the past couple of years rivers have burst their banks on occasions and last year the Mayenne river was drained and dredged. This year they are taking it further:

Throughout this region of France, and in most regions, there are ditches that run alongside the roads. I wrote only recently of how our ditch was blocked and caused problems with our cess. Well last week up pulled a digger and dumper truck, and each and every ditch along our road was cleared out, including ours which was a result!

When I asked Marc our neighbour he said it was the commune who had arranged for all of the ditches to be dug out, and pipes fitted under the road to take any excess water down to the river. Our ditch is now clear and RD has breathed a sigh of relief because clearing that out would have been hard work.

The commune are preparing because they know that the long term forecasts are for heavy rain, even over the past few weeks we have had torrential rain, with three inches of rain in just one night! Add that the long heavy showers we have had for most of the days in the last few weeks, and our ditch was over a quarter full. But as you can see it is now virtually empty again. Drainage systems work!

But it is not just here work has been carried out in the other surrounding small towns and villages to ensure that contingencies are in place.

It frustrates me when I watch on TV the awful situation that the people of Yorkshire find themselves in due to recent rainstorms in England; with the government refusing to call it a state of emergency. Yes there is community in that people help each other, but where is the sense of community where those who are meant to support the people are concerned? Why did they not look at long term forecasts? When was the last time the rivers were dredged, or the drains cleared out, or ditches dug? Where is the sense of community to the community? This is not aimed at one political party, because this has been something that has been going on for so long. Too long! And it makes me so frustrated.

Since living here I have realised just how much RD and I had lost our sense of community, and I am glad for the lesson I have learnt since living here.

Wherever we end up in the future, it will need to be somewhere with a sense of community.

Rosie

This poignant time

03 Sunday Nov 2019

Posted by in For the live of dogs, Reflections, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly., The seasons

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Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I’ll hear old winter’s song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I love Autumn, for its colours, for what it symbolises: letting go; and because it never fails to remind me that everything must change. That yearly reminder that things must die to make room for the new. It has that constant air of poignancy for what was, for the time that has past and for the things we have lost.

But this year it has been particularly poignant. We both adore our dogs, we believe that dogs teach you about unconditional love, and we are both members of some social media sites that celebrate the Welshie breed, with their smiling faces, and love of cuddles, and wickedly stubborn temperament.

I recently wrote about the tragic death of Dylan the Welshie puppy who was counted as part of our family, but since her death two other young pups have died in tragic circumstances, one was drowned by a goose, and the other, just fourteen months old, was hit by a car. As I write this now my eyes brim with tears for the loss, and for the pain that all those left behind feel. So this year when I look out on the grey rainy days that we have here, and the leaves and walnuts falling from the trees, I am reminded, yet again, that where there is life there is death; there can be no life without it.

“the longest-lived and those who die soonest lose the same thing. The present. The present is all that they can give up since that is all you have and what you do not have, you cannot lose.”

Marcus Aurelius

Treasure every moment, treasure every sunbeam, every raindrop, every rainy day. Hold those close to you tight.

Rosie

Autumn leaves written by Songwriters: Giorgio Canali / Francesco Magnelli / Gianni Maroccolo / Massimo Zamboni / Giovanni Lindo Ferretti

Understanding yourself: Me

04 Friday Oct 2019

Posted by in Dream, Reflections, The continuing adventure, Us

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I have shared on this blog that the year before we came out here I stood on the precipice of having a full breakdown, and I did have a mini one. I have written about how I can be driven, which in some ways is a good thing and essential, (more of that in another post) and yes, being that type of person is a blessing. But it can also be a curse, when insecurity creeps in through the crack in the open door.

Without my strong personality my book would not be out there, and my Blog would not have been so successful, but more than that so many people would not have found something to give them hope in their hour of need.

But despite that I also remember my counsellors words well when she told me I was a ‘doer’, and that if I didn’t learn to utilise, but control, that part of my personality it could actually destroy me.

Living here has been hard in that I now have arthritis and work is limited for me; because I cannot do the things I used to do; and you see for someone like me to not be able to have something to focus on means that I feel as if I have lost myself. I have always needed something to define me: in the UK it was my career, which virtually destroyed me, but coming here and trying to find something else proved difficult.

But last year life shook me up and showed me the way: I started the Other blog and it took off. I always knew that sharing our story would help others, and now I know it has. As I have written in previous posts it jolted me back to being me, it gave me impetus, and all the things I have worked on: H’s website for the business, the Facebook page, and the business itself, which is doing better than it ever has, was as a result of me finding my impetus again; or as I have said: being driven. The blog reached 96,000 views in a year and I was in control of what I was doing: which is something I love.

But once the book was published the control was taken away from me to a degree. Yes I could promote it, increase my media presence, but I would never actually know any stats for how well the book was doing until the royalty cheque fell on the mat; and that for me was a problem. It was what was keeping me awake at the beginning of the week; I had to relinquish some of the control, and I had to trust the fact that someone else was now doing the driving. I knew it, I knew it was going to be the case but my brain remained active and kept me awake because I couldn’t control it.

I still keep a journal, as I have written on the other blog my journal was at one point the book that saved my life, but I don’t write in it often now, the two blogs tend to work for me. But as I have said they are still not the same as keeping a journal, which is a place where you don’t worry about your audience, because your audience is you, and so you have to be honest.

After my last post I knew that I had to write my journal, that was the key to sleeping. So I did: I had a frank conversation with myself: that the blog had and still is, doing so well why would the book fail? I reminded myself of all the comments I have received from all over the world:

‘Thanks for your amazing insight it helps me to understand how to stay strong through all of this.’

‘This! I need to read this today!’

‘When I am having a hard day sometimes I go back to Rosie’s blog, and it helps me get my demon under control.’

I told myself that I need to have a little more belief in myself, and I was honest with myself that at times I doubt myself and I questioned why. I wrote about the power of belief, but despite that when things are out of our control our belief begins to falter, and the strength is in pulling ourselves back up, and holding on.

On Wednesday night I slept soundly. I have always wanted to be able to meditate, but have struggled. So when I recently read a post from the Fabulous Biscuit factory blog I realised that writing my journal is a form of meditation for me. I put my pen to paper and I just write, and then I read what I have written and my mind is clear.

So in knowing that life shows us the way yesterday I found my book for sale in Waterstones, and stocked in Gardners. I knew that meant that the book was doing well, and it helped me a great deal, I also knew that life was telling me to hold on to my belief which was confirmed when we met a new client with the business last night: they work in the book world and when I said that the book is stocked in Gardners they advised that before that could have happened Gardners would have done their homework: they only stock books that they think will sell!

So I will do all the hard work I need to and support and promote my book, (of course I will) but I will give myself a timeframe every day, and some days I will step back from it. After all someone else is doing the driving! I know that!

Rosie