When I started this blog the aim of it was to help those who were questioning their lives and where they were going to, perhaps, make a drastic change, or to listen to what life was saying and question where they were going. I have always been honest and told you about our adventure warts and all, and also about what drove us to make that change and live the life we are now living in France. (For those new to my blog please look at the posts under the reflections tab.)

So I have been promising this post for some time it is my theory on life, and how I look at my life now and choose to live it.

As we all know whether people like it or not we are on a journey (I am sick of all that crap about the J word, or that people shouldn’t be saying they are on a  road, you ARE on a road between being born and dying, and what type of journey you choose to take will depend on how you look at what life really is.!!)

So..Picking up on the fact that we are on a journey I have come to think of my life as a mini bus, it has 14 seats and as I go along the road I need to decide who (really who if I only have 14 seats) would I have on my mini bus who will influence my life, the decisions I make and the life I choose to live; and, most importantly for me,that they are people that do not judge me!

For those readers in far flung countries who don’t  know what a mini bus is it is a van with 14 seats, some at the front where you get on, and then rows of two seats with some at the back double doors for an emergency exit.

Your mini bus of life meanders along the road of life with many stops. At some people will get off because their adventure, or life, is going in a different direction to yours. They are not bad people they just need to go down their own road, and the road of life is not a straight road with no avenues or lanes along the way, there are many. Now  this is where people don’t get it, they get upset when those people get off, get offended, try to keep them with them, keep them happy, when in fact if they really looked they have been going in a different direction for a long time and some of those people have not been making them happy, for some time!  But when people get off a persons mini bus of life the person gets afraid and starts to question what they, themselves, are doing, think that it must be something about them, when it isn’t! Let go people because, believe me, someone else is doing the driving!

With regard to this I always stop and evaluate who is on my mini bus now, (sometimes I have considered having a very small trailer on the back!) but I have resisted temptation because you cannot keep everyone happy all the time, and, in all honesty, you will drive yourself nuts if you try. You need to look at the people on the mini bus and if they are right for you at this time of your life, if they are not  then drop them off at a stop; you never know you may let them back on at a later stage in life when both you and they have grown as people and learnt from what life has shown them.

I know from things that have happened to me over the years, and as I have got older over the past few years in particular, that over time I have let the wrong people influence my life; I had a great big red bus full of people that did not give a crap about me, and only had their own agenda. People who wanted to tell me how to live my life, and even who to live my life with! When I was younger I let them do this, I listened because I wanted to keep them happy, but now I realise that no-one has the right to tell anyone how to live, seriously, it is their life. So needles to say I don’t have people like that on my mini bus.

In addition since moving here some people have never contacted us again, and I realise that our decision to have an adventure possibly touched a nerve with them because they live each year as they lived the last; go on holiday at the same time, to the same place, with the same people, and if you choose to take an adventure such as ours then you need to understand that those people will get off your mini bus, because you frighten them because they want to stay “safe”. In these instances is for the best that they choose to disembark.

The people who mean the most to me have seats at towards the front, the people who influence my life and care about me have seats in the middle and those who are starting to get on my tits have seats at the back double doors so that if I need to I can pull the handle and let them fall out the back onto the road (and sometimes the oncoming traffic!!)

In addition I always leave four seats empty, why would you fill your mini bus full when you do not know what life will show you, and who life will send your way? It is very true that you have to let go of the old to make room for the new! You also have to leave room for people who come back into your life, for me others have got back in touch, some over fourty years later (Trish), who is has a firm seat on my mini bus; others, my dear friend Russell have not only got back in touch but have seat at the front of the mini bus. When he sent me music to listen to that had not been released when we had lost touch, It was clear that  he still knew what I would love, knew over the 18 years that we lost contact that I would love Mary J, David Gray, and so many more. I have written of the music he sent me before because it truly made me realise that we have always been friends, he just had to get off my mini bus for a while. I look at it that he got off at stop number 18 and got back on at stop number 36 (18 years later!) Also another dear friend who has recently become close again after many years, because life points you in the direction of the people you have to let on your bus, and this time I have got on her mini bus.

I know that some friends who I love very much have dropped me off at a stop because I am on a road in France now, and I get that, it is not because they do not love me, or still care for me, it is just that right now they do not have room for me on their mini bus because they are letting others on instead. I understand.

The point I am making folks is do you have a bloody great red London bus full of people? Do you think that having lots of friends and people around you makes you happy? Do those people affect the way you live your life? Are you going out to places when you don’t really want to? Doing jobs for them when you don’t want to? Spending money that you don’t have because you feel that you should be able to match up to them? Staying where you are to make them happy? WHY?

Really folks, look at your mini bus of life now and ask yourself who really matters to have a seat? Keep you mind open to letting others back on when necessary. But remember you only have 14 seats!!!

Something to think about.

 

Moisy

 

For those who have read ‘About Moisy Swindell’, or ‘Why I am not a Sheeple’ (both posts available to read) you will know some of the background as to why we decided to leave our life in the UK and go on this adventure. Sick of being on the hamster wheel of life, working really hard but always seemed to be struggling from one day to the next. I have also touched on the fact that my career eventually made me ill.

This post is for some people that I know out there who are looking at their lives at the moment and struggling, mentally, with the life that they have. So I thought that I would use my blog to, hopefully, help anyone out there who are feeling as if their brains will no longer do what they want them to do, and explain what happened to me, and how I have learned to cope with it (most of the time but not all of the time.)

Three years ago I had a high flying career, I had been head hunted to go to work for a failing organisation, my role in a large organisation at that time had been successful but, when I look back, I was getting more and more work thrown my way because (as I was later told by my counsellor) I was what is called a ‘doer’.

A doer is someone who will always “get the job done”, no matter what. These people normally do this because they feel the need to prove themselves, and want to please, and yes after a rapid rise up the ladder I do (looking back now) think that this clearly applied to me. But the problem is ‘doers’ are taken advantage of and given more and more and what happened to me is common because it happens to most people who try to please, who always get the job done, when they reach their late forties or fifties they are, quite simply, burnt out.

Looking back I can see it was not only my job, I had split with my first husband when my son was five, and had a high flying career then, in addition to make ends meet I taught aerobics and keep fit for six sessions a week to make ends meet. I was young, thought that I could keep going forever, and then my mum died. I no longer had my rock, the person who looked after my son in the evening whilst I took my lessons, read him stories, put him to bed, was always there for me.

The year after that I left my job, I could not cope with the fact that I never seemed to see my son, but was so conscious of the fact that I could die tomorrow. In addition I was also sick of being the person at work who always sorted all the crap jobs out. (See the ‘doer’ was evident then!)

I tried various careers, met Rich, got married and eventually found my niche in the NHS. I worked my way up quickly and after a major ‘War’ between Rich and I ten years ago, I threw myself back into it wholeheartedly and rose the ladder from a band 4 to a band 7 in two years. But I did not realise at the time that I was back in the position of chief ‘doer’ picking up all the crap all of the time. I learnt to bite my tongue, listen to people who were (and probably still are) arseholes and never said a word. Watched people (and I hasten to add that there were wonderful people who supported me) who earnt a fortune dip in and out of jobs cream the money off the top and then move on to the next one; and guess who always ended up sorting out the mess? Yep, you guessed it, me!

I was strong at home, always made sure the house ran right, was  the person ringing companies arguing about bills, or service we had received, worked out the accounts, in addition to running the house. I loved it, look at Moira she could cope; and then one day my brain said ‘NO! I am not doing this anymore!’

There were warning signs I had chosen to ignore, walking up to work from the train station when a voice in my head said “I can’t do this, I need to turn around an go home.” Did I listen? Of course I didn’t.

Or when I wrote in my journal that I felt as if I was standing on the brink of a black hole, did I listen? Of course I didn’t. I just kept going, because I could; because I felt that I had to hold it all together; because I saw it as a failing if I gave up.

I was not sleeping properly, would wake at two am in the morning and not be able go to back to sleep. In the March before the crap hit the fan the start of a sort of Narcolepsy kicked in; I had a week off work but was tired all the time, really tired could hardly keep my eyes open even though I had just got up. I would fall asleep sitting up, and be asleep for four hours on the sofa even though  I was on holiday from work and Rich was on holiday with me.  I was just miserable all the time. In fact when I fell asleep he could not wake me. I went to the doctor and they sent me for blood tests, but advised that if they came back clear I must take some time off work. Did I listen, of course I didn’t.

So one day I got sent home from work because I just kept crying. I thought I would be fine, would be back in work the following Monday. I told Rich not to worry because I had mechanisms in place, I kept a journal to reflect and unload, I would write that. But when I opened the page I could not write anything, there was nothing in my brain but a brick wall.

Then the anger kicked in, and that was when my ‘Incredible Hulk’ reared her head. I could feel the anger burning in me, even if I went for a walk, and I got banned from the local post office because I called the rude woman behind the counter a f*****g ****. But it was worse than that, I knew I could have hurt her, hurt anyone. Rich was seriously worried about me and he and my sister considered taking my car keys off me. They were right if anyone had pissed me off at that time I would have mounted the kerb and killed them.

My counsellor told me I would never be able to visit  three or four different shops when I did my shopping, in fact she warned that I would not be able to do a ‘big shop’ for quite some time. I did not believe her at the time but she was right, and if I went into any large supermarket I would find that my brain just shut down and put me to sleep and Rich would have to leave me on a piece of furniture whilst he went and got the things we needed.

I did not realise at the time how ill I was; things like this just did not happen to me. But my brain had taken over the asylum and was running the show and I know now that I had to listen to what it said, because it was much more powerful than me.

Where has that left me? I did manage to get the incredible hulk under control, but I am acutely aware that she is alive and well inside me and that she can come out if I am really pushed. So I don’t allow myself to be really pushed, I don’t put up with crap off of anyone, but my approach is different and I have learned to put a stop to things before my anger kicks in.

I have accepted that there are some people who I cannot be around, and I now have a mini bus analogy in my mind with only a limited number of seats for people who I want in my  life. I have learned that I should stop trying to keep everyone happy and only concentrate on the ones who matter.

I stopped watching the news! Bibble, babble, bibble, babble, all the time; bombarding you with negatives ALL the time. Take a step back from it, it is like a soap opera if you put it on a week later it will still be the same, and it is essential if you are struggling because it will bring you down.

I went and sat by the sea, looking out at infinity and realised that all the shit I was being told was important just wasn’t important at all!

I stopped competing with others, I don’t feel the need.

I have had to accept that I will never be the same person again. I have to remind myself constantly to stop being a ‘doer’ and look after me, because if I don’t then there won’t be a me here.

I have had to have more integrity for myself and, sometimes, less for others.

I listened to my counsellor when she said that I constantly set myself targets and that I needed to stop doing that. When I first visited her and she asked me what I was going to do to relax I said “Paint the outside of the house so we can put it up for sale.” She looked at me aghast and said “No you are not going to paint the house, you are going home to sleep.” So now I recognise when I am setting my targets too high and I lower my expectations of myself, which is a difficult thing to do if you are a ‘doer’.

I still have moments, when I have not given myself time to think (the doer is still alive she just has to be slapped down sometimes!) when my Narcolepsy kicks in and my brain just starts to shut down and now I listen and I go to sleep for an hour which allows my bring to reboot.

Sometimes I write a list of all of the things I have done for the day, because I never counted pegging the washing out, or emptying the dishwasher as jobs, and my counsellor made me write down everything I did to show myself what I achieved each day, and when I did it shocked me. So now i make myself acknowledge what I have done not what I have not done.

I correct myself when I hear myself say “I must” or “I have to”. Why do I? I stop Rich doing this as well because you could drive yourself nuts constantly telling yourself what you have to do, as I just said how often do you tell yourself what you have actually done?

When I was able to (and my brain could not cope with any reading other than easy read books, chit lit, that kind of thing.) I  finished reading ‘The Road Less Travelled.’ It is one of the books I refer to now in my life, and I have progressed to reading the Tao.

But I can only do these things because the main thing I had to recognise was that something had to give. I could not carry on with the life I had, even though I was earning good money, had a beautiful house they were not making me happy, they were making me ill.

I went back to writing my journal, and being honest with myself about my failings and how I interact with others, but importantly how others interact with me and whether I want to live with that.

When depression then hit after my bout of stress I knew that it was time to leave my job and change the way I lived my life.

So I moved to France, I have no mortgage but the bastards still get you with taxes and all the other shit! So we keep our life simple and are less stressed now than when we lived in the UK with good careers.

There is no more buying clothes on a whim (although I look back now and I can see that we only did that to make ourselves feel better about our lives; material things are just a quick fix.) I look at the costume jewelry that I would buy myself every week as a reward for working so hard, and what good is it to me now? I would look very strange in the garden with sparkly bracelets and long dangly earings! Even at the supermarche I would look a tad overdressed!

I no longer feel the need to compete with others, they are they are and I am who I am. If they don’t like me ce la vie!

What I realised was that I could not have it all, no more holidays, no money to replace our roof, but I know that even if we had wonderful jobs and we could do those things something else would be crap.

So I am saying to all of you respect your brain and listen to what it is telling you, do not listen to your conscious when it says “what about the bills? ……You have worked so hard in your career. …….People will think you are a failure……… Look at what others have why do you have so little, you have to keep doing what they are doing.” You don’t.

Look at all of the good things you have achieved, but it may be time for change, whether you think it is or not, the mind is a powerful thing and it will let you know if you are abusing it. So it may mean making hard decisions, giving things up, because it will probably mean having a simpler, more rewarding life.

You have to decide what life you want, and if you find you are where I was (or even near) then please, listen.

I hope that sharing with you has helped some of you. You have one life and if you are not there yet trust me it is really frightening when you go to a shop to buy something and find yourself talking to yourself like a mad woman (or man)  in the aisles, and yes that happened to me!

So here are a couple of thoughts for the weekend

“The master does nothing, 

yet he leaves nothing undone, 

The ordinary man is always doing things.

yet many more are left to be done.” 

Excerpt from the 38th Verse of the Tao

 

“We must come to terms with the reality of change, which requires continual adjustments in the way we think and behave – and particularly when we have become the most comfortable with where we are…..” 

The road Less Travelled and Beyond

M. Scott Peck

And just one more thing, these are the things that give me pleasure, you can see them anywhere if you look, always reminds me I am just a blip on this earth! The view from our window last night as the sunset across the valley….

Have a good weekend, and give yourself time to think.

Have a good Easter, and don’t buy anything, just enjoy the simple things.

Moisy

 

 

I cannot believe that we are at the 18th of January 2017 already! The time is flying by and I have let me readers down because I have not posted this year at all! But, in all honesty, I don’t know where to begin, I have so many things to blog about.

So I have decided that I am going to start with my reflections on the last year, what it brought to me (The Tao), what it taught me (live in the moment) and what I am taking forward to next year. With some other things beside. As always I hope that some of my readers can relate to what I write, and that it will help others reflect on their situation. I know that it won’t be all of my readers because it is common knowledge that human beings find it very difficult to reflect and, in some cases, there are people who cannot (or will not) consider reflection at all.  But let’s hope this year is the year that changes some peoples minds.

I have always been a hard task master on myself, setting high targets, and some have been impossible to achieve at times. Last year I wrote my aims for 2016 in my dairy, (aims: To have the intention of achieving; a desired outcome.) They included:

• Learn to speak French
• Roof the barn
• Point the barn
• Be speaking to, and get to know, our neighbours
• Chop down the pine trees in the garden
• Set up raised beds and have vegetable plot up and running
• Have €2000 in the bank as a contingency

 

I looked at some of these and thought why? Why did I set myself aims, which by itself means that I may fail? Looking at some of these what did I think?

So what did I achieve? Here is a reflection on my aims:

To learn to speak French. Really!! It has taken me all my life to learn to speak English, and even then there are certain dialects that I do not understand (even in Eastenders sometimes, I have to get Rich to translate things like “lillies!!” – translation can be given as requested!)

It is interesting the language we use, I used a definitive, made it that it was something that will be done, when it won’t. It will evolve over time, learning to speak French will be a lifelong thing.

However I have moved this forward, attended French classes, and now the French class takes place in my home; and, yes I can speak more French that I used to, can actually pick up the phone sometimes (as in the appointment with the Dentist) without fear, and I am moving forward all the time. I have also come to realise that our little French rescue cat loves me speaking to her in French, and although we have had our ups and downs (because she is mad) she now loves her mummy to bits and follows me everywhere, because I practice my French and talk to her

This will be an ongoing hope, that I will be able to converse relatively easy with the people whose country they have kindly allowed me to live in.

Roof the barn and point the barn? This was a pipe dream, we were,and are, miles away from getting this done. Like a said I am a hard task master and one of the things I will be taking forward this year, is to get real!!

Be speaking to and get to know our neighbours. This was a roaring success, we have met them and spent time with one of one of our neighbours. The others? Well I am not sure that they are happy that “les Anglais” live here. I think that where we live is considered quite exclusive and then we arrived! But we are friends with Marc and Nadia, and their friends Martine and Michelle, and I am sure that out other neighbours will mellow in the end. They do always say “Bonjour”

Chop down the pine trees, this was done and completed, Den and Rich worked hard to get that done. There are two left to do, but other things took over. (This was on Rich’s list and the boy did good.)

Our vegetable plot, well please read “Oh no it’s gone Pete Tong” because this was a bit of a disaster. Although it does transpire that the fluke cold weather at the beginning of the summer affected most people and I was not alone.

But I am undeterred and we will be working on our veggie plot over the next few weeks, and using some of the wonderful compost I have cultivated. – Even though build a compost heap was not on my list.

Have £2000 in bank for a contingency. I can say no more than over ambitious!!

But what have we achieved? Numerous things that were not on the list, including decorating the toilet, decorating our bedroom, shabby chic’ing loads of furniture to the max, renovating all of our windows at the front of the house, putting new doors on the barn and securing it, replaced our hot water tank (another story in itself), put a log burner in and ensured that the chimney was sealed so we did not get any more drafts (this was on Rich’s list) and sorted out some of our really dodgy electrics (this was also on Rich’s list.)

But for me starting to read and understand the Tao was one of the biggest things and this has influenced how I live my life in many ways. I have said for a long time that I don’t care what people think, and I can see that for quite some time I have been moving towards Taoism without even knowing it. One of the things that it says is “do not explain yourself” or in another way do not let others live your life by worrying what they think.

We have also reviewed people we have met and work we have carried out, decided to back off from Facebook a bit, and realised that there are an awful lot of people out here who get on our tits, and some who are a joy to know. Ce la vie!

So this year I have hopes, things that I would like to have done by the time the year comes to an end. I have started already and I will share all about it with you in another blog.

Look out there is much more to come.

 

Moisy

 

I’ve said many times that I find this time of year particularly evocative. It makes me reflect on things gone by, of things passing, and at times it makes me feel a little bit sad.

In the past few weeks I have been reminded that we are just a blip in the world, and that with each year that passes, each season that passes, our lives too are passing us by.

When you look at autumn in all her glory she is so beautiful, in any country that you live. But she is a bit like the ‘ghost of Christmas past’ when he arrives at Scrooges house, so full of life and exuberance, but leaves faded, yet still beautiful to see; but sadly dying, leaving only memories of a time gone by.

I know that Autumn is a melancholy season, especially as winter starts to spread it’s fingers and take hold; and, I do think that people struggle with it, feel “down” and “fed up”, but they don’t know why. So this post is for those people. I think that you feel the way you do because something is telling you to think about the summer that has past, and to, perhaps, remember that life is fleeting; but don’t see that as a negative, because if you look at the trees they already have buds, waiting to bloom when Persephone returns from the underworld next year.

Don’t take this as something to be sad about, take it as a wake up call to enjoy every day, whatever the weather. Don’t take anything for granted, don’t moan about the cold, instead snuggle in front of the fire, or, if you don’t have a fire a radiator with a snuggle blanket.

I challenge you to go out in the rain, feel it on your skin, feel the cold, but smell the wonderful  smell that the rain brings with it, a fresh smell that is welcoming something new; and then, when you get home, have a hot shower, get changed into something soft and warm, feel the warmth of your home, and don’t think about all the other crap that life holds. Just enjoy the moment. I’ve challenged you so I too will do this and let you know how I felt.

And before some people say “It is alright for you, you live in France!” Yes I do, in a house that half of the roof on the kitchen missing and a cesspit that leaks into the cellar! We, like you, have to earn money and being self employed this is not always easy. But what will worrying about it change? Nothing! So I am opening myself up to all opportunities and not focusing on the negative. Please join me.

Don’t worry about money, things, Christmas, because, and I’m not being miserable here, who knows if you will even be here at Christmas! Remember Christmas is meant to be a time of joy, of coming together, not necessarily just with family or friends, and being grateful for what we have, not dressing up in what we’ve bought and going out for a walk just to show it to the neighbours. If you haven’t seen it look out for the advert, when I saw it that made me sad, because is that what Christmas is all about?! Not for me.

So autumn is nature’s way of reminding us that we could be here today and gone tomorrow, and that everything must change, to quote the great George Benson song, (other versions are available); autumn tells us to enjoy everything we see that surrounds us shows us that how, even though they are dying, the plants rejoice in the life they have had this year to the very end. Showing off their beautiful colours, even when the leaves have left their branches, with striking reds and yellows on their twigs. They are saying “I’m alive, and I’m grateful.”

How many times have you forgotten to stop and look?

So this post is about helping people to step out of the material world, and all the worries that it brings with it, and just see what you have around you, that costs you nothing, comes back every year, and never gives up. There are many sayings that tell you not to worry, and to live here, and now:

It will all come out in the wash.

Tomorrow may never come

Worrying won’t change anything – but it will close your mind to any other opportunities that may come your way!

My mantra in life – “The only moment is now – oops, and now it’s gone.”

Even though the swifts know that they have a long flight ahead, they still dance in the sky at the thought of what lies ahead, rejoice that they are alive, grateful for each day.  This is one of the things that I love about living here, I am reminded of that every day, and I count my blessings every day – and none of them are material things.

 

Last year I posted about autumn, and all the lovely little fairy kingdoms that were sprouting up all over my garden, and then Rich strimmed them! Well they’re back! They have not given up, nature will never give up, and this time Rich has strict instructions not to strim them, I just want to enjoy them as they remind me of the resilience of life; and I am still waiting to see the lights on when dusk falls.

 

So come on folks, cheer up, breathe, be silent, step off the hamster wheel  and feel what is around you.

My geraniums have been put to bed, they have had their last hurrah for this year, but they will be back. And so will you if you let yourself be.

We have left the logs, that were chopped from the trees decimated by the tornado, so that they will provide insect houses for this winter, I love the way they look in my garden, natures little sculptures.

Have a good weekend – take that walk!

 

Moisy

 

 

Hi to all

Yesterday one of the friends who recently got back in touch with me, a friend from school, came to visit me; her daughter lives over here, and we realised she was just an hour away, so whilst visiting her daughter she came to visit me.  When she first made contact  I was flattered that she had been looking for me for some time on Facebook, because she really wanted to get back in touch.

It was wonderful to see her after so long, we all had a lovely lunch, and caught up about our lives and what had happened to us. As part of this we both reflected on our school days together and I realised that we think that we know people, especially when we are young, but very often we have no idea what is going on in their lives; and sadly we very often carry on doing that through the rest of ours.

Our re-union was an emotional one, and I was so shocked to hear her say that she always wanted to be like me, because I seemed as if I always had it together. I’m flattered but know that was not the case.

On reflection it was a facade that I put up when I was young, pretending that I didn’t care about what people thought, putting on a brave front. She said how I always seemed as if I didn’t care, and we had a long conversation about that subject and how if you do care soooo much about what other people think then they are living your life for you.

It is interesting that only now, at the age of 53, can I say that there are a few people who I do care what they think; but I can count those people on one hand. I know that people wish that they could have the ability to not care, not all people, but I have to be honest and say that most people that feel it is important to care what others think are very often like this because they too enjoy having an opinion on others.

Sadly for some it is because they have been put down so long that their spirit is broken and they allow others to constantly make comment, and have an opinion to make life easy.

I realised, on reflection after our re-union yesterday, that it has taken me a long long while for me  to get to the point that I don’t care, and it has mainly taken place in the last nine years. With all of the vitriol going on in the world at the moment I wish that other people that are dear to me were able to “not care.”

But it has also made me think how life is funny because i realised that I have made friends since moving here, a cyber friend who I have met through our mutual love of blogging. For some reason I have connected with her, she is a kind and thoughtful person, and her feedback to me with regard to my writing has inspired me, I think it is because there is no agenda with her, just a willingness to encourage others.

I have now met Trish’s daughter, a forthright and open woman, and as most of you know I really respect that, who knows I may have to include those whose opinion I care about on two hands soon!!!

So as I sit at my desk today, looking out at the garden I am reminded that life is funny sometimes, how moving here, starting my blog has re-united me with old friends and made me some new friends; it has enabled me to let some old friends go. Our re-union yesterday reminded me not to always taken people on face value, and to realise that my mad ravings at time can, and do, inspire some people.

 

That’s all I do it for.

(It just makes me giggle that it pisses others off!!!!!) I hope that makes some others who read this giggle too.

 

More French life posts to come this week – look out………

 

Moisy

 

 

Serendipity – “The occurence and development of events by chance  in a happy or beneficial way”

The word was coined by Horace Walpole, and is based on the old word for Sri-Lanka Serip and a fairy tale about the three princesses of Serendip; who as they travelled, discovered things by accident which they had not asked for.

Now some people will see this as material things, personally I see this as things that happen to you in life, that make you sit back and think. These things are often not things we have asked for, in fact they are often things that we do not welcome into our lives; but if some of us really sat back and thought we may, at times,  be able to open our minds and see the benefits of things that we thought, at the time were bad things. For example:

My illness in 2014, really made me re-evaluate my life and what I really wanted from it.

Only recently, in the last two weeks, our boiler has gone, and has hot water pouring from it. But we got on with it, put a paddling pool underneath, and Rich empties it every two hours with a pump.

I look at this in many ways: We have work now so we can afford to have it replaced, it could have happened last winter when we had no money to have it replaced. Our plumbing work is dodgy, to say the least, so we are having some of the joints replaced, and we have met a brilliant plumber who has been really helpful. The whole plumbing system could have gone and this has spurred us on to get it done.

As I always say life is showing us the way.

In addition it has also made us realise that there are some people, one person in particular, who has helped us in so many ways, and we are lucky to have met them.

Another example is Boo’z story.  I was meant to meet Boo, so that when her owner was held up in the UK my friend Mary then met her, and fell in love with her. At the time they were held up I could not spend time with Mary when she was on holiday, and her owners suffered some difficulties. All these things seemed negative, but her owners suffered the problems at that time so that Mary could meet her and fall in love with her; then when the time came that they could sadly no longer keep her Mary wanted her and now she has a wonderful life with her new sisters (see my previous post.) All came good, good things happened from something that at the time seemed very negative,  none of us were looking for the outcome that is in place now. But it is a good outcome.

I have had this particular post half drafted for some time. But strangely something always put me off posting it, something else came up, life got in the way. Now with all the things that have happened in the past couple of months, not least the decision to leave the EU, I do believe that life is telling me to get this post out. I believe that it was serendipitous that I did not write this blog until now. Again let me explain:

I have a loved friend who I had sadly lost touch with, for over eighteen years, who sought me out on Facebook recently and got back in touch. They rang me the other week and we talked for over two hours, it was as if we had never been out of touch. As is always the case there were changes to our lives at the time, and hurt feelings when we lost touch, but serendipity intervened and being back in touch has  enabled me to see that, despite the years we lost touch, our friendship will be all the stronger for it; and we will be able to help each other as life changes in the future. It also made me realise that true friends never really leave you, they just need to take a break sometimes.

Another friend from school has also recently got back in touch, who is in the process of reviewing and revising their life; we have had a few cyber talks and my reflections on my life have helped them to reconsider theirs. I hope that I have been able to help, and will be able to do so in the future.

It just seems strange that at this time of great change these people have sought me out to get back in touch, after us all travelling on such different paths for so long.

Sadly it would not be a true reflection of events if I did not say that the vote to leave the EU, and some of the vitriol that I have seen, and at times experienced, on social media has made me re-think some of the friendships that I  had (yes past tense). Question whether I do really have anything in common with some people now, and whether it is time to let those people go. I have considered all things, and some that are close to me for many reasons will remain my friends (just best not to discuss politics) but some people seem to be blindly led and I am sorry to say sheeples. As I have said before I really am not a sheeple, (see previous blog). I have answered the vitriolic people (no surprises there you may say!) and, in one case to date, because I am not convinced there won’t be others, told them to fuck off!

I respect that other people have different views to mine, as long as they too respect that I have different views to theirs, some would say it is just debate but when people get personal that is not debate!

That’s all I have to say on the decision to leave, but again, has this all happened to make us all think? Were obstacles put in my way re writing this blog to ensure that comment was made on this as well? Perhaps.

I read a lot. I love reading something that someone has said with an open mind and then reflecting on it. Due to this I have a common place book (inspired by Bel Mooney); it’s a book where you write quotes, phrases, poetry, or any words that inspire you, (Serendipity being a word that inspires me for example.)

One of the things I have written in it is this:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones that you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Mark Twain.

Perhaps for me, and some others now, another quote is this:

” sometimes I think I’m going somewhere, but then I look around at whose there. It makes you wonder what’s important, is it really do or die to see if you can touch the sky?

Well we’re in the thick of it, better get a grip and get it on, get it on, yes we’re in the thick of it, better get a grip and get it on.”

“In the thick of it” by the great singer song writer Brenda Russell.

Since my teens this song has always inspired me, but the words are especially poignant and thought provoking now, and I know some people who read my blog will look around at what they are surrounded by and wonder if it is important to them.

The other song lyrics that sum me up?

“Is this a mirror of myself?

Am I somebody else?

I don’t wanna be

Everybody”

“Everybody” Martin Solveig

 

Catch up soon

 

Moisy

So a year ago yesterday we moved to France. My post on Facebook read “sitting in the car with coffee spilt down the front of me, and 4 cats, 2 who have already shit and I am  not even on the train yet! What an adventure!!” (A witty friend on Facebook put in response – 2Isn’t that meant to be lucky?!”)  Our train was delayed by three hours, and we didn’t arrive at our rented house until one am in the morning. But we still cracked open the wine, and had the lamb chops we had brought over with us for tea.

Our circuits were completely haywire because we had moved on the Monday after the clocks had gone forward in England and added to the extra hour in France it knocked us for six and  took us about three weeks to overcome what felt like jet lag!

I have often said how our house in Herne Bay was beautiful, and how I did struggle to leave it, I have recently found some photo’s of it and thought that I would share them with you.

I was heartbroken to leave it, but you know what? I wouldn’t go back. I loved the house, I didn’t love where it was particularly, (although I do still miss our neighbours Jo and Mike). Reflecting now I am surprised to see how much I have moved on. Just goes to show you that what you thought you wanted is not always what it seemed and when you take the chance and make a change, frightening though it may be, it all becomes clear.

Due to the anniversary of our year of living here I have reflected on our adventure to date (don’t I always?) and here are some of my reflections and advice for those who may be thinking of taking the adventure.

We rented our rental property at short term notice, as a previous arrangement had fallen through, and on reflection it was bloody expensive. The cost was meant to include all of the bills, which when you consider we were moving into it in  the summer months, was no great shakes really as we were not going to really use anything. My understanding was that a gardener was included in the cost but within a week of moving in we had a phone call from the English couple who we had rented from to advise us that the cost of the gardener was not included in the £840.00 (yes really !! 1092 euro) we were paying a month. Being the nice people we are we did not argue, although I have to say I would now! We decided we would do the gardening ourselves with his old lawn mower, which he thought was great but turned our didn’t work, so off we went to buy a sit on, as we concluded we would need that in the future anyway. A week later we had another phone call to say  that they did not think that we were mowing the lawn often enough – obviously they were having us watched!!- I kid you not!!! We decided to get out of the property asap as it was clear that they were going to be a pain in the proverbial, and to say that they had seriously pissed us off at that point is an understatement.  But you know what when we did get out the cheeky buggers still deducted £50.00 for gardening!!

I have been dying to say that since we moved, time to say it now. What did I learn from it? Don’t think that people are nice on face value because, sadly, nine times out of 10 they’re not! Much as it is difficult when you rent something with all the bills included, get an idea of rents out here first (400-450 euro a month without bills) and that will give you some negotiating power.

Having said that we did have a relaxing time in that house, as there were no renovations to do, and could concentrate on finding our new home, and enjoying France. The weather last summer was fantastic, albeit (and I can’t believe I am saying this) too hot. It was thirty five degrees at nine thirty at night some nights. My two best memories from our time there? Dancing naked in the rain with the Rich in the totally secluded garden (hopefully they weren’t having us watched that day, or they would have been in for a shock!)   Apologies to my son now as I am sure that is not an image he will want in his head! And buying a paddling pool for what we thought was us, but turned out to be for my handsome Harley pup, who acted like a toddler and just wanted us to play in it with him all the time.

Good times and we can’t wait to get it out (the paddling pool, not our bodies this time, our neighbours might complain!) this year and see what Squiggle Piglet (or Wiglet) makes of it.

I have well documented moving here to our current home, and for those who did not read my blog at the time I would urge you to have a look at my archives, which will also show you the changes that we have made to our house to date.

Other memorable moments – balancing an American fridge freezer on my head as we desperately tried to squeeze it through a door frame and it got stuck, and having to hold it there whilst Rich tried to free it. Being only five foot four inches I seriously thought I might die at that point!

Turning our water on and it leaking everywhere – just goes to show that you can overcome so many things.

Sitting in the bar listening to music in Ambrieres in September.

Watching the fireworks in Ambrieres, and in Ruille Sur Le Loire on Bastille day.

Having a cheeky Frenchman whisper in my ear his age and then winking and asking if I understood (he was 69!)

Sitting at the sweet little bar in Ruille with all the other French people – we avoided the main square where all the English were who had travelled there for Le Mans. Being hugged by the landlady when we said goodbye.

The lovely French ladies in the Super U in Ruille Sur La Loire  – our French was pretty poor then and they must have dreaded every time we arrived to book a van to move our belongings. But by the end they would chat away and we felt that we knew them well.

Travelling to our new house on moving day, with my friend Mary, her first trek across France and she had a cat in a box on her lap who had also had a shit (they like to do that, cats, when they are in cars!)

Sitting outside the first night we moved into this house in the pitch black, with the stars glittering in the sky, like a quilt of diamonds, listening to the owls.

Seeing the seasons change.

What have been the downers?

The cold – really well documented in my blog over the last few months, and the job for the summer is to get the doors, windows, cellar and floor in the living room weatherproofed for this winter, we simply didn’t have time last year.

People – some of who are unreliable, some of who tell you one thing but do another, some the way that the speak to other people, especially on Facebook; seriously sometimes I think that people are way up on the Asperger’s spectrum because I can find no other reason (other than they are an arsehole) as to why they would put what they put on other people’s posts. But that will be a blog for another day, because it times I have laughed until my sides have ached with the petty arguments that  ensue.

Also added to this is the fact that people seem to think that they have a right to know what you are doing, and right to comment on it. When we first moved here someone we knew over here did not welcome us, just made contact to ask what were we  going to do for a living and were we registered because if not you would get a ten thousand euro fine. That is very popular over here, English people telling you that you will be fined for this, and fined for that. This is all fine (no pun intended)  if you have asked them for their advice but most often than not people have not, but they say it anyway!  I have made no bones in this blog to advise people that where we are concerned they will  quite simply get told to  f***k off if they provide uninvited negative comments to us. If we have asked you for your opinion it is welcome, if we have not then it’s not.

It’s been a year time go get a bit honest now!

Sadly also in this category are the people you lose touch with; who you really wanted to stay in touch with but good old life takes over and the good intentions eventually curl up and die. For those reading this – get in touch it would be great to hear from you no matter how much time has passed. (As an addendum to this one particular person who means everything to me has just got back in touch, yesterday, how weird was that on the anniversary of us moving over here, I have tears in my eyes now to know that he is back in my life.)

I miss the people who you cannot just pop round the corner to see. Those who you know you may never get to see again – still love you all.

Work – it has been hard. We took peoples advice (see above) when in fact it was crap, registered Rich way too early in a different Department and now can find no trace of his carte vitel (social security card for those who do not live in France) – but that is something for me to sort out for another day. Work has also been hard to come by, but looking at others we have not done bad, and have managed to survive just …. keep reading the sun is coming up over the horizon.

Lack of some favourite foods – we have had a stock of brown sauce brought over, along with Oxo cubes (other well known stock cubes are available). Weirdly miss beefburgers, you know the patty type which I did not eat that often in England, but now that they are not available, want them!!!!! (Sorry but I’m not keen on the French version.) And of course the old favourites sausages, because I am sorry my French friends but your sausages are vile. No other word, vile.

We also miss beef, yes beef as in topside, a good joint of beef. Doesn’t matter what cut you buy over here they do not roast well. Steaks melt in your mouth, stewing steak is lovely but roast beef? Forget it. Sadly we have arranged for people to bring us joints over when they come to visit.

And of course not being able to speak the language well – but I am sure that will change in the next year – watch this space.

What is the good side? 

The hot summers – the very warm springs – bring them on, cannot wait.

The tranquility – as I have said so many times hearing the birds in the trees, the owls at night, our resident woodpecker. Our surroundings, our beautiful, tatty, old house which keeps us safe – currently roof or no roof!

Our garden, cannot wait to get to work on it.

People – the lovely people we have met, the lovely people we have founded relationships with on Facebook, feeling as if they are your friend even though you may never have even met them.

I feel that it is important over here to give people support, especially when the going gets tough, and yes there have been many many people who have given us support and good advice. You all know who you are and you are all a welcome addition to our lives. Only today I received an email from a lovely man in England who also has a house out here, but has not moved over here full time yet; we are going to meet up with him for coffee when he next comes over. There is the lovely lady who gave us Squiggle piglet, because she knew we would love her. She gives me such support. Then there is my good fellow blogger (she knows who she is) whose feedback for this blog is always so positive. In addition there are the people who have taken the time to set up Facebook sites for people to help each other – you are some kind of people with the crap you have to deal with sometimes, respect to you all.

Our new friends the neighbours, who have been brilliant and supportive. I am sure that we will continue to integrate into French life as the year goes on.

Those people back home, who avidly read my blog, give me feedback (please folks all feedback is welcome) who support us through Facebook, I have blogged about them before. To know that people want to stay in touch, makes you realise that you are important to them, and that is a good thing to know. The people who also read it in Spain, Brazil, Argentina and other far flung countries, don’t know how you found me but keep reading.

The friends who have been to see us, and helped us so much, the friends that are due to come to see us on Monday (I cannot wait) the family members who have supported us.

Animals – Mad as we are we love animals, and although Sophie the Sofa Loaf (see my family and other furry creatures) has no teeth, has obviously had a head injury and is at times a complete mad pain in the butt, I am glad that she lives with us, and sits on Rich’s shoulder as he walks around the house like a parrot.

But last and NEVER least we have our new addition (five months now) the Wiglet as she is affectionately known. She has changed our lives so much, and poor old Harley’s, and has now become her human brothers adopted dog, to whom we will be sending regular updates because that dog never fails to make you smile.

Looking  for cats – saying hello to the world without having to go out in the rain.

Chilling on one of her favourite chairs.

It never ceases to amaze me, when I look out of my window that I have what looks like  two teddies running around my garden.

Work – which is picking up. Rich has a management job with a gite complex, and a couple of regular clients – just need to get a few more, and my book printed (always believe in the power of positive thought) and we will be laughing.

Food – When we first came here we really missed takeaways (they deliver kebabs over here, but rarely.) No Chinese, Indian deliveries here no sirree. But you know what we don’t miss them now. I have learnt to cook a mean Chinese (as my friend Mary will confirm – not Rich as of course he will say it is good because it is more than his life is worth.), we have found doner meat in Lidl which I cook up with some Moroccan spices, and chicken breast and seriously it is as good as any kebab.

When we occasionally go out for a meal my favourite dish is moules and frites, of any variety, but my favourite is with Roquefort cheese and I highly recommend it.

In fact I am cooking more now than I have ever done, love my new kitchen as it works better than my old one, but the only problem is that I now seem to be the main chef!!!

But most of all for me, it is the way of life. It is the quietness and solitude that I love, I no longer feel stressed all the time, I feel healthier than I have for a long time. Rich has now recovered from his panic attack earlier in the week and no longer wants to move to a caravan in Benidorm (see previous post);  his repairs on the roof have held pending the repair via the insurance, and we are now have a plan, of sorts, to keep our heads above water for the next year. We are out in the garden for the next few days, planting up and a blog will be on its way about that, as much work has already been done (another thanks to Den for his help).

So the first year has passed in a flurry I hope you have enjoyed my blog to date, and want to continue reading to see what the next year entails – please share it with your friends.

 

Moisy