Category Archives: The background story

What Have We Learned: You can only ever make decisions based on the Here and Now .

20 Monday Jul 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Learning and Evolving, mental health, new adventures, New Paths, Reflections, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The background story, The continuing adventure, Us

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Larchamp 2013

Seven years ago I took this photograph of the pretty sundial we used as a table at a beautiful gite we were vacating in. I still love this picture today, one of tranquillity and stillness.

At the time I took it I was just about to move from an incredibly stressful job to what I didn’t know at the time would be the job from hell. I didn’t realise just how stressed I actually was at that time, so when I then became ill with stress the following year, to us the obvious place to live in France was the region where this picture had been taken. We made our decisions based on how we felt at that time.

Now, after living in this place for five years the people who ran the gite have moved back to England, in fact many people who we have met along the way have moved back to England.

Over the years we have come to realise that is part of an adventure like this: change, not for ‘change sake’, but because we evolve, and part of evolving means that we move forward to pastures new. At the time we make our decisions they are the right ones at that moment in time, based on how we feel at that moment in time. Just as we did after our fabulous holidays in this region.

When RD and I moved here we were both burnt out, literally. My brain had been addled dealing with high levels of human emotion every day. I needed peace, I needed to step out, I needed tranquility and this place offered us all that; and it healed me. But moving on I am better, despite only realising and accepting recently that I will never go back to the person I once was; and as I write that I wonder why I thought I would, because you can never go back, you can only ever go forward.

So now we are healed we have also learned that we are not ready to retire, and we are not ready to slow down quite this much. Going back to work, and interacting with some of the fabulous people I have met has also shown me that. RD has realised that he misses the interaction with other colleagues, he misses working as part of a team. We miss nightlife, and having the opportunity to interact fully in our community.

Language is a barrier, never believe that it isn’t. Language dictates, to a certain degree, the people who you have to interact with, as opposed to those you want to. I cannot emphasise enough the huge impact not knowing a language will have when you undertake an adventure like this. There is an upside also though: you can (I won’t say will because some never try) learn the fabulous art of improvisation, and the other fabulous art of mime! And the best people we have met during this time have been French people.

So seven years ago, when the picture in this post was taken I was a very different person (not least that I can speak a little French now). I was fighting against my feelings of fear and entrapment. Going on this journey has stopped all of that, I have learned who I was, and who I am, and I know there is a ‘who I am going to be’ somewhere in the future.

More to come.

Rosie

My home in the evening sun

Something to be proud of.

02 Sunday Feb 2020

Posted by in Belief, Dream, People, The background story

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am not normally a mum who gushes, but just this once I think this is warranted.

Many years ago, as a single parent, I would read my son Tom (his real name) Tolkien’s ‘The Hobbit’ by lamplight, and the light given off by our Christmas tree lights.

It was a difficult time, we had our gas and electricity on meter, so we would snuggle under a blanket and I would read to him. It was an escape for us both. Eventually he would fall asleep and I would carry him up to bed. Someone said to me once that I would ‘look back and treasure these moments’, and they were right, I do.

Fast forward to the current day. Tom has had a children’s book published. It has been written by Tom and illustrated by a close friend Aaron. It is not self-published, he has a contract with a real life publisher. It is available for pre-order, with its release on the 24th of February. The pre-orders have been so successful that a second book has been commissioned.

Yesterday Tom was interviewed by his old uni, because they want to use his story to encourage others. This was the same uni that originally rejected Tom, but he never gave up, he wrote an amazing intro to a story and they finally gave in and accepted him. Yesterday he sent me the interview notes, and in them he said

‘That’s my next dream, to help children across the world, from all communities to read…’

‘..hell, my mum used read ‘The Hobbit’ to me when I was six or seven; Tolkien’s world inspired me as a child to read more works’.

I cried! Big ploppy tears, I have tears in my eyes now.

Tom never gave up, he became part of a team of creative people, doing the thing he loved, despite people telling him he should work full time in Sainsburys, or telling him to get a ‘proper job’. He went to live in Newcastle to fulfil his dream.

Tom edited, and re-edited his book, and then put back the words he took out, because he knew what he wanted to say. He faced his fears and he stepped outside his comfort zone.

The little boy who used to have the most vivid imagination has grown up to be a man who will inspire others.

I am so proud to be his mum.

Rosie aka Moisy

Tom and Aaron’s book is available for pre-orders at all good bookstores, including Foyles, and internationally including Amazon Take a look if you think your children or grandchildren would love it.

Having the opportunity

23 Thursday Jan 2020

Posted by in Learning and Evolving, Making our own way, mental health, Reflections, serendipity, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The background story, The continuing adventure, Us

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I have been really busy since New Year helping H with a job. It’s coming to an end now, so now I have some time off.

My blogs have suffered, as has my social media interaction, but that will all be boosted again now.

My book seems to be doing pretty well, in fact it was positioned at 185,00 on Amazon best sellers rank on and off over the past month. Given how many books they sell I am taking that as a good thing; add to that the three 5 star ratings I have received this month and I am hopeful.

But I cannot sit on my laurels, promotion is the key so to add to my Twitter, Facebook (as Rosie Joseph) my Facebook page ”Making This Better’, and my Facebook Group ‘Making This Better’, I now have an Instagram page of the same name with followers going up each day. So after working with H all day I have been coming home and interacting with others all over the world.

I always knew, all those years ago, that my story would help others, our story would help others. What happened to us changed our lives, and I know some people will find it hard to believe, but for the better. If it hadn’t happened then I would not be sitting in my cold winters garden in France writing this blog.

But more than anything it is the wonderful messages that I get from people from all over the globe saying how my book has helped them; how they find themselves reading it and nodding and saying to themselves ‘that’s me.’

But you see I give them hope, because I am here now helping others, I am proof that you can come out the other side. Every message I get brings tears to my eyes, because I was there once, and I know their pain, and the messages are so wonderful, and grateful. The reviews on Amazon say it all really.

What has that got to do with this adventure? Everything. If we had not come here I would have been so caught up in the ‘rat race’ that I would probably never had time to write my book; and If I had, it may have had a less open perspective, given the crap I was putting up with in England.

In addition it shows that trust can grow, because RD and I had to trust each other to take on this adventure, and we had to work as a team to do it. As a result I know that we are changing other people’s lives, from what they tell me. We are giving them hope.

That’s got to be a good thing hasn’t it?

Rosie.

You can read our other story by clicking on the link at the top of the page.

Making This Better the book is now available including the journal entries for the first 5 years of our recovery & the whole 21 days of ‘The War’. Available internationally in paperback and ebook  at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad and Waterstones Bookstores for click & collect

Moving forward – Coming back

25 Thursday Apr 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, Making our own way, My home, Reflections, The background story, The continuing adventure, Us

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related image

When we undertook this adventure what I did not see was just how much it would show me: with regard to the way I look at life. Since moving here I have read the Tao, still not completed reading ‘The Road Less Travelled and Beyond’, and I have touched on the great ‘regarder of life’: Byron Katie. I have learnt a lot from them all. In addition living here has given me the peace and tranquility that I needed to find myself again, I have written before that I am back, but never really fully explained why. You can read some of my posts on this here

As  most of my readers know due to the pressures of my job in England, and being an empath, I eventually became very ill from stress. I did not realise just how ill I was until I fully recovered this year.

As part of this adventure I have written my book ‘Making This Better; and I have serialised it on another blog (you can click on the link at the top of the page.) I always knew that the story of what happened to Rich and I would help others, and serialising my book has proved to me that this is the case. (Nearly 10,000 views this month alone and on it’s way to 42,000 views in seven months.) But more than anything as I re-read some of my journal entries from so long ago they have showed me the one true asset that I have had all my life: my strong personality. In fact in one of my journal entries I have commented how I was fighting ‘the essence of me’ to stay with Rich. You can read this entry here

As I have said in that post when I read it I had tears in my eyes, because I knew that I over the intervening years I had suppressed it and I realised what an asset I have been given in my life. The teachings of the Tao are to be kind, that is true; but they are also to turn the other cheek, and with that I cannot always agree. This adventure has shown us people who will take advantge of that, I have written about them often; and perhaps all of those experiences was life telling me to take back the one thing that God gave me that mattered: my strong personality. you can read about some of the lessons here

and here

and here

Related image

Now when I read what I said all those years ago, knowing that I have taken back my strength, I feel that I am finally where I need to be with regard to what to do with life. Since doing this, it has been as if life is saying ‘thank Christ for that! She has finally realised what she has to do, now I will help her’: and since then Rich’s business has started to take off. I said many years ago that integrity was a commodity out here; and now I am managing his Facebook page and have designed his website, which I am also promoting Rich is doing well, and I believe it is because we are being us and using the skills and integrity that we have. We don’t rip people off, we do over and above what is needed and we can be trusted not to steal.

One of the things that really got to me since living here was that people can be so vicious, especially when it comes to hustling for work; we were in some ways afraid to put Rich’s services out there because of what they would say (this would never have been me before my illness!)  and so we relied on others to offer us work. Now I am back that is not working for me: I want us to get our own work, I know what we are capable of as a team and I don’t want to be beholden to anyone.

In  addition I will not put up  with an ounce of unnecessary shit from anyone. Now if people want to  be rude to us, or try to undermine us, then I will answer them right back, in a professional and businesslike,  sometimes terrifying way.  In fact I  already have, and we got a job out of it. I find nastiness unecessary, and whilst I understand that often it is because people feel insecure or vulnerable, we all have to step up to the plate, if you are feeling vulnerable then find out why and change it; stop taking it out on everyone else.  I am not unnecessarily nasty to anyone:  unless they are nasty to me!

The other day I was saying about something to Rich and about how I was not prepared to put up with it and he giggled; when I looked at him he said ‘I love that so much about you: that you won’t let anyone beat you.’

Related image

We have also realised that when you undetake an adventure like this, many people  who are afraid to do the same are often waiting for you to fail; add to that you also feel like you ‘have’ to keep plugging away at it because you chose to make such a huge change, and because of that you fail to see that the whole point of an adventure is change: when you embark on it, and when you are in the midst of it. As part of me coming back this year, Rich and I have been honest with each other in that we didn’t know if we would stay: and from that we then realised that was all part of the adventure to make change as we needed.

A few weeks ago I met a couple who were returning to the UK. As you know I have blogged about the fact that I was reconsidering whether I wanted to continue our adventure here in France, or whether to move to pastures new (although we know that England will not be an option.) This lady said to me that she had loved living here, but that they had been here twelve years and she believed that life went in ten-year cycles: when it is then time to move on to something new; and it got me thinking: I do believe tha life is about moving forward all the time; perhaps it is also about accepting that when we get itchy feet we should listen to the message that life is sending our way.

When we moved to the Pays de Loire area of France four years ago we chose this are because we had holidayed here twice, and we loved the peace and tranquility. We loved it because we were having a break from out two notoriously hectic careers; mine even more so. England is a notoriously crowded Island: you queue  to go anywhere even to the supermarket; and I wrote very early on in this adventure how people in the UK generally seemed so angry. All of these things led us both to want somewhere in the rural countryside, where life was extremely laid back and was not overcrowded with people and so we made the choice to move to the Pays de Loire region. I have come to realise that at that time that is what we needed; and you can only ever make life choices based on what you have in the here and now.

3 Rules All Great Leaders Follow When Facing Change

The last four years have been glorious they have replenished me; I still love my house and the beautiful countryside around us, but as I have written recently I am back to being the real Moisy and I don’t think in the long-term that will be enough. I now need a little more stimulation, I am ready for it again. Who Knew that would happen?

img_2975

A winter sunset from my garden in France 

It has made me consider that perhaps we all hold on too tightly to things, and don’t embrace the fact that life is a constantly evolving adventure. Now that is something that I learnt from the Tao: no matter how much you plan, no matter how many contingencies you put into place life never goes to plan.

Image result for images for change

Add to all of this my book which means that I now interact with people whose lives have been turned upside down, as ours was many years ago; and I can see that was another life event to make us stop and change direction with our lives (we had been together nine years!) It was also an event that we have now been able to use to help other people; and I never thought that I would encounter so many wonderful people as I have. Who knew?

When I moved into my house in Kent all those years ago I thought it was my forever home; and now I am here: in France. Who knew?

Related image

Now I have come to realise that life does go in cycles, and only by embracing that knowledge can you truly find peace. So the biggest lesson I have learnt: We make decisions based on the here and now (as we should) and given that we should all expect change as the here and now changes!

I  know that whatever decision we make we will make it based on the circumstances at the time and that in the future when those cirucmstances change we may well adapt and decide to do something different.

THAT is life.

So here is the thing that I have learnt so far from this adventure:

Understand that when you make a decision in life it is based on what you need at that time; but over time your needs will change, you will change, and it is okay to change direction, change your adventure and move on to something new. It is not failure it is in fact strength and bravery.

Never let go of any strength you have, if you have been blessed with it use it for all your worth: look at what has happened to us this year since I have got all my strength back. Don’t let others undermine your strong personality, it is your asset and they are envious.

So here is to strong personailities, here is to the adventurers, here is to changing direction when it is needed, or every ten years, here is to listening to life.

I am never saying never about staying here; because I do not know where my life may change again, as I said to Rich who knows what we will be doing this time next year!

I’m just going with the flow because I know it will take me where I need to go.

Moisy

img_2555-1

The view from my garden in France 

 

It’s out there – well part of it for now!

02 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by in Change is a coming, Reflections, The background story, The continuing adventure

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

Image result for pictures of books

I took your advice my new blog is set up, it may go a long way to explaining why Rich and I are so ‘resilient’ as we were told the other day!

I am out of practice setting up blogs – it’s been three years – but I hope that you approve of it’s design, and that it helps others. It is what it has all been about.

I will keep you in suspense no longer it is called ‘making this better’ @makingthisbetter.com; it had three followers already, and over twenty views and has only been open just over an hour!!

What I will say is that this blog is not about judging  – if it wasn’t for my husband’s bravery we would not be here today.

As my son said to me ‘Mum! You are not an easy person to come back to!’

Never a truer word was said!!

Moisy

Times they are a changing.. We’re getting mains water!!

04 Tuesday Sep 2018

Posted by in Change is a coming, My home, The background story, The continuing adventure

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

 

One of the most frustrating things about living in France is the beauracracy – or lack of organised thinking. You go somewhere for advice and one person tells you one thing, so you do that, send it all in, and then another person tells you that is not what they need at all and, in fact, they need a hundred and one other things!!

I know that if all goes ahead as planned the next year is going to be filled with this frustrating level of pig headedness, people who want to be more important than they are, helpful people, and doing the same things over and over again. I have resigned myself to it and just say to myself now ‘This is France!’

So after the gate last week, we are finally having mains water connected to our house. They have to pick the pipe up from the middle of the field opposite and it would be an understatement if I told you that we will not be getting much change from a lot of money. But at least then our pipes will not freeze, as they did last winter when we went without water for four days when the ‘Beast from the East’ arrived; and in the summer our water from our taps will be cold and we will be able to drink it. This summer it was red hot until the water that was in the pipe laying on top of the land had been flushed through!

For those who have only just joined my blog I wrote last year of how our well had run dry and we had no water for eleven days in the middle of the hot summer. It was only thanks to the kindness of our neighbour, who allowed a pipe to be connected to his water and go across his land, that we have had water at all. The blog was called ‘Une leçon de vie atout votre eau’ it means a lesson in life, treasure your water; and trust me I do!

But it is one of many lessons that Rich and I have learnt, that you don’t need things immediatly, you can survive, as we have with only a tarpaulin on our roof for three years – yes the water has run in, poured in sometimes, but we have not died. It is a true saying: ‘What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger’ (has to be said in an Essex accent! I am an Essex girl after all!!)

Rich and I laughed when we showered each other using our watering can- especially when I had to climb a step ladder to get above Rich, me a little five foot four inches, Rich a tall six foot one inch! And now I don’t waste water. I know some petty people we have known have said that we are just surviving, well give me survival any day if you are happy when you are doing it. A lot of people who don’t have to ‘survive’ often seem as miserable as sin to me!

So yesterday as  I was  corresponding with the water company about additional work we required, as is the way in France, the lady I was corresponding with was telling me I needed to this and that, and make a payment before the work could be done. Then there was a ring at the doorbell and a man from the water company stood there and said that they can do the water today including the additional work! I am just going with the flow, he said I can just pay him when they get here! Who knows what we will end up with.

Water I hope….

C’est la vie!!

Watch this space

Moisy

img_1853

Another gate opens, another ship sales from dock, and the crew is getting bigger all the time

14 Thursday Jun 2018

Posted by in Change is a coming, Friends, People, Reflections, The background story, The continuing adventure

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

FD49ADF1-DE03-4F38-97C8-7D8D4C92A332

When I first started this blog, I chose the tag-line carefully….

I said in my intro to this blog that I was writing it for all the people who were wondering ‘What if?’ Or, like us, were thinking that there must be more to life than this – and not necessarily material things. who were thinking about making change, about people who were thinking about stepping off the path that we are all led to believe we should follow, and going off into the woods to see what life may hold.

463D33B0-FAA5-40EA-B04E-23AF5A47769D

I have written about serendipity, one of my most favourite words, and something I believe in: A series of events that we were not looking for that add up to make something wonderful.

03389575-9C88-42A2-AAAB-2D03A405AA38

I have written about our mini-bus of life, and asked who is on your mini-bus, how many people do you allow on your bus, give them a seat only for them to try and  influence you  to do what they think you should do, often because they want to feel safe in numbers, and need to know what they are doing is right?

img_1246

How often? When, in fact, you should not let them influence you at all. How many people have told you that your mad? That you need to keep doing what you are doing even if it is clearly killing you?

9867394B-A681-412C-AA49-E400E2C811AE

I have had people contact me from all over the world to tell me that I have made them think. Not least when I share my experiences with regard to mental health (I am not going to call them issues, they are not issues they are just another part of the body that sometimes find’s it hard to work with all the shit we are bombarded with!!) Some of those people have made me cry, to know that my words have resonated with them. Some have made me smile when they start to make change.

I have made people laugh and I have made people cry, but most importantly for me I have inspired people. Not least our friend Karen:

I share her blog often, Dylan’s Welshie World. It is a blog about her puppy and her antics, but it is not just a blog about that, it is a blog about how that puppy has changed Karen’s life, how Karen has stepped off that cliff (or fell off! As she said the other day!) at a time when she needed the love that, sometimes, only a dog can bring.

You should read her story it is a young blog , but it will make you laugh out loud and make some others who have been on the hamster wheel for so long ask themselves if they need to make that change too. Karen has been brave, she had to overcome the worry of opening up to the world – but the response she had has been life affirming.

So I have inspired Karen, she has set up her blog after years as a high-flying editor she went back to writing, doubted herself because it had been so long,  until I convinced her and now her blog has become a hit and she is receiving high praise for her writing. – See, she just had to believe and have someone believe in her, of course she could write!! The things we come to believe!! Because we listen to that spin doctor in our head!

A series of events led Karen and I to being back in touch and closer than ever; sadly Karen’s dear mum died, her last remaining brother died a short time after, and, as death does, it started Karen on a path to looking at her life and the career that had defined her. Then a person who she had known for many years and got back in touch with showed that they were not the person that she thought they were all along, and left her at a time when her life was in upheaval. Just as that happened we got back in touch, I had sold a story to one of the Magazines that Karen edited, and, although we had seen each other over the years, I came back into her life at a time when she needed someone who would listen, had been through something similar, and would tell her the truth. In addition my husband makes her laugh all the time, and she needed that.

So Karen came over to see us, fell in love with our dogs (who couldn’t)….

 

Karen returned home with the firm intention of finding a Welsh Terrier puppy. They are hard to get, and there is normally an eighteen month waiting list, but serendipity clearly had a plan for Karen, and she rang a breeder who had just had a little girl puppy rejected because she had a kink in her tail. The breeder  liked Karen, liked the way she talked about the breed and just knew that, although others were waiting, Karen would love this Welshie with all her heart, and she does.

In the September Dyls came home to live with Karen, and the rest, as they say is history…

As Karen came over more and more and fell in love with the serenity of France, it made her think about her life again. No least watching Dylan run free around our garden like a mad thing helped her decide to come to France and spend the summer here and see where life takes her – she is starting to understand that she is not doing the driving!!

D024A28D-F72C-40EC-9819-A7A56887F14B

So  today Karen packed up the car with the final bits and bobs, and she is now in France, with Dylan, and on her way to our house. On Saturday she collects the keys for her rental and she will be over here for at least two months, maybe more, who knows what we will find in our house hunt.

We have a new member of our family, two in fact, and she helps me in the same way as I help her. We are both straight talkers, and so alike, whoever is driving this bus knows what they are doing!! Not only that Karen loves my husband and his mix of madness, and vulnerability at times.

But it does not end there…. In August Jen, another old friend who we have all got close to again over the past year, is coming over for another adventure, travelling on her own, something she has not done for some time! Who knows where life will lead her; and then there is my other dear friend Mary, who has been inspired to sell her home in Herne Bay and go to pastures new in the countryside of England and take that chance. She says I have inspired her, and for that I am truly honored.

So over these last three years, I have read the Tao, learnt to let my ego go, to still be kind (even to arseholes! Oops!).

I have learnt to unlearn all that I had learnt – that material things are not important, and often make you unhappier, to not plan way in advance – you only have this moment that is all you are guaranteed; I have learnt to laugh in the face of adversity, to know that you can survive even when that spin doctor tells you that you can’t. Of course you can you wake up tomorrow and you are still alive! I know the people that count are sitting on my mini-bus and that all the others, whilst of course allowed to have an opinion, are not the ones whose opinions count where I am concerned.

I am thankful every day.

img_1367-2

I have read others stories as part of my book research, and my heart has broken all over again for those people, and I have learnt to just be me, and happy in my own skin.

But most importantly I have learnt that I can touch people with my words, from all over the world. Whilst it is an honor to be in the top twenty expat blogs in France, it is the people who I inspire who make me want to do more and more. For that I thank you all…..

CF0A6D67-67AE-4540-AAC3-BDCFC4D5A9AC

 

Moisy

The woman of lists

05 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by in Reflections, The background story, The continuing adventure

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

Talking about mental health is an important thing to me ever since I had a mini breakdown back in 2014, having burnt myself out in my career.

I worked for the NHS in England and, for my sins, was the Head of the Patient Experience Department in one of the biggest Trusts in England and then headhunted to a failing Trust, to assist in it’s regeneration. What I did not realise was that it would be like stepping back into the 1970’s with regard to working practices and attitude, at times I felt that characters from The Sweeney would come screeching round the corner!

It was, quite simply, shocking!

As my role was to work with and help people who had concerns about their or a loved one’s care, the level of emotion that myself and my team had to deal with was staggering at times. Add to that the emotions of the staff involved with complaints, or the patients whose families had complained, combined with the arrogance of some of the people who worked in a, supposedly, caring environment towards both the patients and their colleagues, including the bullying and lying that I experienced, and it was a highly charged vile environment at times. It was a political environment so I learned to bite my tongue, so it is hardly any wonder that eventually my brain was burnt to a crisp. I have written about this in my post ‘A little bit more about me’.

The problem was that at the time I just did not realise it.

So over the past few weeks mental health has been brought to the fore in the press, and people that I am close to have experienced difficulties due to life changing events, that make you review what life is offering you; in addition a fellow blogger has written openly and honestly about the problems her son, who has autism, has experienced and I thought it was important to step up to the plate and say what has happened to me in the last two weeks.

I will be honest, with my book being considered I wondered whether to rock the boat. But that is just it, we should NOT feel like that, mental health should not be used as something to judge someone by. I have always said that I will write what I fucking want to, because if I worry about what others think then I won’t write anything. After biting my tongue for so long in my shitty career I won’t do that again.

When I was ‘mad’ my counselor told me that I was known as a ‘doer’. This type of person get’s things done, spins hundreds of plates at the same time, juggles many things. But since my illness I can not spin as many as I have in the past.

In addition a ‘doer’ will fill their day getting things done; will see it as a failing if they sit down and do nothing. I had to learn to give myself permission to stop. I was off work nearly six months and after returning decided to leave my career.

So over to the present day: over the past few weeks Rich has been working hard (yey! All good), and it is; but this kick started the ‘doer’ in me. I felt that I would be failing if I was not working all the time he was out of the house, forgetting that I would then be cooking dinner and still working when he got home.

So I would get up with Rich, feed the cats, make the tea, make his sandwich, clean the kitchen, load and unload the dishwasher, put the washing out, load some more washing, make the beds, clean the litter tray, clean the fire, promote my Etsy shop on social media sites, and then sit down and write myself a list of what to do for the day!!

Add to the mix we have friends coming to visit on Sunday ( and don’t get me wrong I cannot wait) and I decided that I should be working harder. I added to my list to erase the mold from the kitchen, and the bedroom they would be staying in (no mean feat!) and then I decided that it was essential to decorate the toilet! In addition I would add things to the list each day; as a friend said to me ‘don’t tell me, if the list isn’t long enough I bet you add to it!’ She was right, I did! I was, quite simply working from 6.30 in the morning until 9 o clock at night by the time I had cooked dinner.

So a week last Sunday Rich said something a bit flippant, something I would normally just say ‘fuck off!’ to. But this time it flicked a switch, and I could feel myself, me ‘positive, reads and follows the Tao Mois, starting to well up with tears. I knew it was stupid, that we were in the best place we have been in for a long time, so why did I want to cry?I sat down in the chair to get a grip, closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and it would not budge. I knew I had to pull myself back so I went upstairs, away from Rich to write my journal. I knew I was in a bad place when my brain started to put me to sleep and I could not write my journal, because that is what happened to me before, I would just fall asleep.

Bless Rich he came upstairs and asked me what was wrong. I answered him honestly and said ‘I don’t know’. Because I didn’t and I hoped that writing my journal would help. Talking to Rich helped, as did talking to my close friend and I knew I was doing too much. I cannot do it anymore and whilst I find it frustrating, it is who I am now. I was forbidden from writing lists and was categorically told that I was not decorating the toilet.

The problem was it had kicked in, my brain was addled again. So during the week when I went to the pharmacy in town I lost my car keys! I had left them in the car! In the ignition! I started to find myself forgetting what I was doing, not being able to find things, and getting angry at the smallest things. All because I kept writing myself fucking lists!!

Now I am writing a different list, remembering what my counselor told me; I am writing a list of what I do, instead of what I hope to do. Just to help people, who I know do the same, here is the list of what I have done today:

Made the tea, fed the cats, fed the chickens, pegged the washing out, put washing in, cleaned the kitchen, unloaded the dishwasher, loaded the dishwasher, made a chilli, promoted my Etsy shop, promoted my blog, rung the publisher, who told me that my book has been referred to another part of the company and to trust them that is a positive and it is still under consideration; washed the mold off the bedroom wall, stripped the beds, cleaned the bathroom, put the ironing away, sorted the bedding out, got the washing in, folded the washing and now I have written this blog!! I am just about to prepare dinner.

But I have allowed myself half hour breaks, to read some blogs, and sat in the spring sunshine with my knitting and a cup of tea for fifteen minutes.

I am writing this for all those doers who don’t see that they achieve more than most people do in a day, it is time you started to see it. I challenge you, write down everything you do, because everything counts, and it will frighten you. So give yourself permission to sit down!!

Look after your mental health, it is so important.

Moisy

A house is not a home….

25 Sunday Mar 2018

Posted by in Reflections, The background story, The continuing adventure, The good life

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Sealsea- (2)

Three years ago yesterday i moved out of my beautiful house, by the sea, to start this adventure. I loved this house, have always said it was the most beautiful house I would ever have the privilege  to live in. Edwardian, with so many original features….

Sealsea-1

I had put my heart and soul into it, worked so hard on it renovating and decorating and making it into our home.

We were so rushed when it came to moving day I do not even remember closing the door for the last time, but I do remember sitting in the pub that night with tears rolling down my face. When my book comes out you will understand why the house,  for Rich (and now, as time has gone by I realise  for me also),  had become contaminated; it could never be the home we thought it would be; and as three years have passed I have come to realise that.

So then we found our house on the pinnacle of the rolling hills that are Ambrieres les Vallees, and we fell in love. For me it was bittersweet, it was not the house I had left, it was not the house that had taken part of my soul. But over the three years, despite the well running dry, the crappy cesspit (literally, all over the cellar floor sometimes!!) and the mold on the walls; it has shown me this …….

I sit in my bedrom and I look out at this my favorite tree and I feel at peace

imageimage

And over the years I have realised that a home is about love, companionship, laughter, and tears; it is not the house, it is the people in it. I look at my husband, and he is happier here. I know neither of us could go back to a house where you could reach out and touch your neighbour, surrounded by people and noise. We are too used to the peacefulness that surrounds us; and I have finally come to realise that I do not miss my old home, it was ONE of the most beautiful houses I lived in; but this is the most beautiful home. It has not taken my soul it has replenished it.

A chair is still a chair, even when there’s no one sittin’ there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there’s no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight

The late great Luther Vandross..

Have a good Sunday folks.

Moisy

You may want to check out my other blog

http://makingthisbetter.com

It may surprise you, and it may give you hope.

Reminisces – January 2015 – packing away

05 Monday Mar 2018

Posted by in Reflections, The background story, The continuing adventure

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Found this as a memory today. A retrospective blog about packing up our house in England for our adventures, showing how hard making this type of decision can be. But now I sit in my home in France and look around the room, and my friend was right: people make a home.

RosiesFrenchadventure.com

Packing away:

I realised as we packed away Thom’s room that we never did get around to changing his carpet!

A Sunday in January

Rich and I sat in the back room today, our snug, with the log fire burning, music playing. I got tearful about leaving our house. It will always be one of, probably the most beautiful houses I have ever had the privilege to live in. But…….We talked about the whole picture, how Herne Bay is a lovely place to live, but if you asked me if I want to live in this town in another ten years the answer would honestly be no.

I am bored with the walk along the beach path. I have done it nearly every day for the past ten years. Life is for embracing new things. There is a whole world out there to see and experience.

One of the deciding…

View original post 281 more words