Category Archives: The background story

A little bit about me – why I won’t be a sheeple.

04 Sunday Oct 2015

Posted by in People, The background story

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

In my first blog I touched on why Rich and I had decided to make the move, have an adventure. Our jobs, being on the hamster wheel, how most people (not all I hasten to add) in the NHS struggled with feedback. So, I think that before I post any more I explain a little bit more about me, and also explain about sheeples.

A sheeple is a term to describe herd behaviour in people (we all know the reference to sheep when everyone just follows the crowd.) It describes those who voluntarily acquiesce to suggestions without any thought or analysis of their own. These people tend to take these statements at face value, especially if it is cited in mainstream media (look at Facebook recently) or religion. These people tend to me conformist people.

Or as I look at it sometimes people who don’t want to rock the boat, life is easier to not rock the boat.

I’m not a conformist!

So my story:

I have always worked with the public. I did enjoy it, I still do when it is just me dealing with the public and with no politics attached. But as my role in the NHS changed I began to enjoy it less and less where my career in the NHS was concerned. Mainly because I could not help the people that I was there to help. Help them find answers, to understand what had happened to them, or someone that they loved dearly. I wanted to help them but I just kept coming up against defensiveness, brick walls, and hostility. At times the lack of compassion from some of my colleagues within any of the organisations that I worked was mind blowing. Especially when my working environment was meant to be a “caring” environment

I have been patronised in front of members of the public by people who, quite simply, had no concept of how this made them look. I have been sworn at in public places by senior members of staff when I challenged them , I have heard one too many times that the “outcome was inevitable”!

Whether it was because the NHS is such a political environment, or whether it was because people felt that they could not rock the boat because,as I have had said too me many times,  “they had mortgages to pay”, or whether it was simply because people were following the “crowd” mentality I do not know. But I learnt to bite my tongue, I challenged, I questioned but in the end I was told to “keep my head down”.   I did that for too long, when, in fact, the behaviours that I was experiencing and witnessing were quite simply wrong, and I should have challenged them more.

Those who know me know that I am not one to follow the crowd, and although I did it for too long I could never become a fully fledged sheeple. That’s why I left and why I could never go back.

Why have I told you all this?

I am now going to write, and I am not going to bite my tongue. If I feel the need to write something in my blog I will. I will never name people but I will at times highlight behaviours good and bad (or not depending on your viewpoint) but those that drive me mad and and those that have made me laugh.

Let me give you an example. Rich is registered for work, as a handyman and general chores that include mowing lawns. I replied to an advert placed by someone that needed some work doing. I then received a pm from someone else asking me to register him on a website over here, for specific roles. Telling me “it would be great” if I could do this, to add insult to injury it finished with a “thanks” which implied that said person thought I was going to do what I had been asked (or told, which was the underlying tone) because I must,  and would feel the need to follow the crowd. I don’t!  Sorry to all if they are going to be disappointed but I am not a “follow the crowd” kind of girl. I am not a Sheeple.

I considered the message and decided against registering, or replying.

On a positive note I also asked on a website about a good place to buy logs. I had a couple of initial replies, one from a very funny lady who made me laugh with her comments and with who I had a good and funny conversation via Facebook, she even taught me something about logs and the meaning of the terms that you used re the size of your order.  She signed off signed off with “here endeth your first French lesson”. Made me laugh.

After that I stepped out of the conversation as everyone who then joined it seemed to be taking it so seriously. I had bought my logs – thank you to that lady.

I think that it is important that I explain to all of my readers, that at times I will rock the boat on my blog. It is part of the reason I signed up for a blog. It may upset some people, but no-one will be easily identifiable so if you recognise yourself I don’t really know what to say, how do you know I am talking about you?

The other is, I hope, to give courage and spark to those that are thinking about jumping out of the boat and having an adventure. Remember I am living life as if someone left the gate open, and that means that I am going to be honest in my writing, because otherwise I would be lying about the great adventure if it was all happiness and cup cakes!

Sometimes in life you just need to tell people to f*** off!

I hope that most will respect that, will appreciate my honesty, because quite simply I am no longer shackled by convention where work is concerned. I hope that the majority of my readers enjoy someone saying what they possibly want to say but may not be able to, or feel able to. I am free  I AM NOT A SHEEPLE!!!

Thanks for listening

Moisy

 

Common questions and remarks about our adventure

21 Tuesday Jul 2015

Posted by in People, The background story

≈ 1 Comment

I found that when I told people about my plans they (though it is important to say not all) invariably said one or all of the following:

“Do you like France?”

I wanted to say ” No I Am going there because I hate it!”

Instead I said “Yes!”

“Can you speak French?”

I wanted to say ” A little but that is part of the adventure.”

Instead I said “A little, but I can learn.”

This was often met with looks of disbelief?

However the  most incredulous has to be:

“What will you do when it all goes wrong?”

Seriously! Who is to say it will all go wrong? Why do people naturally assume that? That’s what I wanted to say, or

“Oh no what will I do? might it all go wrong”

Instead I said “who is to say it will all go wrong?” This normally shut them up at this stage.

I have been told by some people that people say this because they care about you. Really?! The people who have said this never seemed to care about me in any obvious way when I was living my life on the hamster wheel!

My advice to anyone who will think of taking an adventure in the future is understand that these people are afraid because you will be, by your actions, making people think about their lives; and for some reminding them that they are standing still. Therefore to justify their existence, to themselves because you’re not asking, they will ask you this stupid question.

One of the other common coments was “I hate the French”. To which I would say “do you know any French people?” They would say ” Oh no I have never been to France”.

!!!!!!!!!!!

i would then say “So how do you know that you hate the French?” Often met with a dumb silence, or the comment ” oh I just do”.

Not all people were like this, but I hope this post has made you laugh, just at the ridiculousness of what people say.

We have had fantastic comments, but sadly from a lot less people, mainly:

” I admire you, I couldn’t do it but wished I could”

” You have made us think”

“Good luck to you, knowing you both as we do we know you will make a success of it.”

So I would like to thank all those who wished us well, of which there were many, not least on Facebook, but a special thanks to:

Our fantastic joint best friend Nic, who has never doubted us for a minute.

Our beautiful friend Mary, and Den, the O.B, both of who you will hear more about often. We couldn’t have done it without them, and they are coming over soon with a camper van of stuff for us!

Jo and Mike, for always listening, looking after our plants, and supporting us even though they did not want us to stop being their neighbours, ever.

Last, but never least our wonderful friend Terri, who encouraged us all the way, and inspired us with her Cornish adventure.

And yes I am writing this whilst sitting in the garden, in temperatures of 28 degrees at 8pm in the evening.

Sante everyone.

Moisy

The story

19 Sunday Jul 2015

Posted by in The background story

≈ 2 Comments

This is for those people who may read my blog and think that they could never do it, never make that move.

For over eight years Rich and I fell in love with France since our first visit in 2007. But we had a son who was eighteen at the time, and his friend who also lived with us of the same age. When they left home to go to uni in 2011 I suddenly realised why people felt so strange when their kids left home.

We had a beautiful Edwardian house in Herne Bay in Kent in a road that led down to the sea. It was idyllic and I know that most people would ask why we decided to move. The house was big, we realised over the years since the boys left home that we hardly used any of the rooms in it. We felt caught on the hamster wheel, having to work long hours, for people that were frankly at time arseholes, some days getting up at 3.30am so that Rich could go to work as a delivery driver for a building firm for £7.50 an hour! My job, as Head of Patient Experience and then as a Patient Experience Manager for a well known failing NHS Trust was thankless. Dealing with members of the public whose lives had been changed forever and who were understandably distraught to people whose expectations were so high they could not be met; added to that the feeling that once someone had raised concerns it was the responsibility of the PALS or Complaints Department, and not those who had caused the concern in the first place! It quite simply made me ill. To keep our house we had to stay on the hamster wheel, and we started to feel was it really worth it?

We knew that life in rural France was vastly different, simpler. No we would not have lots of money, but we would not need it! We needed a simpler life, a change of pace., but at the same time we also needed a challenge.

It was not easy. I loved my house, and I was truly lucky to have lived in it. After the offer had been agreed last November I found myself often with eyes full of tears, stroking the walls, not believing that I was giving her up.

continually reminding myself that it would be the “last trip to Canterbury”, the “last walk along the beach.” Leaving our neighbours was hard as they were, and still are, our very close friends.

But all I can say to people is  do you want to continue to live the life you are living? Are you happy? Do you want to be where you are in ten years time? For us Herne Bay had a large number of elderly residents (although new families were moving in and it was changing) whose houses were falling down around them, and we knew that we did not want to stay and “wait for God.” There was a big world out there and we wanted to make that change, live our life and see where life took us.

I am a true believer that life will show you the way. I hope that you will enjoy our journey, warts and all.

Moisy