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Category Archives: Friends

A reminder:

08 Monday Apr 2019

Posted by in Friends, People, Reflections

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I do truly believe that life shows you the way. I know that some people will roll their eyes, but have you ever considered that for all the planning you do, for all the organising and lists and preparation for the future does it work out as you planned? Ever?

So with this in mind I want to write about my dear friend Rod Clarricoats. In January when I wrote my blog I said how a dear friend had been immediately there for me. ( read here ) I said how this person was an old friend the type that is just there in the background. I had not spoken directly to Rod for over thirty years, but he found me on FB many years ago and when I needed him, without prompting, he messaged me at a dark time. That was Rod: always there for you when you needed him, always kind.

I have said in  my post how he made me think about where I was and how lucky I was, and when I told him he was always a kind bugger he responded by saying that he was a now ‘a kind old bugger.’ He was the same age as me: fifty six.

We messaged each other a  few more times in February and he asked about the campsite I was thinking of setting up: and told me that he would be in France this summer and if he could he would come to visit.

Yesterday I found out through FaceBook that Rod died on Friday morning. I am ashamed to say that I had not seen his post on Facebook: a meme about not letting cancer win. From what his family have written Rod acquired an infection and died quickly. I was so shocked.

He had never told me that he was ill, he had still simply been there for me all these years later and now he was gone.

Years ago when we were at college together, and going to Soul Weekenders in Essex in England, Rod was one of my bestest friends: when my heart was broken he would pick me up and take me out; and even when I moved to Wolverhampton with my future husband (not the one I have now) he would visit my mum; sometimes being a bugger and taking a different girl each time! Over time we lost touch, our lives took different paths and Rod moved to Wales with his family. From his posts on Facebook he was a happy man, blessed with a loving family.

We met at college: we were never an item but I know that one of the things he loved about me was my strength of character. It was the beginning of the eightees so there we would be in our two tone jeans. I can remember arriving at college one day as the older year had finished their exams and leaving and there was Rod: with all his friends in the thick of it throwing flour, and shaving foam. As it progressed they bought eggs and cornered my dear friend Aud and I in the ‘girls’ loos and decided to ‘make us into a cake!’ Don’t get me wrong we had given as good as we got! I also remember my broken heart and Rod taking me and Aud to the pub on a Sunday night; and telling the said perpetrator of my broken heart to ‘sod off’ because he wouldn’t leave me alone. That was Rod!

So I am writing this post because Rod has reminded me (as he did in January) that you have to make the most of life; because you never know what it has planned for you.  I have many jobs to do around the house but I need to write and get my book out there. I feel that urgent need now because life really is too short.  With life showing me the way from the messages and contacts about what I have written it is important to help others in times of difficulty. I will dedicate my book to Rod.

I have cried for a man that I hadn’t seen in thirty years, and I am crying now, because I realise that I have lost one of the good people who have been in my life. If he were here he would tell me to shut up and get on with it, whilst giving me cuddle at the same time.

So Rod: you’ve inspired me to get this done. Thank you my friend.

Au revoir (because I know we will meet again one day.)

Moisy

freindship for Rod

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Aperitifs, birthdays and champagne

27 Sunday Jan 2019

Posted by in Food in France, Friends, Simple things, The continuing adventure

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It’s been a strange couple of weeks, my sister turned sixty (60!!!) on the 18th of January and it made me realise as I turned 56 last Friday the 25th just how time is of the essence. But more of that in future blogs.

One of the best things about living here is that we are blessed with wonderful French neighbours; out of all the arseholes we have met over the years on this adventure none of them are French!

Our neighbours knew that things had been difficult for Rich and I, and my darling friend Martine knew it was my birthday, so a couple of Sundays ago they rang our bell and invited us for aperitifs at their house on the 18th (my sisters birthday). It was so lovely of them, and it made me feel better because I couldn’t get to see my sister on this landmark birthday (that is all part of the adventure, but I am sad I missed it).

On the evening of the 18th our neighbours and friends Marc and Nadia picked us up, and when we got to Martine and Michel’s home the assortment of aperitifs was amazing: mussels, stuffed cherry tomatoes, olives, little hot dog balls, spinach in pastry, so many things!) Out came the champagne and I found myself, in my basic French, conversing with my French friends about politics, and language.

We laughed about the hot dog balls being called knackers! Explained the dual meaning of that word in the English language which made them laugh, and this led to a conversation about the word for testicles in French! They have a fantastic sense of humour and really are lovely people.

Fast forward to my birthday, I had given myself a gift of a day of doing nothing: no logs, no new FB sites, no ironing, washing, writing, no promotion of my book and blogs on social media, nada! In the early evening I did venture out to the postbox and Marc called me. We were invited to their house for champagne, and when we arrived there was a big bunch of flowers waiting for me. The time flew by, as it always does with them and it really made my day. Hubby cooked me a Mexican so hot I couldn’t eat it, and it was the day I wanted, with some added extras along the way.

But I am at a crossroads……

Is it my age?

Moisy

I’m back!

17 Thursday Jan 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, Friends, People, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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Over the years I have shared with you the mental health problems that I experienced after working many years for the NHS – it is often said of that institution that it can chew people up and spit them out – or burn them out as it did in my case; that is true, and that is why you will not find me to be an overly excited supporter. Sadly I have seen it warts and all!

In the same way that I do not think that infidelity or heartbreak should be hidden under the carpet, I do not think that mental health should not be discussed either. But this post is slightly different this post is about how I have now come full circle and realised that the parts of me that have been suppressed are in fact exactly what I need to survive out here for now; perhaps that has been part of the lesson to know that the my strength is an assett!

Over the past few months I have come to realise that when I first came to live here I was still ill; it had been less than a year since I had first become ill, and looking back I had been optimistic to think that I was back to firing on all cylinders.

But add to that moving to a new country, the house not being what we thought (everything leaked, the cesspit, did not only not conform it was inside the cellar and leaked into the cellar, the heating did not work, you may want to see some of my old posts) and our son not talking to us it was a tough time.

Despite all of that we had the excitement of a new life to keep us going. It was all new and I accepted whatever life offered: I embraced the autumn and the winters, and as time went by I learned that, to quote the Tao, where there is bad there is good and where there is good there is bad. I understand fully that there cannot be one without the other. But…..

Over this year, and mainly towards the end, I have realised that I have turned into my mum! She was always a caring and giving lady, and followed the life rule of ‘don’t do unto others as you would not want done unto you’.  But, sadly, other people do not have the same adage: so you keep doing good things for them and they keep takng them!  I have found (as I have written about before) that the saying ‘people see your kindness as a weakness’ is a truer adage. This philosophy towards life, and the constant disappointments, eventually over time  made my mum ill, because people were unkind to her often and she could not understand why, when she was only kind to them.

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Now I have always been a kind of fiesty girl and when I was younger and my mum cried I used to tell her to just tell them to ‘fuck off!’ But I was young then, and over time and during  my career I developed a high level of empathy; but sadly too much and that is what made me ill. Slowly over the years I have taken on the attribute that my mum had, I became an empath; it was bad enough that I was taken advantage of in England but  since living here it has taken on a whole new level! Add to that the philosophy of the Tao: that we should see the good in everyone, and be kind to everyone that I tried to adhere to and on this adventure, and  I was on a hiding to nothing! With the exception of literally a handful of people, I have had to learn a lot of hard lessons. I have learnt that most (not all) people are also surviving and to do that they will treat you with suspicion if you are kind, and they will do what they need to do to survive; and if that means fucking you over: then so be it. God knows I have seen that often enough.

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I understand that it becomes a vicious circle: because everyone else has been stabbed in the back they become wary, and then they stab people in the back and so it goes on and on in an ever decreasing circles; I am not saying that I will automatically stab people in the back, I’m just not that sort of person, I am a more upfront person who says it to your face! So now, as I have said in previous posts, I am not going to lower my tolerance level and if my gut is screaming at me about someone I am not going to give them the benefit of the doubt. Not anymore!

But you see the crux is that I am not an easy person to get to know. I am kind, anyone who reads my other blog and the comments that I share with others will know that I also try to be measured and I have learnt to see both sides of the story; but I can also be very direct, and not give a shit if I get pissed off. I have tried to suppress that part of my personality but now I don’t want to; now I am inspired, now I am going to do what we need to do to survive and if that means fucking people off then so be it. Bring it on! Where my life out here is concerned I need to stop. We need to survive and I need to go back to the Moisy that I used to be: If you put my back up against the wall I will come out fighting and I will not be beaten.

I have learnt a lot about the narcissist and how they target people with high levels of empathy and integrity; in fact I think that it is fair to say that I can probably spot one at a fifty mile radius now; and this time I will not be so quick to give them the benefit of the doubt if the alarm bells are ringing. Correction: There is no benefit of doubt with a narcissist you just have to detach yourself and walk away. Or shall I? Fuck it! Shall I have a game?

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As I write this post and reflect I have come to the decision that sadly I need to just be fiesty old me; those who really love me still will, those that don’t won’t! I forgot my own lesson of the mini bus of life! So I have stopped calling people to see if they are okay, I am back on my mini bus with the right people, and given that there is fourteen seats, six of them are empty – remembering my philosophy that is about right! The mini bus of life

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So as I told my sister of yet another horror story of people we had encountered the other day I found fiesty old me talking to her; I judged them (correctly, but something that the Tao  does not advocate): I knew that they were trying to get something for nothing because they thought we would do anything for the money. they were wrong! Not anymore! They got told no. Or as I said to my sister they can fuck off!!

But really what I did was use all the skills I have learnt over the years when considering them: The tell tale signs, from their behaviour, that all was not well in their mind, or with the family set up (they tried to hard to appear happy!) ; the boastfullness of their character; the fact that they wanted to tell me many stories of what they had acheived, and what they had got, and I could see it. Was it judging? Maybe. But for me it was listening to the warning signs and not giving people the benefit of the doubt any more.

What has this got to do with being on an adventure? Perhaps part of this type of adventure is finding yourself again, and this time using it!

As my sister said ‘Thenk God! The Bitch is back!’

Yes she is; it has only taken five years, and she feels good!

Moisy

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Counting My Blessings: Day 8

31 Monday Dec 2018

Posted by in Friends, People, Reflections, Simple things, The continuing adventure

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“Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.” 
… It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision – it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

We have been taught some hard lessons, after coming here to live in France; but after all isn’t that why you go an adventure, to learn?

Over the past month I have been taught the lesson of integrity. I have written before about empathy and kindness and conscientiousness  but for me I have never thought that you could have too much integrity; after all isn’t it true that if everyone had integrity most of the ‘ills’ in the world would go?

Can you have too much Kindness, Empathy, or Conscientiousness?

But, sadly,  I have come to realise that I have too much integrity, and that I need to start to put myself first with some people, and listen to my gut when it tells me to. Despite  that this lesson contributes to  my blessing today: Friendship – real friendship that I have only come to realise I have because of the lesson I have been taught about integrity! Life moves in mysterious ways doesn’t it?

So my small blesssing of friendship, whether it be with friends that you have made along the way in life, or friends from within your family, is about the people who want nothing from you but  support when they need it, and who offer you support all the way.

I have good friends, not least of them my husband; and I have good friends who have stayed with us on this adventure and supported us in every way. Over this last year we have also become part of a group of like-minded people who just want to help each other; none of the normal back stabbing that goes on; but have simply been there for us, offering work, finding Rich work, and inviting us into their fold; just listening when you needed them to. That is a blessing, and this year seems to be the year when we have finally found like-minded real people with no agenda. It has been a hard slog to get here; but to quote T.S Elliott we have found people where this has happened when we have talked to them:

“What? You too? I thought I was the only one.” 

To see my husband come home from work every day and giggle about his day has been a blessing; and it is these people who have enabled that. Here they all are at their Christmas ‘do’ and you can see the camaraderie from the picture.

 We have been to countless gatherings over this season, gatherings where people would ‘give you the top brick off the chimney’, and we have been blessed for that. Perhaps that has been the gift of the season: For us to meet people like this; because we made two new friends on Saturday that serendipity had stepped in and sent our way. I truly felt that moment of ‘what you too?’ with them.

There have also been my cyber community of friends, those who share each other’s posts because they think they are so good others should read them; those who send small words of comfort, even though I have never actually met them – I know that to have you in my life I am blessed.

Then let us not forget the old friends, some who have come back on the scene only recently who need me now as they were there for me, and I will be there.

Our French friends who have embraced us inti their lives, words cannot begin to describe their kindness.

Then there are the ones with whom we had great fun this summer, and laughed every day, nearly all day.

But this is my final friendship blessing:-My Sister, who I have come to realise (finally) truly only wants the best for me; and tries so hard to keep to the promise she made. I know that now, and I will never forget that again.

We can’t let the past dictate our present and future, we have to see what we have now, because that is the only moment.

So this is my blessing lets raise a toast on this New Years Eve to real friends, new and old.

Moisy

It’s New Year folks a time for reflection, please share this thread and let’s get everyone counting their blessings.

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The last weekend of the mad summer

17 Friday Aug 2018

Posted by in Change is a coming, Friends, My family and other furry creatures, People, The continuing adventure, The good life, The seasons

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Farewell my summer love, Farewell

And so it has come to the last weekend before Dyls and Karen go back to England, I won’t say home…….

So here we sit, with homemade mojitos, that still need perfecting, and my pink gin and lemonade, a big shout out to my dear friend Russell, and the detriments on the table of all the things that Dylan, the naughty dog, has bought out to the garden ; and we are sad, but also excited about what the future may hold.

The weather is reflecting the end of our summer and when we got up this morning there was an autumnal nip in the air; Persephone will be leaving soon I feel.

So here is to our last weekend, a bbq with friends, a vide grenier, meetings over roast dinner and plans for the future.

I am sad…..

Moisy

Farewells

15 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Change is a coming, Friends, People, The continuing adventure, The good life, The seasons

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‘Nobody on the road,

nobody on the beach

I feel it in the air

The summers out of reach…’

Don Henly..

A week ago a dear friend bought me these flowers from his garden. We had invited him and Matt our young French friend around for a bbq, we wanted them to meet Jenny and Karen and despite the thunderstorm that hit just as we were serving the food a wonderful evening was had by all.

But as with anything in life everything must change, and our holiday has been and gone, Jenny has flown back to England and my flowers have died.

To finish the last few days of Jenny’s holiday and to celebrate Karen’s birthday we visited the vide grenier at Evron on Sunday, and found it’s beautiful medieval church and monastery and a small little bar in the square, a rare thing in rural France to find a French bar open! We were so excited we sat there for a couple of hours drinking in the atmosphere, and ruby beer of course!

As you can see we had a typical French time, beer and baguette!

We meandered our way home and sat in the garden star gazing, and drinking wine (no! I hear you cry!) and had a supper of minted lamb chops, chips, peas and tomatoes …….mmmmmmmmm.

For Jen’s final day we took her to Fourgeries, I did say recently we have decided we should visit more often….. we are looking forward now to visiting this breathtaking city in all seasons, with the different colours that they bring to the old French buildings.

As with rural France in August everything shuts for the vacances, so our plans to eat were scuppered and I rustled up a mean spaghetti bolognaise and garlic bread with some help from the girls when we got back home.

And then that was it! After all the weeks of building up Jen was going back home; and we are left with the memories of the last ten days, with the laughter echoing around the garden. It really has been brilliant….

It is as if the weather knows that our mad, crazy, wonderful days of summer are coming to an end; the sun is not showing it’s face until the evening, and, although it is warm it feels kinda sad. Only six days to go and Karen will be on her way, where has that time gone?

But I know that, sad as I am, we have to let go to make way for new things, nothing can stay the same; and as if to remind me, my husband bought me some new flowers for our wedding anniversary yesterday, just as I let go of the old the new came in the door.

There is lots to tell you soon…… and there will be lots of change, so keep reading folks, things are starting to get busy…..

Moisy

Another birthday, and a reminder that the summer is slipping away…

12 Sunday Aug 2018

Posted by in Change is a coming, Friends, The continuing adventure, The good life

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Summer soft

Wakes you up with a kiss to start the morning off

In the midst of herself playing Santa Clause

She brings gifts through her breeze

Morning rain

gently plays her rhythms on your window pain

giving you no clue of when she plans to change

to bring rain or sunshine…….

Summer soft, Stevie Wonder

And we are home. The weather seems to feel the sadness that is touching the edges of our world now it is overcast, and the sun is struggling to get through.

We always knew that our little holiday, that seemed so far away, would mark the downward spiral to our mad summer ending; and that Karen and the Dylly monster would then be going home; and now Jen leaves on Tuesday and Karen and Dylly Dyls will be leaving the week after next.

Yesterday we decided to leave Saint Gilles Croix de Vie behind and forego our sardines because you simply could not move for people. All of France tends to holiday in August and all of France seemed to be heading to the Vendee! We thought that we would find a little village to have lunch, but only armed with sat navs and no maps we could not find a route through any pretty villages and eventually headed home.

What we all realised when we got back was how much we had missed the peace and quiet. Dylan had missed doing zoomies around the garden because as soon as she was let of the lead she just ran and ran.

It was good to be home.

We all agreed though that we would return to the Vendee but for three nights next time and earlier in the year, before French holiday season kicks in; and that our favourite part of the trip had been the day in the beach bar; even the dogs were chilled.

But today is a new day and a new adventure is waiting. It’s Karen’s birthday and we are all of to a vide grenier, and the little treasures that will be waiting there. Followed by an afternoon and evening in the garden with mojitos, prosecco, minted lamb chops and chips!

I know, live each day, and don’t think about the end, it may never come!

Enjoy your Sunday folks.

Moisy

Time flies when you’re having fun

11 Saturday Aug 2018

Posted by in Friends, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The good life

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I cannot believe that we are on our last day of our sojourn to the Vendee in France already; or that Jenny is now a week into her stay.

Our first night in the Vendee was just a bit too busy for us, so yesterday, after numerous coffees and a chaotic breakfast, we prepared for an adventure to the beach, or Grand Plage.

The temperature has cooled slightly, it only hit thirty two yesterday! But we walked to the far end of the beautiful promenade and found a boho beach hut and bar. Shabby, welcoming and not many people going past we spend a blissful five hours there. The dogs were chilled, the ambience was chilled, the cocktails were great

We were on holiday for the first time in four years! The vista was breathtaking, and the breeze was cool; and boy did we catch the sun!

After lunch of mango curry chicken burger, we made our way back to the hotel and relaxed by the pool, drinking wine, and having nibbles. It was such a chilled day we finished it off by eating takeaway Pizza on the terrace.

Superb!!!

More to come, I am off to enjoy sardines by the beach.

Moisy

We’re all going on a summer holiday

09 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by in Friends, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The good life

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No more working for a week or two (or a day or two!)

Fun and laughter on our summer holidays

No more worries for me or you for a week or two ( or a day or two!)

So we have arrived in the Vendee, an area in France where the French holiday. After much driving down dirt tracks, courtesy of the sat nav! Much swearing from my husband and a McDonalds (we’re on holiday! It has to be done when in a road trip, other burgers are available!) we arrived at our pretty little Ibis, with it’s indoor pool, and the sun is shining.

So off we went, without our map, and got lost! So back we came and opened the wine, fed the puppies, ate crisps, painted our toenails (yep Rich has gone for a pale pink!) and are sitting on our terrace.

We are soon to shower and change for a venture into the town, and a lovely fish dinner by the church in the square.

More to come folks…..

Keep reading

Moisy

A new member to the gang, hot steamy weather and lots and lots of furniture!

06 Monday Aug 2018

Posted by in Friends, My home, The continuing adventure

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‘It was a hot afternoon

On the last day of June

and the sun was a demon

The clouds were afraid

One ten in the shade

and the pavement was steamin…’

Bobby Goldsboro

Our new compadre Jenny has joined the gang, and yesterday we spent a lovely afternoon doing all the classic things you do when in France, eat cheese, drink wine, and dip in the pool. We sat long into the evening listening to the barn owl hoot, and it’s baby reply, watched the stars in the clear sky, with not a hint of any light pollution totally chilled.

As you can see there was lots of furniture in the garden because we have visited the Emaus again and have completely refigured our kitchen all for less than one hundred euro!

The weekend was manic, after purchasing our second vintage sideboard Rich and I worked hard into the night emptying the cupboards in the old unit (which will be repainted and put in the living room, but that is another story, for another day!) and reconfiguring the whole kitchen. All before picking Jen up from the airport the next day. We simply ran out of time and all the old furniture was just dumped in the garden.

My kitchen now looks huge and I cannot wait to paint the beautiful sideboards and give them a new start in their lives. There is something about old furniture with the beautiful detailed workmanship on it that cannot be replicated and I know they will look stunning.

I also have the top of one of the units that is going to be hung above my kitchen sink. Word of advice: Open shelving and the countryside don’t mix, unless you want to wash everything three times a week, and find dead heeby jeebies in your bowls every time you come to use them!

So this will be painted white, with the detailing dry brushed in blue, and lights placed in the centre, and it will look stunning but it is safe to say we have our work cut out!

So we woke this morning to a steaming hot day, real feel thirty six and not a breeze to be felt; and what are Rich and the girls doing? Moving the furniture into the barn! Les Anglais eh?!

My kitchen cabinet, that I painted all those years ago, has been moved for now, it never really fitted the kitchen anyway! And it made me giggle remembering how many things have I had in this space now: My log cabinet, when it was a cupboard, butchers block, chest of drawers that I painted pink, which is now green and in the bedroom! And my nineteen thirties cabinet! Poor Rich, he has the patience of a saint and a wife whose mind changes like the seasons!

I could not help with the moving because I cannot carry heavy or awkward things easily now due to the osteoarthritis that I have in my hands, so,bless the girls, they helped Rich carry this furniture to the barn, and unload the beautiful cabinet that was purchased a couple of weeks ago from his van. Off they went like the Marx Brothers, Karen being Groucho and coordinating the walk, left right, left right, left right, Rich being Harpo and acting the clown! Our neighbours were finding it highly amusing, and clearly think we are mad.

So after all the exertion we plan to have an afternoon of spa like activities and getting in the pool. All to take place after a few errands are run, and Croque Madame has been consumed…..

Followed by a banana split.

I’m the chef, it’s the least I can do!

Have a good day folks.

Moisy