This is the story of how I learned how we all live in The Truman Show. It took a long time.

This is also a story of how I have learned as I have got older what is important. Of not letting anything ‘define’ me. After all if I won enough on the Lottery, I wouldn’t work at all. How many of us say that?

Over the years I have had two careers. I worked my way up in the Civil Service in the UK, becoming a manager, and then I went on to become the Head of The Patient Experience Team for a large NHS Trust in the UK.

After working in the Civil Service for 14 years, ‘Life’ decided to step in, in her own indomitable way, and make me make changes.

I finally found the strength to leave a marriage I should never have entered into (again ‘Life’ had given me all the clues, but I didn’t understand then, so I didn’t listen.) But I didn’t leave my job, I just hunkered down because I needed it, along with the money I was earning as an aerobic instructor, teaching 3 nights a week. I believed I needed it to keep the proverbial wolf from the door.

There I was, a single parent for just over a year, working all the hours God sent. So ‘Life’ decided to teach me one of the hardest lessons of all, one that she would come to repeat over in my life, until I finally listened. My Dad had a stroke, and 4 months later my mum developed an aggressive form of cancer and passed away 2 months after that. During that time ‘Life’ added another lesson, just to build my resilience, I learned something that made me feel truly alone in the world. I was not part of a unit, as I thought I was. In that unit only my Mum was my ally, and then ‘Life’ took her as well. All of this happened in the space of 2 years. Nothing is forever.

When my Mum died my sub-conscious said out loud how I had lost ‘the greatest ally I ever had.’ One of ‘Life’s’ messages was when my mum rang me from her intensive care bed, just after I had put Tom, who was seven at the time, to bed, after a full days work and an evening teaching aerobics. She had called to say how she would be coming back to look after Tom for me, and put him to bed whilst I taught aerobics. I remember sitting on the floor of my hall, in my leotard, after the call had ended, and crying big tears. We had already been told my Mum was not going to survive. Nothing lasts forever.

My Mum was a key figure in Tom’s life. She was going to leave a huge hole, that , to be honest, could never be filled. I sat on that floor and realised that I was just working, apart from reading Tom his bed time story, I had no time for tickles, or playing. Just work. I needed to make change.

As always ‘Life’ opened the door for me, redundancies were made available, and I decided to leave a career I had been in for over 15 years. Another reminder that nothing is forever.

I met RD the year after my Mum died, I truly believe she sent him to me. I stayed off work for 2 years. But then the proverbial wolf came back, we live in the Truman show after all, and I went back to work.

For 7 years my careers were mainly in admin, where I learned a lot from a fabulous Office Manager named Chris. Another person who was sent my way. I am still friends with her now.

As seemed to be the way I moved up to Personal Assistant roles, and then on to Execute Assistant for the Medical Director and Assistant Director of Nursing. When I look back they were my happiest times. I work hard, am conscientious and methodical and I was only responsible for me. But then ‘The War’ broke out in our lives.

As a result I moved further up the career ladder. I believed I had to find ‘me’ again. Little did I know I was simply trying to find something to define me. I know now that nothing should define us. Not our family, not our relationships, not our career. We should just ‘be’.

So I went back to Managerial roles, eventually working my way up to be the Head of a Department. That job consumed me. Eventually it made me ill. I know now it was because I thought it was part of me, who I was. What a fucking idiot I was!

As anyone who reads this blog knows, the adventures then began.

Since moving to Ireland, I have always worked full time. But as we get older we find that we can no longer start renovating when we get home, we’re just too knackered. We found that we lost a day in our weekend shopping, the next day cleaning, because we were too tired in the week. And there we were again, back on the proverbial hamster wheel. Back in The Truman Show.

When we lost Harley and Wiglet, and Diddies, in 2022 we were reminded that we had taken things for granted, again! They were always going to be with us, we could do that tomorrow. And then they were gone. Nothing lasts forever.

RD went part time, down to 4 days a week, whilst I remained full time. But all he seemed to do was the shopping, so he could support me, and was getting more and more frustrated with the long list of jobs he had to do. We felt guilty taking any time out, and I found I could never just ‘be’. No time to sit in the summer house and read, or just watch the birds. No time to play with the puppies.

RD went down to 3 days a week. But I stopped working from home,and went back out into the workplace. I started to go to a chiropractor, eating into my weekend time, and had no time for exercise to support the Chiropractor’s work. I had learned one lesson, my job no longer defined me, it was a means to earn money, I am in The Truman Show, and I found solace in reminding myself of that.

I knew, as I came up to 63, I needed to find time for myself, and for us. Time is passing by so quickly, time is our precious commodity. We can live on jacket potatoes if we need to. There was a constant nagging thought coming through from my sub-conscious that I needed to go part time.

Then I became ill. ‘Life’ was back with her lessons.

I had 3 months off work, and became despondent because finding part time work here in Ireland was so difficult. The few roles there were clearly already had people lined up, or those involved were intimidated by my experience. People are defined by their roles, they think everyone else wants to outshine them. They could not understand that I wanted to come in, do a good job and go home. No promotions, no point scoring, no nothing. I want to have enough to live comfortably, use my skills, and do a good job (for my own mental health) and then go home.

Then RD’s company asked if I would do some work for them! I now get to travel with him every day, which is good for his mental health, and it is a long journey. (He may disagree. LOL) We only spend out for 1 tank of fuel, and I work 3 days a week from 8 until 3.30. In line with RD. ‘Life’ sent me what I needed.

It’s a basic admin job. I crack on, I learned my lesson in my last role and stay out of all politics, and then I go home.

And every day as we set off at just before 7am, I say we live in the Truman Show, but I now only have to live in it 3 days a week!

Moisy