…..With five cats, two without teeth!! And two mad Welshies…….
Monday: Get woken up by Wiglet the Welshie barking at the neighbours car that she hears every morning, but, for some reason thinks that they are going to kill us so she has to warn us all and wake us up!!
With no central heating it is essential I pull on socks and slippers, put on fleecy dressing gown and put the heater on in the bedroom. Off I go to make our first cup of tea in the morning. As I enter the living room I ensure that I put the light on, we have shutters so our room is pitch black, and our cats seem to take great delight in murdering as many mice as they can in one night; and there is normally a disemboweled mouse on the floor. I make my way around the dead bodies and into the kitchen to a choir of meowing cats all wanting breakfast – sod the poor mice they are dead after all!!
I put the kettle on first!! Feed the caterwauling cats and then go back in to the late departed mice with my grabber to throw them in the ditch – I am sure something will want to eat them.
I go back into the kitchen to a cacophony of cats calling out for milk and cream. I let the dogs in and feed four of the cats milk and cream (imagine an Iles Flottant) and then have to give it to the Welshies as well.
Peace – all is well with the world, lots of lapping, silence, and I get to have my tea.
Tuesday: Wiglet the alarm clock goes off and I get up – see above for slippers, and attire; I make my way down the stairs, cannot get to the door at the bottom because I have two Welshies, and a black and white fluffy cat standing in the way. I give up and go to the loo instead, where the cat proceeds to scratch at the door and shout at me to get out – sometimes I feel like Gerald Durrel, and his mad family in Corfu!
I come out of the loo open the door, put the light on and think eureka no mice!!! Then I tread on something hard that turns out to be a mouses nose!!! Seriously are they not a delicacy?
Said routine in kitchen goes ahead only this time it is joined by Harley deciding that he wants to eat the cat food, and Wiglet deciding that she wants to growl at him!!
I calm everyone down with the Iles Flottant of milk and cream – aaaaaa peace. I light the gas fire, call the snoring husband and have my first cup of tea. I have been up over half an hour now!!
Wednesday: Wiglet is snoring and does not hear the neighbour – hooray!! But she does hear the cats banging about downstairs about five minutes later than normal and proceeds to hare down the stairs with Harley in hot pursuit. I know that the cats just do it to wind her up for all the times she tries to eat them because they know she will get shouted at!!
Harley then realises that the door is shut as always and comes back to bed. That dog is Bag Puss!!
I get up, put on said attire, lift the blind and say Oh! It is raining how surprising!! Then off I go down the stairs to be greeted by two Welshie arses (and trust me there is nothing better than a Welshie Arse)
And yes! She is on the table, the dog thinks she is a mountain goat!!
I open the door and follow the normal routine of putting the light on and searching the floor. There are no mice, no noses, no entrails, no tails. Eureka!! I go into kitchen put the kettle on feed the caterwalers
It is like a military operation, the one we adopted with no teeth fights with the others (go figure she has no teeth, but she wants to take tham all on!) so I have to pick her up, another wants to eats everyone’s treats that are on top so I run round the kitchen moving the dishes, another is so old, bless her, that she is starting to get dementia and shouts at me even though her food is in front of her, one runs out of the front door with the Welshies, and one is on top of the fridge because one of the Welshies wants to eat her (guess which Welshie!!!)
I go into the living room light the fire, call husband and notice that one of the cats is now prowling around the sofa. ‘Oh no’ I think, please don’t tell me we have a live mouse. I let the Welshie’s in, sit down with my tea and mayhem ensues. There is a live mouse under the sofa, and now two cats and both of the Weshies are going mad trying to get it. Harley is crying, Wiglet is trying to rip open the back of the sofa, both nearly get electrocuted because they keep knocking a three way extension we have in our plug (French electrics! Don’t get me started!!) The lamp gets knocked off the table, the cat scratches the Welshie who then tries to eat the cat, the chair gets knocked over – another peaceful morning! The cats think fuck it! I am bored now! But,no, not the murderer known as Wiglet the piglet she will not leave it.
So I get dispatched upstairs with a second cup of tea and the two hounds whilst poor husband chases the mouse around the living room, catches it and the mouse lives to see another day. Hooray!!! Trust me we do this often!!
Thursday: I decide to go back to bed to have my tea, with the Welshies in tow. All is well until I get the chews out, then they begin arguing and barking. After calming them down Sophie the Sofa Loaf (the mad one with no teeth- see the cast- ) who is totally away with the fairies comes up the stairs meowing. God knows why, she knows we have two Welshies, she knows that Harley wants to kill her, but no, up she comes meowing to let them know she is on her way. Off the bed they jump in hot pursuit of the cat, my tea gets spilt, and husband goes back downstairs to make another.
Friday: Dog barks – check – socks on – check – Welshie arses at the bottom of the stairs – check – dead mouse in the living room – check – mouses nose in living room – check. All is well with the world!!
Dogs chase mad cat with no teeth – check – mad cat with no teeth still insists on sitting in front of the fire with the Welshies!! Why?!
Saturday: Check, check check, check!! Oh hold on, we appear to have something under the log burner because diddymandod the cat (don’t ask she is female!!) is peering underneath it as if to say come out little thing I won’t hurt you. She then gets bored and the murderess starts. We are in bed having tea but can hear her banging and crashing around, knocking over the coal bucket, all of the fireside tools, and barking as if that will make it come out!! Harley is bored he has come back to bed with us.
Then we hear the snarl and all is quiet. Rich turns to me ‘She got it then!’ Up she comes and goes to sleep in her bed. When Rich goes down for the second cup of tea there is the poor thing, soaking wet from her spit and dead with a broken neck. At least it didn’t suffer!
Sunday: Lets have tea in bed again, and lets shut the door so that the mad cat cannot get in! Let’s just relax. Bang!!! The guns from the hunters go off and the Wiglet is off barking……….
Seriously though do the mice not realise that we have five cats and two Welshies?!!!
Who doesn’t know that when we go to bed the cats get the cards, brandy and cigars out and play poker; and the silly mice are the aperitif!!
And, yes, we are mad, we love animals so much we try to save the mice as well!!! Imagine… I have only told you about the mornings!!!