Tag Archives: letting go

Poignant: The Beginning of the End

29 Wednesday Jul 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Goodbyes, Learning and Evolving, My home, new adventures, New Paths, poignancy, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, Us

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The For Sale Board is on the gate, marking the beginning of the end for this adventure.

As I sit here in my garden writing this post, the pool is bubbling away, and it’s currently just over thirty degrees at 7pm in the evening, RD is just doing a little shopping and the Harley Pup is patiently waiting to be splashed.

The bees are buzzing around. butterflies are fluttering by, our garden looks lovely, all ready for the pictures that have been taken to sell this house and take us away from here.

Five years ago I dreamt of what I am doing right now, writing a blog in the sunshine, with a light summer breeze, listening to the pigeons, surrounded by tranquility . This place has healed me.

It seems strange that the For Sale sign is now in place.

We have deliberated long and hard, we know it is the right decision, but on an evening like this evening, it feels a little poignant.

Cherishing the moment.

Rosie

What Have We Learned: You can only ever make decisions based on the Here and Now .

20 Monday Jul 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Learning and Evolving, mental health, new adventures, New Paths, Reflections, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The background story, The continuing adventure, Us

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Larchamp 2013

Seven years ago I took this photograph of the pretty sundial we used as a table at a beautiful gite we were vacating in. I still love this picture today, one of tranquillity and stillness.

At the time I took it I was just about to move from an incredibly stressful job to what I didn’t know at the time would be the job from hell. I didn’t realise just how stressed I actually was at that time, so when I then became ill with stress the following year, to us the obvious place to live in France was the region where this picture had been taken. We made our decisions based on how we felt at that time.

Now, after living in this place for five years the people who ran the gite have moved back to England, in fact many people who we have met along the way have moved back to England.

Over the years we have come to realise that is part of an adventure like this: change, not for ‘change sake’, but because we evolve, and part of evolving means that we move forward to pastures new. At the time we make our decisions they are the right ones at that moment in time, based on how we feel at that moment in time. Just as we did after our fabulous holidays in this region.

When RD and I moved here we were both burnt out, literally. My brain had been addled dealing with high levels of human emotion every day. I needed peace, I needed to step out, I needed tranquility and this place offered us all that; and it healed me. But moving on I am better, despite only realising and accepting recently that I will never go back to the person I once was; and as I write that I wonder why I thought I would, because you can never go back, you can only ever go forward.

So now we are healed we have also learned that we are not ready to retire, and we are not ready to slow down quite this much. Going back to work, and interacting with some of the fabulous people I have met has also shown me that. RD has realised that he misses the interaction with other colleagues, he misses working as part of a team. We miss nightlife, and having the opportunity to interact fully in our community.

Language is a barrier, never believe that it isn’t. Language dictates, to a certain degree, the people who you have to interact with, as opposed to those you want to. I cannot emphasise enough the huge impact not knowing a language will have when you undertake an adventure like this. There is an upside also though: you can (I won’t say will because some never try) learn the fabulous art of improvisation, and the other fabulous art of mime! And the best people we have met during this time have been French people.

So seven years ago, when the picture in this post was taken I was a very different person (not least that I can speak a little French now). I was fighting against my feelings of fear and entrapment. Going on this journey has stopped all of that, I have learned who I was, and who I am, and I know there is a ‘who I am going to be’ somewhere in the future.

More to come.

Rosie

My home in the evening sun

Taking every day

09 Sunday Feb 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Goodbyes, Learning and Evolving, My family and other furry creatures, My home, Simple things, The continuing adventure

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We are going to move, our mind has been made up. But more of that in a other post. Because of that we are savouring our moments in our house.

Today France has been lashed by storm Ciara, and the winds are getting stronger, with the rain sleeting down. We have embraced the French culture of doing nothing on a Sunday. Last week we sat in our wingback chairs in our picture window reading blogs and Mark Nepo, so RD, after a week of hard work, asked could we do the same.

So here we are with the cats (this one is Diddies) watching the storm go by, and cherishing our time here.

Taking each and every day.

Rosie

For Auld Lang Syne

31 Tuesday Dec 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, Dream, For the live of dogs, Friends, Learning and Evolving, Making our own way, My family and other furry creatures, Reflections, Simple things, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The seasons

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This is a song that has always made me tear up when I sing it, but I had no idea what the words meant!

Auld Lang Syne literally translated means old long since, or days gone by. Being an empath the poignancy is not lost on me: the days that have gone, those that we have loved and lost, bringing in the New Year remembering them, but looking to the future.

I sat in my sunny garden yesterday, in the crisp cold air, and wrote my journal for the first time in a long time, and in it I wrote…

‘Dylan, and Oscar, and Sophie died this year. Sometimes our garden seems full of memories, of the ghosts of all the animals who were running around in it. Let us not forget  Tilly Kitten   who was also here then.

Then there were the chickens, the last girly died this year and Claudy the Cockerel was found a new home and a new girlfriend. Our garden became very quiet when they left, no more clucking, no more barking from Wiglet.

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But life reminds us constantly that change is the only constant, and all we can do is evolve with it; carry our sadness for those who loved us, and who we loved but now we can no longer see or talk to. I have a strong feeling that there is a contingent here of animals passed, all waiting for Molly, whose time is imminent. She sits on my lap now, whenever possible, and I treasure every moment. Here she is, on my lap, early this morning.
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For me the ending of the year and the ringing in of the New is a time for reflection, I don’t anticipate, as I know that life is doing the driving. I don’t look to the New Year believing it will bring me untold joy, happiness and wealth; I just know that it will bring me what I need (even if I don’t realise it at the time).

Last year we started the New Year not knowing if this was still the life for us. We believed that life would show us the way     and it did: we went forward with our own business and used all we had learnt in our careers, and it has been the best year yet, where work has been concerned.  We are still broke but we are the ones in charge of our lives p, and for the first time ever since living here we go into the New Year with some work. Where emotions are concerned we have learnt a lot this year, mainly remembered the people that we really are, we had lost them somewhere along the way, their back now.

I wrote how I finally came back to being me; and as a result my other blog has reached over 110,000 views in just over a year. This blog has more followers and views than ever before and I got my book published. The response from people all over the world has been so encouraging and I haven’t really started to fully promote it yet. So all good. I have met some wonderful people via cyber-space, who have truly inspired me at times.

But we don’t hold on too tight any more. That is the lesson we learnt this year: don’t hold on to something so tight you stop other things coming to you, or you stay stuck. A lesson from the Tao but also a fantastic lesson in Mark Nepo’s book of awakening:

To catch monkeys holes would be cut in coconuts just big enough for a monkey to get his hand through, then the coconut would be filled with rice to entice the monkey. The hungry monkey would come along and put his hand in the coconut, but of course once his hand was made into a fist to hold the rice he could not get it back out of the coconut. The monkey would be so caught up in the food in the coconut he would not let go of the rice, and forget that other food would come along; and the monkey’s who would not let go, were the monkey’s who were caught. All this year RD and I have used the analogy to ‘not hold on too tight’ and today we read this particular chapter for the first time, and smiled.  It’s been our lesson and life has confirmed that to us as the year closes.

It has been a productive year, it has been a happy year, and it has been a sad year because of the beautiful animals who have left us. So at the end of the year I want to pay homage to those who left my life (and the lives of others, leaving them bereft).

In January I wrote how a friend had helped me make my decisiton to stay and try for longer. He was someone I had known for over fourty years. We were not constantly in touch, had lost touch at times, but he was always a kind man, who truly cared. When he died suddenly in March after a short illness I was shocked, and his words rang in my ears: about how lucky I was to live here in the peace and quiet, about how anywhere has it downsides. Of course it does, he was right, and I think about him often, I will be raising my glass tonight to Rod Claricoats, I have no doubt he will be toasting the New Year with my mum.

 

 

Sophie Loafy. Sophie died suddenly in July we took her in for four years she had a difficult life but for the last years of her life  she was loved, more than ever before. RD still misses her riding on his shoulder as works in the garden.

 

 

Osky Bosky as I loved to call him. His name was Oscar and he was a loved and faithful companion to a very dear friend of ours. A big cuddly apricot  toy poodle, who was always allowed his coat as nature intended. Oscar was diagnosed with cancer at a time that his dad was told a dear friend was also dying. I believe that dog held on to give his loved owner time to grieve before he had to leave him also. Whenever they visited or met us for walks (Oscar got on well with all the Welshies) he would be so genuinely pleased to see you. Smiling with his apricot lips, and looking so cute with that apricot nose. It always seems strange when his dad visits now, and Oscar is not with him. I picture him bounding round the garden with Dilly Dyls, smiling, as he always did. A truly beautiful boy.

Dyly Dyls, the little Welshie who was taken too soon. She blew in like a whilrwind, a little tornado running like the wind in our garden with her ears flapping. She went on a new adventure but sadly died soon after. Even now I cannot believe she has gone, and it still brings tears to my eyes. She was so loved, and has left a gaping hole in her mum’s heart.

And Molly? She is still here but it really is her last days, and we carry her and give her cat soup, and just cuddle her. I will cry, but I know it is time.

So add to that my mum and dad, and there is a wonderful New Years party going on up there, with all the animals we have loved and lost ruuning around young and free.

We have learnt that there has to be a balance, in everything, Good and bad, life and death, our love for animals reminds of that.

A mellow New Year, not Happy because there will be sadness as well as happiness. I believe that a mellow New Year filled with kindness, even if it is only you remembering to be kind, will be the best New Year. Just remember don’t hold on too tight.

Rosie

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Cherishing every moment

22 Friday Nov 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, My family and other furry creatures, My home, Simple things, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, Us

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These are two of our cats (we only have three left now!) Molly, the cat ‘doing the washing’, and Daisy, the cat being washed. I took this photo yesterday as I sat at our window in our wingback chairs blogging.

I am cherishing the moment. You see Molly is nearly twenty years old, and we know that the time is coming that she will leave us. In the past two weeks alone I have shed tears for her. As her condition deteriorates I have thought I would wake up and she would be gone. But every morning when we come downstairs she has rallied, and gives a loud miaow.

On Saturday she took a turn for the worse, and wouldn’t eat. We always said that when she wouldn’t eat it was time, all day she just lay in front of the fire. So we topped it up with logs before we went to bed, just to make sure she was warm.

RD got up on Sunday morning (our ‘have our tea in bed day’) because he didn’t want me to find her; but when he came down she was up, perky, and shouting; she ate a bowl of food and had two plates of milk and cream! (She can have what she wants now, in her limited time).

But I know, after holding her close on Tuesday when she deteriorated again that our days left together are few.

Twenty years is a long time.

Rosie

This poignant time

03 Sunday Nov 2019

Posted by in For the live of dogs, Reflections, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly., The seasons

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Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I’ll hear old winter’s song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I love Autumn, for its colours, for what it symbolises: letting go; and because it never fails to remind me that everything must change. That yearly reminder that things must die to make room for the new. It has that constant air of poignancy for what was, for the time that has past and for the things we have lost.

But this year it has been particularly poignant. We both adore our dogs, we believe that dogs teach you about unconditional love, and we are both members of some social media sites that celebrate the Welshie breed, with their smiling faces, and love of cuddles, and wickedly stubborn temperament.

I recently wrote about the tragic death of Dylan the Welshie puppy who was counted as part of our family, but since her death two other young pups have died in tragic circumstances, one was drowned by a goose, and the other, just fourteen months old, was hit by a car. As I write this now my eyes brim with tears for the loss, and for the pain that all those left behind feel. So this year when I look out on the grey rainy days that we have here, and the leaves and walnuts falling from the trees, I am reminded, yet again, that where there is life there is death; there can be no life without it.

“the longest-lived and those who die soonest lose the same thing. The present. The present is all that they can give up since that is all you have and what you do not have, you cannot lose.”

Marcus Aurelius

Treasure every moment, treasure every sunbeam, every raindrop, every rainy day. Hold those close to you tight.

Rosie

Autumn leaves written by Songwriters: Giorgio Canali / Francesco Magnelli / Gianni Maroccolo / Massimo Zamboni / Giovanni Lindo Ferretti

Taking things in your stride, a sense of community, and merde!

21 Monday Oct 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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One of the things I love about living here are the lessons we have been taught with regard to the way we look at life, and the strong sense of community that French people have in rural France. This last week and especially today have been no exception.

A week ago I noticed a problem with our toilet, it was not flushing and I could hear water running in the cellar. Further investigation showed that we had a problem, and when he got home from work, R/D (he has two names so this is what I am going to call him now! ) concluded that we had a blockage.

We knew that our cesspit was due to be emptied and hoped it would wait until the end of the month because after being let down with a job we were unable to get the ball moving (or the crap on it’s way) until funds were available at the end of the week.

So all week we have been weeing in the garden (in the pouring down of rain) with the dogs looking at me as if I had grown another head! Visits to the public toilets were clearly de rigour for anything else. I even made up a poo bag of rubber gloves, wet wipes, and toilet roll! In fact yesterday as R/D and I went for our afternoon poo, and sat in adjacent stalls (unisex toilets here in France!) I found myself laughing as I called out to R/D ‘living the dream!’

That is the thing for us: we have learned so much. If you had told me years ago that I could live without a roof, water, and now a loo, I would have thought you were mad. But we have lived without all those things, and yet here we are still here. We have not died, we have not suffered, but here in our community we are not judged. And I believe that is the key.

Last week I looked at R/D one evening and said ‘I am not worrying about the loo, because I know it will be resolved in the end.’ We have learned patience, and to not stress about something if you cannot change it. That eventually what you need will come, when the time is right and not when you make it.

We did try to resolve the blockage over the week, hoping that we could hold on to the end of the month to have the cess emptied: we have used shampoo, washing up liquid, drain un-blocker, stronger drain un-blocker, a spiral spring, and a super duper Luigi plunger, but nothing was shifting it!

Once we had money in our pockets I visited our friend and neighbour Mark, for assistance, and literally at 10am this morning the tractor arrived! But after emptying the cess nothing happened, and the loo was still blocked, and despite working on the chambers for over an hour they eventually called the fabulous Pascal, (who I think can do mostly anything) who arrived toute suite. He could speak a little English, I can speak a little French. He looked at our antiquated cess, and asked me about the pipes and lo: they were off! Trying to solve the problem. All these people just trying to help us. It has not been a simple job, they are still here now, over four hours later, covered in crap, literally!

We now have a completely new cess pipe, because the other one was just full of a compacted wall of merde. We found that out when poor Pascale cut into the pipe and it poured out over his head! Marc and R/D laughed!

Here they all are with the lorry in tow, because it appears our cess has a pipe that leads out to the ditch. It is an air pipe, it creates the suction that makes the cess work, and it was blocked by years of mud, and our pine tree, and was in fact a major contributing factor to our problem.

It has to be cleared, and they are still all here, and the tractor is on it’s way…..

This is what I love about France, these people are helping us, using their time, with no questions. England, and even the majority if the English community, is not like that over here; and since starting this adventure there have been times when I am ashamed if my countrymen.

Marc and Nadia, Michelle and Martigne, all the wonderful French people we have met have been nothing but wonderful to us. But we have been reserved at times, have been afraid to approach them and we must have come off as bloody stand offish at times! Our lesson from all of this has been to stop being afraid of not speaking the language and integrate, that is the only way to do it.

Our lesson has been to join the community, so watch this space we will be.

More to come this week.

Rosie

Understanding yourself: Me

04 Friday Oct 2019

Posted by in Dream, Reflections, The continuing adventure, Us

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I have shared on this blog that the year before we came out here I stood on the precipice of having a full breakdown, and I did have a mini one. I have written about how I can be driven, which in some ways is a good thing and essential, (more of that in another post) and yes, being that type of person is a blessing. But it can also be a curse, when insecurity creeps in through the crack in the open door.

Without my strong personality my book would not be out there, and my Blog would not have been so successful, but more than that so many people would not have found something to give them hope in their hour of need.

But despite that I also remember my counsellors words well when she told me I was a ‘doer’, and that if I didn’t learn to utilise, but control, that part of my personality it could actually destroy me.

Living here has been hard in that I now have arthritis and work is limited for me; because I cannot do the things I used to do; and you see for someone like me to not be able to have something to focus on means that I feel as if I have lost myself. I have always needed something to define me: in the UK it was my career, which virtually destroyed me, but coming here and trying to find something else proved difficult.

But last year life shook me up and showed me the way: I started the Other blog and it took off. I always knew that sharing our story would help others, and now I know it has. As I have written in previous posts it jolted me back to being me, it gave me impetus, and all the things I have worked on: H’s website for the business, the Facebook page, and the business itself, which is doing better than it ever has, was as a result of me finding my impetus again; or as I have said: being driven. The blog reached 96,000 views in a year and I was in control of what I was doing: which is something I love.

But once the book was published the control was taken away from me to a degree. Yes I could promote it, increase my media presence, but I would never actually know any stats for how well the book was doing until the royalty cheque fell on the mat; and that for me was a problem. It was what was keeping me awake at the beginning of the week; I had to relinquish some of the control, and I had to trust the fact that someone else was now doing the driving. I knew it, I knew it was going to be the case but my brain remained active and kept me awake because I couldn’t control it.

I still keep a journal, as I have written on the other blog my journal was at one point the book that saved my life, but I don’t write in it often now, the two blogs tend to work for me. But as I have said they are still not the same as keeping a journal, which is a place where you don’t worry about your audience, because your audience is you, and so you have to be honest.

After my last post I knew that I had to write my journal, that was the key to sleeping. So I did: I had a frank conversation with myself: that the blog had and still is, doing so well why would the book fail? I reminded myself of all the comments I have received from all over the world:

‘Thanks for your amazing insight it helps me to understand how to stay strong through all of this.’

‘This! I need to read this today!’

‘When I am having a hard day sometimes I go back to Rosie’s blog, and it helps me get my demon under control.’

I told myself that I need to have a little more belief in myself, and I was honest with myself that at times I doubt myself and I questioned why. I wrote about the power of belief, but despite that when things are out of our control our belief begins to falter, and the strength is in pulling ourselves back up, and holding on.

On Wednesday night I slept soundly. I have always wanted to be able to meditate, but have struggled. So when I recently read a post from the Fabulous Biscuit factory blog I realised that writing my journal is a form of meditation for me. I put my pen to paper and I just write, and then I read what I have written and my mind is clear.

So in knowing that life shows us the way yesterday I found my book for sale in Waterstones, and stocked in Gardners. I knew that meant that the book was doing well, and it helped me a great deal, I also knew that life was telling me to hold on to my belief which was confirmed when we met a new client with the business last night: they work in the book world and when I said that the book is stocked in Gardners they advised that before that could have happened Gardners would have done their homework: they only stock books that they think will sell!

So I will do all the hard work I need to and support and promote my book, (of course I will) but I will give myself a timeframe every day, and some days I will step back from it. After all someone else is doing the driving! I know that!

Rosie

Understanding yourself

02 Wednesday Oct 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, Dream, Making our own way, My home, Recipes, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The seasons

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‘The great and fierce mystic Willliam Blake said : “There is no greater act than putting another before you.”

This speaks to a selfless giving that seems to be at the base of meaningful love. Yet having struggled for a lifetime with letting the needs of others define me, I’ve come to understand that without the healthiest form of self-love – without honouring the essence of life this thing called ‘self’ carries , the way a pod carries a seed – putting another before you can result in damaging self-sacrifice and endless co-dependence. ‘

From the Book of Awakening Mark Nepo

I always say on my other blog how I believe that it is essential for people to find themselves and not let others define them. I need to listen to my own words. I am going to do my best to post on this blog at least every other day to share my journey over the past few weeks with you; including the messages that life has sent me along the way.

But to start with I am going out in the garden today. I am not posting my other blog to various Facebook sites, or promoting it at all. I am taking a ‘time out’ from Social Media today and over the next few days I will explain why.

But for now I will say that I have not slept well over the past few nights, with no particular thing on my mind. The book is selling, wonderful people are contacting me to say they have it; H has work, best it’s been for a long time; but I know it is my mind that is keeping me awake! And I know why.

So without further ado this is currently what our chemin looks like:

 

Seriously if we don’t work on it we will not be able to walk up it! So on this damp and cloudy autumn afternoon I am going out in the garden with H (he has a week off before more work) to help him; because he cannot do any particular heavy lifting and because I need to get out in the fresh air and away from my book. I need to practice what I preach for a day: and let life show me the way!!

More to come

Rosie

 

Catching up

02 Friday Aug 2019

Posted by in Change is a coming, Making our own way, My home, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure

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Where do I start? The book is at the publishers after another edit, the blog is just about to hit 75,000 views, and hubby is doing such wonderful work in his business.

Here is his current project: barn doors he has been working on, they had to be prepped and the metalwork needed detailed paintwork; I am so proud of him because I know what he is capable of. To see the project from the beginning you can visit our website it is under the section ‘a renovation story.’ The client is so pleased she has asked him to extend his time with her.

It is a joy to see him enjoying his work (we had some awful people recently) and being appreciated for the dedication that he puts into it.

The business also keeps me busy updating the website, and Facebook page and promoting it. Sadly it is a fact of life that we have learnt to accept that you will always get someone with a snide remark, but it does not deter me now; like I said I am back, and I simply answer them. People don’t understand that in the world today social media is here and now, there is no going back, just going forward. Pretty much like life really!

So going forward we are now in the process of changing our house. When we first moved here we bought with us such beautiful things from our old home. But I have come to realise that I was trying to make this house into our old house; when in fact we should make it something new. As a result we have moved the furniture in our living room so that the sofa’s are against one wall, making a ‘snug’ area in which to watch the TV. If you look at the first photo the top picture is before and the second one after.

The top photo is before, the bottom after

We have blocked off the door that originally led to the stairs and re-opened the old one; we will leave the closed door or we won’t be able to get furniture in & out from upstairs! But that won’t be a problem because I have a huge mirror that will cover it – another thing on the list to paint!

Doing this has given us an enormous amount of space, and given me the opportunity to have my wingback chairs in our large window.

I have always wanted this layout, to be able to sit here in the morning and look out across the garden, and valley.

In fact we sit here in the evening now when Danny (aka Rich) gets home from work. It is proving popular with all the animals, we sit in the chairs and Diddies goes to sleep in the window box.

Our living room was originally two rooms, and where before we had the wingback chairs over the other side we now have enough room to bring in a very large French Antique Buffet, and a round table.

If you look at the photo above you can see the top of the buffet, which is currently on the floor because the bottom is in my kitchen. But not after tomorrow it won’t be, because I am emptying it to move it, and tomorrow it will have it’s first coat of white paint.

As you can tell we are busy, and we are also selling some of our beautiful stuff. To move forward you have to let go: the Grandmother clock you can see in the pictures is being collected tomorrow by its new owner. My pretty antique Singer sewing machine is up for sale, along with many other pieces.

Both our kitchen and living room are going to be painted white, including all of the beams. Furniture we are keeping is in line for painting white and blue and I don’t have enough hours in the day.

I also want to develop my role now with regard to the book. Does anyone know an agent?!

I have to go now folks, but before I do, although I still don’t know where life will take me, I appreciate what I have. Who couldn’t when I wake up to this view in the morning?

I promise I will blog again at the weekend, I have so much to tell you .

Rosie