Here is a blog that I wrote last week, and forgot to share with you – sorry about that folks! I would welcome comments on this one….
Since the chilly temperatures last weekend the weather had now become weirdly very warm, and ever so slightly wet. Last year we had the wettest winter ever recorded in France and it can get very grey, very fast over here, which I know gets some people down.
As I look out of my window from where I write there is drizzle in the air and a feeling of dampness everywhere. The Welshie’s are snuggled and asleep and I have lit the fire early today. (I count that as a blessing as we have enough wood to not worry when we light it – for the first time in three years.)
Grey is my favourite colour, most of my house is painted one shade or another of it, and I often sit up here on the hill alone, whilst Rich and my neighbours are at work. It would be quite easy to feel isolated but I don’t. I am someone who likes her own company, I am busy with my two blogs now, and I am writing for hours every day to hone my book because come hell or high water it will be published – with another month heading to the eight thousand views scenario I would be mad not to believe in it.
I do a lot of reading as part of my research, and today I read a post where it said that it was okay to feel down and it got me thinking (which I am blessed to have time to do whilst living on this French hill) am I too positive?
I have blogged in the past about how someone told me that I was – but then she was a person who never seemed happy in her life, no matter what it gave her, and had often suffered from depression.
So can you be too positive? I know from reading the Tao that where there is good there is bad and where there is bad there is good, and perhaps it is that thought that keeps me going through the bad times, that I know that if I believe eventually good will come my way – in whatever form as long as I believe it. I also know that we continously focus on the negative only negative crap will come our way because we are attracting it. But do I not see the negative shit? Or am I now able (after reading the Tao) to just accept the fact that it is ‘just life’?
Let’s look at our roof scenario – it had major damage from a storm in the March of 2016, and then the insurance company refused to pay out. At that time I had lived here a year and yes I was stressed about it. Wondered how we would survive, berated the world for sending crap our way, and it just seemed as if we couldn’t get a break. Then two months later I started to read the philosophy of the Tao (The book was called ‘Change Your thoughts, Change Your Life) and it did change my life. When I first started reading it I wondered what the hell it was talking about, but I perservered and now I get it; but boy did it take time!
In the September a tornado ripped through our garden tearing the silver birch tree in half and finishing off the roof. As you know if you read this blog we had only a tarp that kept us for the elements and we had that tarp for another two years.
But here is the rub: I had learnt that to worry about it was not going to change it. We didn’t have the money to get it done, the water was going to come in but I had to accept that there was nothing I could do until the opportunity arose to fix it. Yes it could have got into the electrics – but it didn’t – yes it could have rotted the rafters – but it didn’t (well not completely) but what was me worrying about it, or being fed up about it going to achieve? Nothing!
I learnt that when the time was right we would get the new roof we needed and we have, we still carried on living here, we did not die! The same as with the water, I learnt from that lesson never to waste water or take it for granted again.
As the years have gone on I have learnt that worrying and stressing will get me nowhere, and I just have to accept what life dishes out to me, and go with the flow.
Where there is good there is bad and where there is bad there is good. If I don’t know the bad then I won’t know the good.
So am I too positive?