So here they are, the geysers are bubbling up fast and furious now. So much so, they are overwhelmingly me sometimes.

As some may have guessed from the quote above – ironically gleaned from Facebook, I am at a loss with mankind generally.

I stopped blogging last year because I felt I couldn’t write what I was thinking. I also realised that if I wrote what I was thinking I could offend people, and that concerned me.

Now it doesn’t!

When I came back to blogging I came back with the intention, or hope, of encouraging people to think. Which had always been the original premise for this blog.

As I wrote in my first blog, on my return, if people don’t like it, don’t read it.! I am not trying to change anyone’s beliefs, thoughts, convictions , I just hope that they will open their mind, and think.

I have always been an empath. Possibly the only one in the sea of narcissism I was born into. As a result of that, one of the downfalls of that condition is to try and look at things from the other person’s perspective. To give them the benefit of the doubt. God! How many times has that bit me on the arse?

Now you could say that my lessons on ‘not always giving people the benefit of the doubt’ started in France. But they started long before then, I just wasn’t in the right place to listen.

But in France those lessons were ramped up: The couple who were so toxic that you felt as if the air had been sucked from your lungs if you were in their house. I felt sorry for her in particular, gave her the benefit of the doubt, she was depressed, lonely perhaps?

Now I know if she was she was depressed and lonely it was because everyone ran like the wind before her toxic energy sucked the life out of them. Now I would just steer clear, any rudeness would be met with a matched level of rudeness, in fact I just wouldn’t entertain her in my life.

Then there was the man who kicked his dog down the stairs, when we went to price up a job. We were so shocked, and needed the work, we said nothing. Now he would be told what an arsehole he was. How he probably lost his business because of the arsehole he was, and he should count himself lucky I did not push him down the stairs behind the dog!

I did start to learn though, with the people who want there quotes changed 3 or 4 times. As 2019 passed I started to say no. In fact we had learned what we needed would come, and we started to feel the vibe and say no to working for some people.

And we have found, over the years, that when you start to challenge the belief that ‘you need that job’, that you need people to like you, that you need people! What you actually need will come.

But it was when I turned 60 that I really started to get the message: That sadly if you give humans empathy then most will abuse that.

I still give people another chance, but it tends to be only one now.

To do that is hard for an empath. But I now see things as they are:

When someone keeps being rude to you, arguing with you, then there is a good chance that they don’t like you. So why are you sticking with it? In fact why are they contacting you? Now there is a good question!

I am acutely aware of time passing now (this will be a running theme) so why am I spending my time putting up with that shit? I don’t!

I mean no ill will, I just don’t want other people’s toxicity in my life. The door is always open, just not for that.

I have always made the effort to stay in touch. Especially because I have moved to different countries. I still miss some people, and want to catch up with them. But in the last 2 years I have realised that those people don’t feel the same. They don’t answer messages, never suggest catch ups as others do. In fact sometimes I feel as if I am imposing myself on them. So over the last year I have decided not to make the effort any more. Their lives have obviously moved forward without me, perhaps because ‘out of sight is out of mind’; and perhaps the empath in me saw something in those friendships that was there for me, but not for them.

So again, without any animosity I am leaving that behind. My time is precious, so I will spend it on those who want to spend it with me. Who perhaps are on a similar path as me. Or have the courage of their convictions to follow that different path, no matter what others say.

Time to let go. The door is always open, I am just not making the effort to push it open any more.

I am really understanding Life’s messages more and more. Age has been a massive contributing factor in that.

It’s all about letting go of the rice. …..

And I am not afraid of being on my own.

To quote old Charlie Boy

“When nobody wakes you up in the morning, When nobody waits for you at night, When you can do whatever you want. What do you call it, Freedom or Loneliness?” 

Charles Bukowski.

Moisy

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