A few years ago I was reading one of the books from the fabulous Byron Katie, so much of it resonated with me. One of the main things was how we have a little spin doctor in our minds. It may be small but by God it can create havoc. You know the one that whispers to you stories of what people are saying about you, really think about you, what is going to go wrong, all those things that can keep you awake at night. And I got it. I had written many years ago about the demon that had once been in my head so when I read about the ‘spin doctor’ I fully understood.

From that I learnt the importance of mantras, something to fill my head enabling me to talk over the ‘Spin Doctor’. They work, but it is always best for them to be positive. Last week I kept waking up at about 3am and just could not get back to sleep. The reasons were obvious, I no longer had the feel of a Welshie tucked up behind my arse, a sensation I had felt for over nine years. The Spin Doctor was in overdrive, just making tears this time. So to shut it up I started to say some lines from the fantastic poem ‘Immortality’ by Clare Harmer. I said over and over ‘You are the quiet in the room’ or ‘You are the swift up-flinging rush’, as always it worked and I went back to sleep.

Anyone who has read this blog over the years knows that my most favourite part of Christmas is putting the decorations up. I love fiddling with interiors, love being a bit arty, and never one to follow the norm. So this weekend I decided to put my decorations up early. To take my mind off things, to tell the ‘Spin Doctor’ that life does move forward. Of that we have no choice. It took us all weekend, we were knackered, and now they give us hope, this is Elfie’s first Christmas after all.

It was poignant as I went through all of the decorations that RD finally brought back from France in May. They had been boxed up since 2019, there was no Christmas for us in 2020, as we were in the process of moving here. Happy memories.

This is just a glimpse – my living room looks like Santa’s grotto! More to come….

Rosie