It’s been a long time, more than any other, since I have written my blog. The urge has come to me, but I have deflected (I realise now) with other renovations, or chores to do.

My last post was about Christmas, and my love of decorating, and there will be more about our home and renovations in the future. But I think the real reason I have deflected is because my blog was always for me. to write what I wanted to write, and hopefully encourage people to sit back and think. And I had lost my mojo for doing that. Because I was finding it difficult to think for myself.

Due to my realisations this post will be about things I have come to understand, perhaps litereally in the last few mintes

As always ‘Life’ has shown me the way..

After Wiglet and Harley died within 5 months of each other, and Diddies our beautiful rag doll cat died in the months in between, I think it is fair to say that Rich (we will lose RD now, most people have worked out who I am anyway, and ‘Making This Better ‘ is out there now for all to read, and for some to provide comfort and hope, as I hoped it would.) and I, have been caught up in a vacuum of grief. Not just for losing them, but also because of the realisation that we are getting older, that our life together is shorter than it ever was, and that at any time we could have the proverbial rug ripped from under our our feet.

https://makingthisbetter.com

Whilst I have verbally acknowledged this many times since their deaths, in fact I may have mentioned it on this blog, I realised today, as I started to read ‘New Passages’ by Gail Sheehy, that we have not been honest with ourselves. We have verbally acknowledged it, but never truly shook it’s hand. So now I am.

I cannot believe it was 9 years ago that I sat in the car, with the 5 cats, Rich behind me in the truck, with our beloved Harley, waiting to board the Euro tunnel train to France. The 6 years there were healing, informative, transformative, and changed our lives. They were also tough, there was no time to think about getting older, or even dare to think of what maladies could come our way.

We learned about energy, and manifestation without even realising it. We could not afford to be ill, so therefore we would lend it no truck, we were not going to be ill and that was that. And so in 6 years neither of us once visited the GP. We had the occasional bouts of things, but always breathed deeply and willed them to pass, and they did.

With all we had been through we remained strong with each other. We had to fight to survive and we fought valiantly, side by side.

When the time came to leave France and move to Ireland we never considered our age. In our minds we were still in our early fifties, believing we were still in our ealy forties. We were still firmly in the mindset of we could do anything if we wanted to, and that ‘Life’ would show us and support us, as long as we listened to the messages along the way.

I think our adventures had kept our attitude young’. No sitting waiting for God for us.

Six years later we set off for a new life in Ireland. Mois and Rich, invincible together, with what was left of our family: Diddies and Daisy, our 2 remaining cats, and our beloved Welsh Terriers. It was going to be idyllic, Rich could speak to people! We would both be able to work, and we would be living on one of the most beautiful Islands on earth. We had no worries, life was not going to be as tough.

Harley, my beautiful boy, had been ill just before we left France, but Wiglet …..she was only 7, so when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer just 7 months later our world was well and truly rocked. In fact shaken to such a degree that I have just literally come to realise that it cracked some of our foundations. I have had to forcibly shut my eyes and close thoughts down when they come tumbling in about that time.

Our energy was undermined by our pain. Grief can truly kill you. And so Rich, as well as being diagnosed with Diabetes, has severe Rheumatoid Arthritis, as have I. The problems with my leg is really chronic damage to my sacroiliac, resulting in sacroiliitis. This has now triggered chronic arthritis in other parts of my body.

After losing them all in 2022, we threw ourselves into renovations and naughty new puppies. Who despite all their naughtiness have been sent to us by ‘Life’ (and Harley and Wiglet) to take our minds off our pain. Or so we thought…..

Now, as I have just started to read this new book, I realise that our trauma has made us realise how fragile life is, and our grief has trapped us in that place. This has impacted on our energy and thereby our health. In our grief we have seen the puppies as something to ‘take our minds off our pain’; when in fact ‘Life’ has sent them to show us there is a future, and more joy to be had irrespective of our age.

Our life is so much easier in that we don’t have to ‘fight’ for everything. We don’t have to give things ‘no truck’. And so those things have started to insidiously creep in. And we need to stop them. This time by focusing on our positives, and how much we want to keep them, and NOT be fearful of losing them. Because if we think like that then we will lose them, each other, and all the opportunities that life can offer us. Our energy is letting us down.

So I sat today with all this rapidly forming in my head. This post was really something I would have written in my journal, and not shared. But as I started to read my book today ‘Life’ whispered in my ear ‘share it….’ And I quickly picked up my tablet and started to write.

Moisy (Also known under her pseudonym Rosie.) Because Iam going to be me again now.

En hommage….

Le passe

L’avenir