Tag Archives: Questions

Consider Every Little Nuance

15 Wednesday Apr 2020

Posted by in Change is a coming, Learning and Evolving, mental health, People, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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I posted this on my newsfeed a few days ago. It touched me when I read it because, at times, I have felt overwhelmed; not by the thought of the Pandemic, but the hysteria that has reared it’s uglier head as a result of it.

So before I go any further I want to stress: for those who may choose to see what they want to see in the midst of the hysteria that seems to be gripping the world, this post DID NOT advocate going outside and breaking any lockdowns.

So please if you feel the need to comment about self-isolation then read the post again, and again. See every little nuance.

This is a post about understanding: merely a post asking people to understand that what may not be essential for you, may be crucial for someone else. The items (paint and compost) are items that are sold in most supermarkets across the world, so someone could buy them whilst shopping for food.

RD posted it on various sites and a lot of people thanked him for saying what they were afraid to say. Yes, ‘Afraid’! Because they thought they would be shot down in flames by the very people who had also commented in the fashion of ‘You should not break the self-isolation rules.’ And worse….

It highlighted to me the hysteria that has taken over the world. With self-appointed Facebook police jumping on anyone who dare not share the herd mentality, or question some of the things that are happening. The media who are not (or haven’t been until recently) asking the questions that should be asked.

Like ‘What’s the fucking plan?’

In England we clap for those in the NHS bravely doing such a hard, emotional, heartbreaking job. But we don’t question the fact that the NHS is still woefully without the equipment needed. We are shown arial views of car parks, told they have been set up as testing sites, but they are always empty, with frontline NHS staff refused tests, whilst ministers get tested instead.

I have seen very few people question this, why?

All over we have care homes, full of the most vulnerable in our society, especially where Covid-19 is concerned, left to fend for themselves. In the UK they were not even being counted in the ‘stats’, why? Because they don’t count? It is only now, months into this pandemic that the questions are tentatively being asked, and even they are not enough.

Why is nobody as outraged about any of this as they are outraged if their neighbour decides to buy paint? I would ask why over and over, but I know why, because they are not interested, they are only interested in attacking others, it is so much easier than considering something that is actually quite frightening, if you consider every little nuance.

In France there are people who recently asked why there were camper vans parked in a local car park, they were outraged that people were on holiday. The people in the campervans lived there! But those asking and shouting loudly, didn’t even stop to consider that some people don’t live in houses. Because surely everyone must live in a house!

These are the very people who are so outraged if someone dares to buy something that may well keep them sane, and stop them from killing their family. There is such an irony that these people cannot see their own mental frailties.

Recently I changed my profile picture to this.

I kid you not when I say that someone commented on how we were not social isolating! It was taken in December (my hat is a clue) but they just jumped in, not even an inkling to consider any little nuance, like my hat!

My son answered them before I had a chance to.

Why is the general consensus not considering the depth of damage that will be caused in mental health? The children who are trapped with an abuser, day in, day out, who will take that into their lives in the future. The partners trapped in an emotionally abusive or violently abusive relationship, the people locked in flats with their loved ones who suffer from dementia, mental health problems, drug addiction. Those who will lose all they have worked for, their livelihood, their homes. Who is giving any thought to those who have no food? Has anyone considered the impact of this lockdown, which will, over the years, kill more people than Covid-19 itself?

As someone recently wrote you have to give people a deadline, something to look forward to. Although it may not exactly appear as promised, it still gives people hope.

The lack of emotional intelligence in this whole sorry saga has been highlighted to me time and again. The herd mentality to only see what we want to see, and attack any who don’t want to be part of the herd has been depressing.

I fear that more than Covid-19. I fear what the world will become.

Rosie

Can you have too much Kindness, Empathy, or Conscientiousness?

15 Saturday Sep 2018

Posted by in Reflections, The continuing adventure, The good, the bad and the ugly.

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Kindness – the quality of being gentle, caring and helpful

This is a post to make you think, all of the questions are rhetorical, but I would love to hear your opinions.

Since living here, as some of you may know, we have experienced many people who have turned out to be (how shall I say it given the topic?) not very nice. They have taken advantage of any kindness we have shown them, any empathy that we have felt and, given their nature, most often than not totally abused our conscientiousness. In fact as I have researched this post I have struggled to find a quote that I can use for kindness.

Image result for quotes for kindness

So it makes me wonder if the bastards are starting to beat me!

Over the past few months or so I have been thinking often if there are there times when we can be too kind? I believe that all things are lessons in life and that because I am naturally kind life is trying to tell me that I need to protect myself sometimes and not always give people the benefit of the doubt; it has made me wonder – When do we stop being kind?

I have often had it said to me that people mistake my kindness for a weakness. Is that them? Or is it me?

Image result for quotes for kindness

I think that it may well be them and that their need and to feel superior, and to use people and abuse their kindness is because they are ultimately insecure in themselves or in their lives.

So this brings me onto Empathy.

Image result for empathy quotes

As some of you may know I had an incredibly stressful job back in the UK. My job was with the NHS, the National Health Service, and main provider of health in the UK. The main part of my role was to oversee all of the feedback that came into the organisations that I worked for and to improve service from that feedback. But ultimately it was to deal with complaints and concerns that came into the organisations.

Now I have a strong sense of empathy, I cry when I see other’s predicaments, my heart goes out to people and I have always, from a young age, been able to see that ‘There, but for the grace of God, go I.’ But there is a problem with having a strong sense of empathy and that is that other’s can abuse that, and eventually transfer their problem on to you and believe that you are the one either responsible for it, or solely responsible for sorting it out. Had I known then what I know now perhaps I would not have had a breakdown….

‘Empathetic Reactivity – When too much empathy is bad. With empathy, you will feel their stress, anxiety, and anger in your body. You might feel their pain emotionally and physically. … Taking on other people’s feelings so that youlive their experience can make you susceptible to feelings of depression or hopelessness’
Psychologytoday.com
Now clearly I did not learn, and since coming over here I have continued to be taught the lesson because I did not learn. There have been the lonely people, who at times were completely and utterly rude to me; but would then cry and say how lonely they were and I would go back to visit them, even though there behaviour had been bad. In fact there have been a lot of lonely people who I have had empathy with and been kind to who have then been rude to me. Perhaps now I can see why they are so fucking lonely!!
I have had negative people who, only when I have stepped away from them have I seen how negative they were. I continued to be kind to them but can only see now that they too were negative because often people stepped away from them, thereby making them lonely – there seems to be a pattern here!!
That then makes me ask the question can we be too conscientious?
The definition for consienciousness is ‘governed by conscience, to do something according to one’s inners sense of what is right – to be principled.’
Image result for quotes on conscientiousness
Now here lies the problem- What happens when the people you encounter don’t have any principles or conscience? Or when they do they are selfish principles where their consience will always put them first? So here you will be, with your kind empathetic principles or conscience; and there they will be with their selfish, or bigoted principles or conscience, and who do you think will end up being taken advantage of?
Image result for quotes on conscientiousness
I have come to realise that, through my lessons since moving here, I should remember that not everyone’s conscience considers others first; and that an awful lot of people will not take the painful course.
Add to the mix out here the ‘Have’s’ and ‘Have nots’ – the people who have money and those who, like Rich and I, live hand to mouth each day. that then makes it very difficult; because often the ‘Have’s’ more often than not, sadly, don’t have any empathy and they sure don’t have an ounce of consciousness so they take advantage of people – I am not just talking about Rich and I now because I written of this often in this blog (see ‘It’s time someone said it’ or When do you stay quiet?’) of how people have been exploited over here.
Image result for conscientiousness quotes

 

You may have guessed that I have mulled this question over a lot over the last month, and considered life’s message and this is my conclusion:

Yes, you can be too kind. But.. I believe that you should be kind first and then see the reaction and consider it and if the other person is not kind to you don’t continue to be kind, but importantly don’t be unkind either, just step away.

More importantly always you consider yourself when being kind, do not do it to the detriment of yourself.

With regard to empathy – Yes I totally believe that you can have too much empathy. But I don’t want to lose that ability, I don’t want to be sucked into the dark side, so I have come to the conclusion that sometimes I need to reign myself in. I cannot give my all and I should not try.

With regard to conscientiousness that is easy for me, I will always be conscientious to others, because that is my prinicple, do unto others as they would do unto you. But that is a double edged sword because what do you do when they do bad things to you?! For me I will not necessarily do them back (again I don’t want to be sucked into the darkness) but I will step away. I don’t need that shit in my life anymore!

So everyone what do you think? Is there such a thing as being too kind, and what happens if we all stop being kind just because of the ‘Haters’?

Here’s what Mother Theresa had to say, and I think she is right….

Image result for kindness quotesI love giving you something to think about at the weekend!!

Moisy