For those who have read my blog for a while you will know that I always try and look at the positive side of life. In fact I was once told by someone that the ‘trouble’ with me is that I am too positive!? Don’t you just love miserable f*****s who always try to put you down?!!
It has taken me a while to write this post as I deliberated whether to write it or not. But, as always, I have to stay true to myself and be honest, and so write it I must.
This week I had a blip. We had worked hard all summer but now, as always in France where the work is so seasonal, the work had started to dry up; and you realise that no matter how hard you work, or how conscientious you are (and I am conscientious, too much sometimes and my integrity then bites me on the arse!!) you are just a number and actually your conscientiousness counts for jack shit when it comes down to it.
I suppose it hit me because I had not learnt my lesson; I had gone forward and done it again, given my all and realised that it doesn’t matter if you give your all, for most people you are just the same as the person who doesn’t give a shit and only gives what they have to; and I realised that I had to stop. I became disenchanted with people and that hit me hard.
So last Tuesday I found myself driving through the painting that is the French countryside, surrounded by beautiful scenery, and autumn colours, bawling my eyes out. I had tried to hold it off, told myself not to give in to it, but then another voice said ‘You are allowed to have a f*****g off day you know. Go on cry.’ So I did, and although it did make me feel better I still felt disillusioned and down.
But then my best friend called me and gave me a talking to, she cared, she did not want me to change – although did want me to know my worth. Then ‘Dad’ (see another poignant goodbye) came to see us and I won’t call R mum because she would kill me, she is the same age, but they both listened and she hugged me numerous times; she understood and believe me, that helped. (I have tears in my eyes now.)
‘Dad’ told us to know our worth, and not sell ourselves short. He knew that he could always rely on us, that we could always be trusted (and that is worth a lot out here!) and he told us to get another sideline. They both spurred us on.
So my Etsy shop is up and running and I have made three sales already, my lights are in Paris and a Chateau in Southern France and my Vintage Sky Hook now lives in New York!! So life is showing me that the stuff I have in my shop is well chosen and will sell, contrary to the negative f****r who said otherwise. I also received five star ratings from my customers, so much so that one emailed me again to say thank you personally. So we have decided to build on that.
Add to that this blog, and a big thank you to all who read and support it, as it grows bigger every day; and now I have a media profile that is also growing bigger every day.
But more than anything although I found myself back on the edge of that black hole I stopped and focused on the positive people that we have in our lives and the support that they give, and it brought me back from the edge. I wrote a list of all of those people and the support they give and I would like to say a big thank you to you all, because your belief in my writing was one of the things that I wrote down.
I am back now and I promise I will be blogging every other day this week so keep reading and please share.
And if any of you are interested in Vintage French items, with a little bit of shabby chic and rustic thrown, in then please visit my Etsy shop petiteFrenchfancies and let me know what you think.