If I bite my tongue too long


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Most people who have been reading this blog for any length of time will know that four years ago I had a breakdown, and the Incredible Hulk started to live in me. Over the years, and from reading the Tao I have learnt to control that beast because I know the damage it can do.

I also learnt that this  had happened to me because I had bitten my tongue too long. I should have said what I thought to people in a controlled way, and I never. Hence the reason for this blog, I decided to write what I wanted to write and say what  wanted to say – and over twenty thousand of you have appreciated it over the years – A big thank you.

Add to that the fact that I am by nature a kind person ( I don’t see the point in being horrible to people life really is too short) and I think that I have set myself up as a Patsy; because since living here I have found that my kindness has been seen as a weakness; you see the incredible hulk has not come out since moving to France, so people over here don’t really know of the creature that lies within.

Sadly despite being kind to numerous people they have then assumed that they can behave inappropriately and I will not say anything. Here are some examples:

We helped someone this summer who was in a terrible situation, and me being the empathetic sort helped them, even going on a long journey with them that took all day.  Rich worked for them, and he worked hard,  and we thought that they needed people to be kind. Instead they gave the future work that had been promised to Rich, to someone else and messaged me to say that some day they would tell me how ‘Rich had talked himself out of a job!’ Assuming that I would go ‘Oh Okay then!!!!!’

I get that people are entitled to employ who they want, but they’re not entitled to tell me what they see as failings in my husband, and they should not have taken our help if that is what they thought!

With regard to clients that Rich has had we have answered queries on a Sunday, late at night, we have waited for guests to arrive until ten in the evening, for no charge only for the people to not pay us for the work Rich has done. We have took responsibility for things that have gone wrong and contacted people to tell them that there is a problem (they left the door open being one of them, and they weren’t even in the country) but there hasn’t even been a thank you.

I have looked after people’s gardens whilst they have been away, looked over the house for them, fed the kittens that they had – for no pay. But those people have then been rude to us, in fact downright rude to us.

So I decided yesterday that, yes I do have too much empathy and I am not going to be kind to people anymore – other than the six that I can count on one hand that live here. I won’t be unkind, I am not getting dragged into the gutter with the others, and that is not the way of the Tao, but I am not going out of my way  for people anymore; sorry I have been bitten once too often!;  Whilst I know that this is not what the Tao recommends I have to look after myself and my health first, and sadly there are too many sad and bitter people over here that I need to be aware of.

Over the past few weeks I have been put in a position where I have bitten my tongue quite often, and again it is with a person who I have shown kindness to (do I never learn!)  Sadly they clearly saw this as a weakness and their behaviour became worse towards me. I got the feeling that they were trying to push my buttons, and I used all that I have learnt to not respond, but I forgot about he Incredible Hulk, and as their behaviour got worse and worse I could feel it start to stir.

For those who don’t like bad language look away: but if those buttons are pressed (which they have not been for over four years) I can be a cunt!!

When it happens it makes me feel ill, in fact it often puts me to sleep because my brain shuts down, and that is why I avoid it. I take no joy from making people eat shit  But today I did just that: A person got told in no uncertain terms where they stood and also told that they would not like me at all if I really lost it. The look on their face told me that they knew that they probably needed to shut up. They threw some things at me, but you see when I get into that zone I  will throw them back and some! Because as I have always said – I don’t give a fuck!!

My old job in England was about listening to people and then analysing what they had said, picking up on certain words or nuances, and I did this today. As I said I take no joy in making people eat shit, but perhaps they shouldn’t speak it in the first place!!

So I am sitting here now, at my desk, and I am being honest – as I have always said about this blog it will be warts and all because that is the way of an adventure – that is the way of life, it ain’t pretty all of the time!

It is foggy outside, the promised sun has not materialised, hubby is here because I asked him to come home to support me in case the Incredible Hulk really did come out – and I am spurred on like never before to send my book off to agents. This time it has not sent me to sleep it has woken up the beast inside me and made me want to write!

So that is me, I have the Tao on one side, and the Incredible Hulk on the other, and I have always said ‘I am not an easy person to get to know.’

I will read my Tao this afternoon! But I won’t be going to sleep!

I have had enought!!

Moisy

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14 comments

  1. So, that is the Hulk? And the handful of people? Look to what is also true right?

    Where have you followed your way of generosity and reaped a bounty?

    I wrote yesterday, “Here is the thing about generosity, there will always be people that will perceive it as a weakness and use it against you. The least generous people will greet generosity of intention as an opportunity to gain power. That is what separates the narcissistic soul from others: they lack a spirit of generosity. They are always working an angle and assume everyone else is too.”

    Keep doing you. It’s powerful and that is why a few small people take advantage of generosity: they want to take power.

    Thank you for your post and getting me thinking.

    Liked by 1 person

    • D’ya know Sean I cannot think of an example where my generosity has been appreciated over here. How sad is that! You are right about narcissism and perhaps a lot have moved here! I will hold on to the 6 good ones.
      Moisy

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m still navigating my way through this Boise, but, what I do know is that the true and fast friends that have grown out of this experience, walk with me and held my hand through all of this, never asked for anything other than my friendship.

        It’s the ones that expect something for nothing, that I have to be aware of. And because my boundaries are suspect, they’re the ones that are dangerous to my life…

        As someone pointed out to me yesterday, the people who reacted the most harshly, not specifically © because you and I both know what she has gone through because of my betrayal, but The Interlopers and flying monkeys, are not the kind of people I want to be around anyway.

        It wasn’t enough that I did wrong, but they’ve made themselves part of the story for no reason other than their own egos. And as I read a long time ago, I did a lot of good things in our friendships but you won’t hear that now from them. I I did over and over in courage them, help them, went out of my way to support them, and rooted for their success. But when my ugly came out they disappeared and piled on.

        F*** them.

        I’d like my generosity of spirit actually. I like who I am. I am more than the sum of my betrayal.

        In Boise, your writing and sharing is a very generous Act. So for everyone troll and user, your generosity has helped a thousand others. I hope you stay the path.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You will continue to do good things for others, because that is who you are, and being generous is its own reward. Do what feels right when you see someone in need and you will sleep better at night. If you don’t expect anything in return you won’t be disappointed!
    Of course whenever someone does take advantage, is truly rude (knowing we must take care not to read too much into casual statements or catch someone on a bad day) or if they renege on a promise (like that work for Rich), you are quite right to have nothing further to do with them. You are certainly entitled to respect and to set boundaries.
    In my experience, just cutting off contact completely is better for my self image than telling people off – unless they persist in wanting to know why – at which point a few terse but true words usually suffice. I won’t argue with them, just state my opinion and then walk away or hang up. Don’t let anyone turn you into a screaming Hulk or other caricature, because then you are the bad guy even if you were well and truly provoked.
    Stay strong and good. You know who you are.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. When you are generous and kind, people do take advantage. It’s happened to me with ‘friends’ and family. As a matter of fact, the generosity becomes an entitlement and then resentment sets in. When that happens, I stew until the explosion and that is basically what happened with my family. As our financial situation is far from what it was, I have had to be less generous, but still try to help when I can. I do note the people whom I had helped in the past, but when it was time to reciprocate, just disappeared.

    Don’t let the bad pennies ruin the whole purse. I find there are more grateful, kind, generous people than not, it’s just the bad ones leave a nasty taste in our mouths. xoxo Dolly

    Liked by 2 people

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