My new job is working as an interim, so that means temporary contracts, and my first contract finished last Friday. Yes it finished early. I’m not going to say it hasn’t been difficult , and I am relieved in many ways. I costed out the realities of going back to the UK for 2 days a week, but by the last visit those costings had increased by £110.00 a week. The taxi fare from the airport alone went up from £29.00 to £37.00 in a week! Travelling back was becoming unsustainable.
It had been a long time since I had been back in the workplace, and I had forgotten just how toxic that can be. As a naturally assertive person when you go in into a workplace with unhappy disgruntled people who don’t like change, it doesn’t take long for the toxicity to be aimed at the person trying to facilitate change. It made me wonder if I wanted to go back to this type of work.
But the last week of my work I worked from home, and I really enjoyed unpicking the difficult cases, asking the relevant questions, and helping both the staff and the public in resolving the issues. Away from the toxicity and game playing ‘Life’ reminded me that I was very good at what I do. So I focused on the positives: that I met a group of clinicians who wanted to understand feedback, wanted the skills to respond. I have never worked with a group of people so responsive. It was inspiring. I reconnected with someone I used to work with 14 years ago, and I made 2 new acquaintances via Facebook, one of whom was kind and supportive when I was in my role. We are now friends.
In the throes of the role I found that I was struggling to keep my belief that ’Life’ is in fact doing the driving; and that was something that I found difficult. My understanding and belief is important to me now. As is writing honestly, writing something that resonates with people, there is enough dishonest crap out in the there in the world today I am not adding any more.
During this experience there were many lessons from ’Life’. I had let money (they don’t call it the root of all evil for nothing) rule my thoughts. I ignored the messages like the first flight home when the turbulence was so bad that people on the plane were screaming and crying. I am not a good flyer at the best of times, so then I was terrified every time I got on the plane. I ignored the rising costs, convinced that I must keep going. Then there was the storm the third week I was there, that caused a huge crash on the route to Belfast, delaying RD during what was an already difficult journey.
The way I was being treated by some of the staff was playing on my mind, and I started to question what I was doing and looked at all the messages I had been sent from ’Life’. The Wednesday before my last flight back to the U.K. I found myself awake at 5.30am with it all on my mind. So I got up and wrote in my trusty journal. I realised that I was letting the worry of money affect my whole life, I was allowing myself to be bullied, and I was not seeing the wood for the trees. It made me calm about whether the contract would continue, and I was actually relieved when it was ended. I knew that what we needed would come, and the main thing I had written in my journal was one word ’Believe’❤️
When I got home I felt empowered, I worked hard in that last week helping people, and I became ’me’ again.
So right now I don’t have a role, but my mantra is ’Living in the here and now, trust ’Life’.’
I do, and more work offers are coming thick and fast. ’Life’ has shown me, this is the right role for me, but on my terms, and that I should always believe in myself.