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~ Letting ‘Life’ show me the way.

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Tag Archives: People

Two Christmas’s

25 Wednesday Dec 2019

Posted by RosieJoseph in Friends, Galavanting, laughter & giggles, My family and other furry creatures, People, Simple things, The adventures of living life in the French countryside, The continuing adventure, The seasons

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

alternative Christmas, being grateful, Blessings, Christmas, Contentment, counting your blessings, Dogs, Family, Feeling blessed, Food in France, French Christmas, French towns, Friends, fun, good times, Goodbyes, Happiness, kindness, laughter, life shows the way, Life shows you the way, Love, making memories, naughtiness, new adventures, parents, People, Poignant, poignant memories, Rural France, Simple things, Small things, surprises, Tears, The seasons, Warmth, Welsh Terriers, Winter

It’s been a whirlwind few days after our son Tom surprised us on Saturday. We have tried to cram so much into three days, because he had already committed to going to my sisters house for Christmas day, and it was only right that he fulfilled that commitment.

We decided to have two Christmas’s one with them and one on the day.

On the Saturday we went out to visit someone who has been nothing but kind to us. She is alone and for me Christmas is about understanding and giving something other than gifts: time. We had already arranged to visit her, and Tom and Chris (the boys) volunteered to come with us. Trundling into the back of RD’s van (totally illegal!) and moaning about their arses hurting them.

When we arrived these two young men were so polite and kind, even sorting out some technical stuff for her on her computer. I was so proud of them both: another gift.

We then took a detour to the medieval city of Domfront, with its beautiful lights, and had a few drinks in a quintessential French tabac. The weather was awful, but it couldn’t damp our spirits.

It’s strange how we can all revert back to being ‘mum and dad’ with our kids. Tom has a good job, lives in Newcastle, contacts me when he wants and needs to, and I pretty much leave him to his own devices. He is an adult I am not an ‘over motherer’. I had him to live his life. But on Saturday they went out late and drove to a town near us to see if any bars were open. We didn’t go, we would have ‘cramped their style’, and also we were knackered! But they said they were coming back for chicken burgers and we waited up for them, knowing the bars in France do not stay open late. But when they hadn’t come back by 1am we started to worry, wtf! I looked at RD and we both started to laugh, because he felt the same. Our son looks after himself in Newcastle all the time, and we never worry, yet as soon as he comes over to us we become worried parents. I gave in and rang him. A very pissed Tom rang me back from a house in Lassay, they had been invited by some French girls they had met in a bar (nothing changes!) Tom thought it was hilarious that his mum was ringing him. I cooked the chicken burgers and left them out for them. When we got up the next morning they had obviously cooked chips, because they were everywhere. Nothing changes!

We visited Mayenne on the Sunday, where Christmas activities were taking place, and had mulled wine and hot chocolate.

When we got home we had an alternative Christmas dinner, of roast lamb and all the trimmings.

Followed by an evening in front of the fire and TV. Bless Chris he had driven for over ten hours to get Tom to us, so that was him!

On Monday we went shopping, I cannot begin to tell you the amount of wine and cheese they bought! We played Monopoly, and ate spaghetti Bolognaise very very late.

It was a joy to see RD with them. I realised just how much he misses the banter of being around men. They always used to love tormenting RD, but they never won, he always got them in the end, and nothing changes. I love this video, it sums these few days up.

https://www.facebook.com/moira.swindell/videos/2869801423030602/

It was all going too fast, and Tuesday came too quickly. Very early in the morning, in the dark before dawn, we hugged them goodbye. Am I crying now? Of course I am.

So it’s Christmas day, and we are still in bed, even the Welshies are worn out from the whirlwind of fun.

We will have our traditional turkey dinner, and have a very quiet day. But we will have the greatest gift of all: memories.

Have a mellow Christmas folks.

Rosie

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Understanding yourself: Getting lost

11 Friday Oct 2019

Posted by RosieJoseph in Change is a coming, mental health, People, The continuing adventure

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

acheiving, adventures, be strong, Bureaucracy, Change, failure, Faith, fear, feeling lost, Finding ourselves, having the ability, language barriers, learning, LIfe, losing our way, lost, mental health, move forward, n'er do wells, overwhelmed, People, pulling yourself back, resilience, small steps, success, trolls

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As you know I truly believe that life sends you messages, and over the past few months we have had some sent our way to really make us reflect on what we have acheived, and how lucky we are that we fight on and have that spirit in us. I have said before that I do not take for granted the blessings I have been given with regard to resilience and temerity.  So on to our story.

We purchased some items from a site on Facebook where people can sell their second hand goods. H went off to collect the items one Sunday and when he came back he was both shocked but also grateful. His actual words were ‘Or Rosie, I thought we had it bad!’ The couple he had visited had moved here the same time as H and I and had bought a very dilapidated house and land, for less than half that we paid for our house. When H arrived they explained that they had the land and house up for sale and were returning to the UK. The house had holes in the roof (literally) where they were simply putting tiles in the  holes to try and stop the rain. The land was waist high in brambles and long grass, and the outbuildings were falling down. They had only two light bulbs in the house and lived in one room, H said it was unlikely that the roof was going to stay up for another month or two before crashing in. We worry about our cesspit but they did not even had a toilet; and they had lived here nearly five years.

But H felt compassion for them. They had spent their money and said that basically they had now run out and were selling their possessions to survive, despite having a considerable amount of money when they arrived. They had quite simply lost their way.

It is difficult to move to a new country and culture. It is not all about sunny living and long days in front of the pool. The language even if learnt (I can get by) is so difficult, and sometimes it is just so nice to be able to speak to someone in your ‘mother tongue.’ This couple had tried to register for work but had come up against the n’er do wells on Facebook, had been frightened with the bureaucracy because they had encountered difficulties; and become so  overwhelmed they had given up. On everything.

I have documented often how  difficult   it can be living here, I have touched on how vicious some people can be. The normal response to this is ‘well that can happen everywhere!’ And yes, it can, but the difference is if you are in a place where you can speak the language then normally it easier to avoid the n’er do wells, and circumvent them. Here if you are trying to set yourself up in business then you do have to use social media sites such as Facebook and then all the little ugly trolls come out. I was brow beaten and anxious about them when I first moved here, as I have said before I was still ill from my mini breakdown; but this year my Fighting spirit was poked (or the Incredible Hulk as I like to call it -God bless Stan Lee) and my resilience returned. You cannot survive on an adventure like this withouth having the ability to to tell people to ‘fuck off’ and mean it. But not everyone has that, some people are so broken by their experiences, and do not have that natural  resilience and they fall apart.

Ever the empath I asked H if he could offer some labouring work but he looked at me as if to say ‘that is not a good idea’, and when he was honest it was because he did not think they would want it, or more importantly for us, whether they would do it well. Sometimes you cannot help people when they are so lost, and that makes me really sad.

A few weeks later H went to price up a job for someone who lived in one of the large houses that  you can purchase over here. They were elderly and infirm now, so struggling to keep on top of any of the maintenance work that was required, but they had also lived here over fifteen years and yet never decorated their house. When we left their house I sat in the van on the way home and it got me thinking: how many people make this move and then become so overwhelmed they just give up? I said to H about how so many people buy the great big houses, and the acres of land and never think that in ten or fifteen years time they will struggle to maintain it. Even now we know that unless I sell film rights for my book (I live inn hope!) we will not be able to stay here forever, the land is too much work now added on to running a business.

Both of these encounters made us think (as we do). Firstly the encounter with the couple enabled H to see that although he thought we were failing (his good old demon doing a number) we had in fact achieved so much. In four years of being in this house we have: put a new water heater in, a new shower, fitted a kitchen (H built it), new toilet, new kitchen roof, water has been connected, all of the house has been decorated (albeit quickly) a new log burner. Trees have been pollarded, new front doors, the garden has been maintained (to a fashion). We have had it so hard where money has been concerned, but we have always believed that life would give us what we need and it has. H realised that he was not quite the failure that he thought.

But you know failure for these people is not the right word: they struggled because they felt overwhelmed by everything that a new life abroad entails, and as a result they have lost their way. In mental health awareness week it is important to understand that and also see that you are blessed if you are able to claw your way back out of the pit of despair.

It also made me realise that although I can be driven, and although I have to ‘reign it in’, as I have said in my previous post , in life you do have to keep going, small steps every day if necessary, but keep going. But it is also important to know when to let go, to move on to the next part of the adventure, and I know my greatest blessing is that I understand that life will show me the way and I listen to it when it does.

So at a time when mental health is at the forefront of everyone’s mind I thought that I would share this with you, to hopefully help. Small steps., simple things, keep going, just slow down a bit!

Image result for images of sitting on a park bench in autumn

For you all: I love this song, it has memories for me, but we can all be Bob.

Rosie

 

Making This Better the book is now available including the journal entries for the first 5 years of our recovery & the whole 21 days of ‘The War’. Available internationally in paperback and ebook  at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad and Waterstones Bookstores for click & collect

I would love to hear your feedback.

 

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A special Christmas….

23 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by RosieJoseph in Friends, People, Reflections, The continuing adventure

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cats, Chickens, Christmas, Dancing, Dogs, Excess, Good Food, kindness, My Friend, My Son, People, Poignant, Special Christmas, Tandoori Chicken, understanding, Welsh Terriers, What's important, Wii

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This year is going to be a very very special Christmas for me; our dear friend Karen is coming to stay with her Welshie puppy (three Welsh Terriers, five cats and seven chickens, mayhem will commence!!) But more than that she is bringing my son Tom with her.

Twenty eight years ago I was in labour ( I know terrible timing!) and Tom eventually came into the world the early hours of Christmas Eve. A bouncing 9lb 3oz baby boy.

After that I spent every Christmas with him, despite my later divorce, Tom always spent Christmas with me (or at least part of it when girlfriends came on the scene.) But since moving here I have not seen Tom, in fact it was three years ago when we celebrated our last Christmas in England that I last saw him.

So today, as I know they have boarded the train, I find my eyes filling with tears because I am going to see my son, and I cannot wait. I don’t need any other present, he should just get out of the car with a big bow around him.

For those who have followed my blog for some time you will know that whilst I love Christmas I also believe that it is also a time of excess and at times crassness. It is as if people are drugged by the hype and hysteria fed to them and have lost site of what Christmas is meant to be about: a time for reflection, kindness and consideration.

I have come to realise, since living a frugal adventure and reading the Tao, that money and things do not buy you happiness, love and the actions of others do. So my Christmas is going to be all about being with people we love, Rich and I have not bought each other presents – we had our hair cut instead – and we will tie bows around our heads on Christmas morning and then untie them and shout surprise!!

We do have handmade gifts, and some of my Etsy shop cherished finds to give as gifts but more than anything the gifts to each other will be good food, for me cooking for others, chicken Kiev tonight, tandoori chicken tomorrow (as requested by Tom), playing on the Wii, watching the television, playing board games, going for walks with all the puppies in the beautiful countryside that surrounds us, drinking and dancing, talking to each other; and looking at Harley and all the others and counting our blessings.

Happy Christmas everyone; please say a prayer for those who are alone at Christmas, and those whose lives are difficult at this time (sadly illness and death still happen at Christmas time) and understand that, sometimes, not everyone is happy at this time.

Have a mellow, reflective Christmas one and all – look around and count your blessings, trust me they will not be material things.

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Moisy xx

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Never under-estimate the power of positivity

19 Sunday Nov 2017

Posted by RosieJoseph in The continuing adventure

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

dementors, etsy shop, Facebook, People, petiteFrenchfancies, poem, positivity, Power of positive thoughts, Reflections, struggle, sunsets, support, Tao

 

 

imageFirstly I want to thank each and every person who took the time to comment on my last post, both directly to my blog, and on Facebook. The positive comments that I received were overwhelming and your positivity then generated a sale of an item on my Etsy shop – I truly believe that.

But it did not stop there, yesterday a lady posted an adapted poem onto a Facebook site over here called ‘living and renovating in France’  and it was truly brilliant; so much so that it made me cry because it highlighted how hard it can be; and right now Rich and I are finding it hard. Our work has all but completely dried up and we are looking at a winter where we do not know where income will come from. As most of you know I believe in the Tao and that if you keep your mind open things will come your way; but right now, after working so hard all summer we are again faced with the prospect of little or no income; and we are, now, seriously considering the way forward if we are to remain here.

But one of the things we do know is that however much we need money we are no longer prepared to sell our souls. We have realised our worth (finally) and are not prepared to put up with an ounce of crap any longer!

So when I read this ladies poem here is an excerpt

“If you can get the tiles upon the concrete floor,
And spend your hours, playing round with grout,
Or face the fact the bank account looks poor,
And never grudge the will to do without.
If you can stand knee deep in all the brambles,
And tame the weeds and learn to use a strimmer,
Your life might sometimes seem to be in shambles,
But you love the sunsets when the light gets dimmer.
Then you can truly look back on your trouble,
And share your sense of humour while you rest,
The pleasure that you gain is truly double,
And you will know that you have done your best.”

Rachelle Writer – the living and renovating in France FB page

It reminded me that we are not alone, that we have to keep fighting to survive and that we should never give up. But more than that, I said how it had made me cry, in a good way, the response was, again, overwhelming with one person telling me how this blog helps them to carry on at times.

So I am being honest, and I know that some will disapprove, but do you know what? I don’t care! I always said I would be honest on here and I will continue to be so.

The situation we have found ourselves in has made us consider whether being self employed over here is the way to go. With the nastiness and cattiness of some (and I hasten to add ‘some’) of the people over here, and with most of the work being ‘seasonal we have now questioned out choices and are considering some changes and options for next year.

But this poem touched me with the lines……..

“But you love the sunsets when the light gets dimmer.
Then you can truly look back on your trouble,
And share your sense of humour while you rest,
The pleasure that you gain is truly double,”

It reminded me why I moved out here, for the tranquility, for the simpler life, to be surrounded but the most breathtaking countryside, and to continue to strive and not just ‘wait for God.’ It reminded me of all the people who have supported us all the way, including our little group on messenger who all support each other as we watch TV programmes together,although miles apart. The kindness and support I have had from people from all over the world who I have never met has re-enforced my faith in mankind; and what was the outcome of this positivity I received – I made another sale on my fledgling Etsy shop!

So whilst there may be, sadly, some vicious people out here, they don’t phase me. I have always had the ability to tell people to f**k off! Sometimes in more cutting ways than that.

So thank you one and all – keep the positivity coming; that way we can shut the ‘Dementors’ in the world up – those who just want to suck the life out of people – (thanks for that character J K Rowling!)

As for the chilli sauce recipe – it is coming later today just for you Carol Barrass!!

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Moisy

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why do you feel the need to say that?!

23 Saturday Jul 2016

Posted by RosieJoseph in People, The continuing adventure

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

People

Since moving here I thought that I would share some of the common things we have had said to us when talking to other ex-pats. I often feel as if they think we are children with no brains of our own. I hasten to add here that some people are really helpful, and lovely, but I do find that these are often the people who wait to be asked.

I have also found that you are asked many questions about your new life some of which are really inappropriate, and some where it seems as if people are waiting to be able to give you a negative response. For example:

Common comments:

” Oh that’s full of English!” – When telling people where you have chosen to live. 

The irony of this phrase seems to be lost on them! I haven’t met an English person yet who lives in Ambrieres, and whilst I am sure they are everywhere the bastards seem to be hiding when I come out!!!

“The bloody French” – About most French people, or when referring to any French Bureaucracy (of which yes there is a lot!)

This always astounds me and makes me want to say to people “if you feel that way about the French why did you come to live here?” Now I am sure that some ex-pats will be saying “wait until you lived here as long as we have and you will feel the same.” No I won’t. I have come to live in France because I want to experience a different culture, warts and all. Most French people I have met are lovely, but I have also met a few arseholes, not least the miserable cow in our Marie’s office!

But let us not forget people, from what I remember there seemed to be a fair few arseholes in England, not least the politicians!! Here is some other common crap that is told to you:

“You can’t get healthcare over here until you have lived here 3 years.” 

Yes you can. Why would you tell someone that?

You can’t claim for any expenses against your business. 

Yes you can.

“Someone’s already doing that” – When you explain what you have considered with regard to work.

Good for them, all success to them, but do they have the monopoly? Do we have to compete? Or do we have to not do it because they are doing it? (Sheeple comes to mind)

“Don’t go on Anglo-info they are awful on there.” 

I suppose it depends on what you go on Anglo-info for. I go on it to look for work opportunities for Rich, and apologies to people but not to make friends. The other reason is maybe because people have been either petty, or viscous at times, but like Facebook, from what u can see!!

“I hope you have brought a lot of money with you because you are going to need it.”

Seriously?! We’re broke, but we’re still surviving!!

“Oh wait until you have been here a few years and then you will know what I mean.”

We have had that said to us so often if I had a euro for every time I could go for a meal tonight! So I would say this: How do you know how I will feel? Is it because you think that I think the same as you? Like I have said before I think what I like and I am not a sheeple. I tend to be an individual.

“You HAVE to register before you can do ANY work.”

No you don’t, it is acceptable for you to set yourself up and try to obtain work in your said field for six months before you have to register. After all you may not be successful!

Now this is the one that really makes me giggle:

“There’s a 10,000 euro fine for that!”

“There’s 30,000 euro fine for that!”

“There’s a fine for that” …… “There’s a fine for that”…….. “There’s a fine for that”….

Seriously!!!! So far we could have been fined when we got out cesspit emptied – supposedly if we used a farmer. But our French neighbours arranged it , and guess what? It was a farmer and he was registered, but supposedly we could have been fined for that!

Rich could have been fined if he didn’t register, so he did and then didn’t get any work!

We find ourselves giggling and saying “there’s a fine for that!” When we park our car! Or burn our garden waste, Rich has grown a beard, there must be a fine for that!!!!

Common questions 

“What are you going to do for a living?” / “How are you going to live?”

None of your bloody business! This one really riles me as I would not dream of asking someone that! It makes me feel as if they are in competition. Are we going to tread on their toes – it’s a big country no-one has the monopoly, get over it.

“Are you registered?” 

Yes, but this  always makes me wonder why they are asking; and makes me want to ask “were you going to snitch on us then?” “Or do you want to see if we are going to step on your toes?”

“Have you had to take such and such courses in French?” 

Why do you care?

“It’s a thousand euro to re-register your car.”

No it’s not it’s about 500 euro, why would you say that?

As I said in my previous posts we have also met some really lovely people. Who don’t have an agenda and just want to live their lives, so they are helpful and honest. Thank you to all of those people and it has been a joy getting to know you.

We don’t have an agenda. We just want to live our lives, we are reliable and that won’t change, because inherently that is the people that we are. It has not changed because we have moved to France.

I am not in a competition. Rich is not in a competition. Admittedly don’t make the mistake of thinking we are a soft touch either, but we are what we are and to be honest don’t have time for this crap!!!!

Moisy

 

 

 

 

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