This post has been a long time coming. I have written before about energy and how it can massively impact on our lives, and there is both good and bad energy. I am going to write about toxic energy because it is something that we experienced after our move to Ireland. So much so that it influenced what I wrote about and included in my blog.
I never thought that I would allow it to affect me in that way but it did, in fact it affected RD even worse. You know the type of people: some call them Emotional Vampires, because they suck all the life out of you and often the room. J K Rowling used them I am sure as a basis for The Dementors in Harry Potter. They simply suck all of the happiness out of you. Let me explain, but before I do I have thought long and hard about this post. Do I use it to attack the person in mind, or would that just be playing into the emotional games that Emotional Vampires use? Or do I simply tell you our story and show that I still have empathy for people like this. What an awful way to live your life.
I have chosen the second option.
So when RD and I were moving from France it was pretty rushed at the end, one minute it was going to happen in January and the next it was fast forwarded to mid December to ensure that the house belonged to the new owners before Brexit. Due to this moving our stuff to a storage facility was virtually impossible. we were offered an opportunity to put our belongings in lodgings out buildings of people we knew. Whilst it seemed kind of them I had my misgivings because I had often heard one of them complain about others, and pretty much be negative about everyone. Were we setting ourselves up?
But we found we had no choice, a conversation was had explaining that due the pandemic and restrictions and so much more we did not know when we could come to collect our belongings as was the plan. Fast forward to April and I blogged about how we had moved into our new home, but how we still did not own it. At that time France and Ireland was in lockdown. We suddenly received a message to say it was expected that we would move our stuff as soon as possible as we had found a house. But the most shocking thing of all was that we were accused of leaving France because we were running away (we weren’t.) This message was so awful I shared it with close friends, we were so shocked at the tone, and all agreed that it was an awful message. When I pointed this out I was told I had no sense of humor? I felt as if I was being gaslighted.
We found ourselves in the position where we could not get our stuff and every time I blogged we received another threatening message: our stuff was going to be put in the rain, in non secure outbuildings and so on. It made RD ill. It made me careful of blogging at all. We really felt we were caught up in a toxic situation. So much so I feel it necessary to say that all of these messages have been kept for posterity.
What became clear was that every time I blogged about our new life it obviously touched a nerve. I found myself in a situation where others were controlling my life.
I have come to learn that often with toxic people (trolls for example) that they do this because ultimately they are unhappy with their lives and so they look to destroy others to make them feel better about their lives. But of course they never are because the issues are still and always will be there until they reflect on their own behaviours. They often have few friends, or are distanced from relatives but still say how wonderful their lives are, whilst then bitching about everyone and not being happy with their lot. To be at the mercy of people like this is very challenging. Being an empath I try to understand why, I try to see things from others position , but I have never been caught up in toxic situation before, and I was shocked at how it impacted on me.
It all really got to RD. We called removal firms after the lockdown was lifted in June, but they would only move our belonging to England and wanted over £2400 initially, for the move and storage, followed up by a monthly payment of £140 to store our belongings. I decided that we were not going with this, it just wasn’t viable and to free ourselves of the toxicity I suggested that our belongings were just thrown away. That’s how desperate I was to get my life back. But the threatening messages continued and it all came across as very toxic.
But as always Life showed me the way, the toxicity had affected us and the negative stressful vibes in our house eventually led to Wiglet diagnosis. I’d had enough. I said to get rid of our stuff, we could not get over, and weren’t even going to try after Wiglet’s diagnosis. I was not prepared to be caught up in this toxic drama any more.
Then I remembered a friend who had been one of the rare English people I liked in France. She had a brocante and I told her she could have it all and sell it. She would have none of it. Her and her partner kindly collected our stuff and took it to a place of safety. I have had to let some big items go. My beautiful armoire, dressing table and buffet. We will not be able to collect the remaining items until spring next year (hopefully) and as always life has shown us that they are just things, we got to enjoy them for those years, time for someone else to have them now. I learned a long while ago that things are not what make you happy.
Ironically toxic people don’t understand that.
The sad thing about toxic people is that they don’t understand just how much their own toxicity eats them up. But for the recipients of their toxicity their energy impacts on your energy. If you’re not careful they are slowly taking over your life without you even realising. I understand their lack of confidence, their sadness, the fact that they have difficulty reflecting or changing, but then how do you help people like that? I don’t think you can, and personally for me, with the toxicity being directed at me, the only way I could deal with these people was no contact. I can be cruel to people when they affect my family, but this time I wasn’t and I’m not going to be. I was not being sucked into the toxic drama that was unfolding. I just stepped away.
My suggestion would be you do the same.