I have lost count over the years of how I have written about life showing you the way. How it points you in the right direction, off you go on a tangent, it re-directs you, only to find that off you go on a tangent again, and again, and again. So things go wrong, continue to go wrong, get really bad, because by then ‘Life’ is slapping you round the head with a wet kipper trying to make you listen. Some eventually get it, some just continue with dogged determination, no matter the signs, wondering ’why me?’
We were sent on the path of going to France to learn how to listen, and by the end of our adventure there, trust me when I say, we had learned our lesson well. At the start of the year things were tough, the prospect was bleak. But we knew it was all part of ‘Life’s’ plan for us. We knew that you HAVE to believe that things will get better to make things better, because the energy you put out is the energy you get back. We know that ’Life’ will send you what you need, not necessarily what you think you need, but it will be what you need all the same. I have to say here that this is not a religious post, it’s just a post about our experiences, and I share this hoping that it helps some people to think beyond what they normally think.
Things did, indeed, get better for us. RD got a job. We realised when he came home every day knackered and animated in equal measures that getting the job wasn’t about the money, although we desperately needed it. The whole point that ’Life’ had in mind was about getting RD out of the house, enabling him to interact with other people, and enjoy the banter. His new job made us realise loud and clear, that RD had in fact been depressed. After starting this new job he literally became a new man: happier, lively. ’Life’ was showing us what was and always is important, that it’s not money – although we’re always force-fed to believe that it is, what you need will come, it’s about the experience.
In the midst of our difficult time we went back to a book we had started to read back in the summer before Wiglet’s diagnosis, called ’God Doesn’t Have Bad Hair Days’ by Pam Grout. It is a book about energy, and how we, in fact, pretty much generate what comes our way. It’s basic quantum physics really, mind blowing but a revelation. If we want to generate something we can basically, but we have to understand that we will only generate it if it’s the right thing for us, and that is where ’Life’ comes in by showing us the way.
By the time I read this book my mind had been opened by so many others that I understood it’s message. RD took some convincing at first, but the first thing we both wanted more than anything was for Wiglet to live longer, and this was the first thing we focused on. We realised that if we cried the energy we put out brought her down and she went downhill, but when we laughed and played she picked right back up. The power lay with us …. we know the inevitable will happen one day, and at times it’s hard bringing the energy up all the time, but she is still here, 8 months after her terminal diagnosis. Since then RD then bought in.
when we go to the vet for her medications he shakes his head in disbelief that she is still here. I want to share with the world that it’s our energy that has kept her here, but sadly they won’t believe me.
So … after starting his new job RD was invited fo interview for a new ’permanent’ role. I questioned whether any role is permanent, another con of modern society, but that’s for another post. We considered the opportunity and asked what it would give RD, when he liked his job, got on really well with the people he worked with, that the employers were considerate, so what else was he looking for? The answer was clearly nothing, so taking on the advice from Pam, in that if you’ve got what you need why are you looking for more, RD decided to stay where he is.
I recently wrote about some interviews I had that made me realise that I am too old to work for arseholes. Or should I say that I have learned that, for me, I no-longer need a job to define me. I learned that if we let a job define us it becomes all consuming, it takes over over our lives, we put it before other more important things, and then poof! The job is gone, you weren’t as indispensable as you thought and we are left wondering who we really are.
When I was in France I recovered from my old career, that burned me up and spat me out. I learned who I was and I realised that I didn’t need a career to define me, in fact after reading the Tao (Change your thoughts Change your life by Wayne Dyer) I realised that I was just me, I didn’t need to seek others approval to like myself. A revelation in a world that leads us to believe that this is essential to survive. But money got the better of me and I went back to my old role at the end of last year (what a lesson that was!) I truly believed that ’Life’ was telling me it was where I should be, but in fact ’Life’ was testing me to see if I had learned my lessons about ego, and money. it wasn’t long before I realised it was not me. Just the same old shit that would never change. I had failed the test. In fact ’Life’ sent me there to put the full stop to that part of my life. It made it loud and clear that I had made the wrong decision.
After a small stint in a school, with some fabulous people I then was asked to interview for a job by the lovely Agency ladies who find me work. I was unsure, the job may have involved sales, and I am just not a sales type of person, because I know what a cow I can be if someone tries the hard sell on me. It would be difficult to do a role like that when I would be (in my head) constantly telling myself to ’fuck off’! But I knew that life was telling me something, so I attended the interview. I didn’t bother to prep and was quite nonchalant about it all. But the ladies who interviewed me were really lovely, and I actually enjoyed the interview. I was honest, told them I was interested in customer care but not sales. RD had work and we both agreed the job I took had to feel right for me. I came away quite nonchalant about it, only to get a call saying that theynhad offered me a job in customer care!
So here we are, in a satisfied place, for now. I say that because we know that everything will change, and when my eyes fill with tears at the prospect of not being here with my beloved Welshies, I remind myself to live in the here and now, because what we think will be, is often not what will be. God knows the world over the past few years has shown us that!